To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

The slightly distressing reality is, if one earner has a salary of £180k, puts 7% into their pension and is still paying a student loan on the post 2012 scheme (which someone in their mid thirties could be) then their take home pay is around £7,700. That's not far off 50% gone before it hits the bank, and whil clearly very comfortable is not really in 'high earner' as in top 5% level.

I think also that we can't 'cope' with the level of visibility we have over everyone's lifestyle because of social media nowadays. Based on instagram or whatever, it appears as if someone is always having an extension, a new kitchen or has moved to a bigger house, but it's not all of your friends and it's not every year. Each time it's s different one. There is always someone on a fantastic holiday, but it's not everyone of your friends and (with the odd exception) its not the same people all the time. There's always someone getting a new car, better car, additional car, but again it's not everyone every year. But all you see on your feed is 'people' having a new car, a fantastic holiday or a new kitchen and you think you should be able to do all of that at the same time.

The reality is you need to be a high or very high earner for long enough to save / invest enough, have cleared the mortgage to be able to do everything you want. £180k, regrettably, is not enough. And mid 30's is (a) not old enough for most to be at the peak of their earnings potential, (b) too young to have benefitted from asset / property price growth much and (c) too young, unless unlucky, to have inherited much.

I said nothing about the south east. I live on the south east. Very confused by your response?

I think if you earn £10k a month you'd imagine you could afford a nice house in a nice area, new clothes and shoes as and when needed, a nice car or two and a lovely annual holiday. OP can afford some of these things, but not all and is simply wondering why, and how everyone else seems to manage it. It is pretty obscene that £10k net a month won't cover all that.

Tax means the difference isn’t as much as you would think.

on 2 salaries of £40k the take home would be around £65k for the household, plus you would be eligible for child benefit, free childcare, etc.

On one salary of £180k the take home would be £107k and there would be no child benefit or free childcare. It is still a substantial amount but less than you might think from the gross figure.

Our 30s with new mortgage and young kids was the hardest decade - but we'd spent our 20s saving the 50K the OP was gifted for a house.

I did look round but knew why others had more ( we had way lower income than OP) - they didn't go to Uni so bought houses earlier so had lower mortages and hosues already done up so they'd been paying off longer and often had at least partial help with childcare. A house move to one needing less work and better mortage deal and wage increases meant early 40s were a lot easier.

I would have thought inhertance or more debt - maybe interest only mortages - or higher incomes would be the obvious anwer for the OP. Though I agree if she waits it out pays down mortages builds saving next few decades should be much easier but in meantime she really should look at her spending and where they are priotising.

You can't afford to replace clothes and shoes for you and your DH but you can afford a yearly holiday, sometimes a luxury holiday? You need to get your priorities straight.

The problem is £180,000 between two people isn’t really enough to let you live like the tope few %, because you’re not earning enough, and you haven’t been earning at that level long enough to accumulate wealth. There’s an article in the economist about this - you are a Henry. High Earner Not Rich Yet

If you stop eating out a few times a month, you'll have plenty of money for clothes. You can replace the car on a loan to sale set up.

On £180,000 you should be able to afford to replace your car and get a bigger house and buy new clothes. Look at your outgoings because clearly something isn’t adding up.

But the answer is - they either: manage their money batter or have different priorities, earn more than you, have taken out loans or have family money/ lottery money. Those are the options.

People do all sorts of things to temporarily escape reality. Although admittedly some are more expensive than others… and some are healthier forms of escapism than others…

A few spring to mind :

Binge watching tv, listening to true crime podcasts, reading books, drinking wine, immersing themselves in celebrity gossip, even engaging in romantic relationships or popping out another baby can sometimes be a form of escapism or distraction from the day to day reality …the list goes on! Just because something enriches your life and you prioritise it - it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unhappy. Or if it does the same applies to people doing all those other things I’ve listed above.

Wow, £10k is more than I get in a year (am on benefits).
I manage to pay bills, and be able to eat, clothe myself and have a bit for hobbies.

If you can't on £180k then.... I don't even know.

Pathetic and nasty (and no I’m not on benefits).

I know..... right! How can one be expected to live like this 😫

Or shoes?!!!?

You have a joint income of £180k and can’t afford new cars

what do you spend your money on!

Bore off op

You probably just need to move away from the SE! Honestly, we own a detached cottage with 8 acres in a rural spot further north in the UK, run two (albeit ancient) 4x4s, and still manage a family holiday every year, on a THIRD of your income.

Just checked Rightmove for an expensive area in the SE near London and there's a few semi detached 3 bed houses for £1.2 - £1.3million - that's a potentially huge mortgage - maybe £6000 a month. It's not any fancier than elsewhere but it's the location that adds the ££££ - we'll never know as OP isn't coming back.

OP, you money doesn’t stretch very far, because you are paying buckets of tax to pay benefits for people who are having a go at you on this thread.

Wtf. Is your other half squirreling away half your money or something? My husband is starting a new business and our joint income is currently about £70k. From what you've said we're living the same lifestyle but we have 3 kids and debt from previous serious illness. We have a very low mortgage but this still doesn't add up.

What you’re essentially moaning about is house prices. I get it - even a really healthy salary can’t get you much more than a very ordinary smallish house in MANY areas (not even just the really posh ones). We’re the same, but jointly earn 100k and live in the SW. Even then a nice 3 bed with an average garden that isn’t in a state of disrepair is £450,000 unless you want to live in the middle of the local sink estate. It’s really depressing.

Bringing in £10k ish net every month and can't afford to replace clothes and shoes.

Did anyone get the tiny violin out yet or is it just so small I missed it?

OP, I think you need to budget.

Perhaps share your incomings and outgoings?

I agree.

I find holidays away tiring! Sometimes they are a means to an end but I do love being at home in the garden!

We luckily live in Cornwall but when the kids were small we often went camping the other side of town! Honestly any camp site is like being away. And the kids could take friends because their parents just dropped them.off!

We did have some foreign holidays. The children now they are older remember all our holidays with fondness though. The memories are not exponentially better based on price.