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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

614 replies

Travelenthusiast · 28/04/2025 08:23

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 28/04/2025 08:51

This^

I suspect this is a wind up but I'll bite.

Op ultimately everyone has to prioritise what they have and how they spend it. As a single mum with 35k to run my household with I have to watch what I spend and be frugal. I could torture myself looking at what my friends who are not single parents and who are in better paid jobs than I am have - but comparison is the thief of joy. I focus on doing my best with what I have available to me and trying to further myself.

Perhaps they've had family money. Perhaps they've been able to take on a smaller mortgage. Perhaps they live on credit cards and are in debt. You'll never know because their lifestyle is none of your business. If you're dropping £15k on a holiday then that's where you're prioritising your spending.

ItsARiot · 28/04/2025 08:50

Joker.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/04/2025 08:50

£180k and can rarely afford to replace shoes or buy a Starbucks

yeah right

I keep hearing this word modest in housing

what is a modest 3 bed house ?

i live in a 3 bed semi.

GiroJim100 · 28/04/2025 08:49

5128gap · 28/04/2025 08:43

Well clearly their DH is a much higher earner than yours and/or their families are wealthier and/or more generous than yours. I think a more valid question is how can a person get to be an adult with a decent job running a home and seemingly have no knowledge whatsoever of wealth inequality, pay gaps and the fact that life does not treat us all the same?

I think the answer is that their lifestyle has been given a huge head start by parental help and their background/who they know is probably a large contributing factor to being in such a high earning job. The OP is clearly as thick as two short planks and has zero concept of financial management so it can only be that.

Picklechicken · 28/04/2025 08:47

£180k and moaning?! So, so out of touch. You either have really rich friends or no sense of what’s normal for most people, or both.

Dweetfidilove · 28/04/2025 08:46

@Travelenthusiast , there's a thread running with a fellow green-eyed monster who begrudges a single mother of 4 who seems to be economically astute. Maybe you can DM her to put you in touch - get some advice on making your pounds really stretch.

StMarie4me · 28/04/2025 08:46

JFC. Gifted £50k and combined income of £180k, and it’s not good enough for you.

Wake up.

OnArainyNight · 28/04/2025 08:46

🎻

Strangeworldtoday · 28/04/2025 08:44

Sorry OP you must be doing something wrong. We earn less than you, live in the SE commuter belt, and our rent is 3k a month. We have a very nice life.
Google, how rich am i calculator, you will see you are in the top 2 percent of earners in the UK and top 1 percent globally.
I would recommend looking at youe budgetz download all transactions from your bank accounts from last year and catagorise everything.
We did this when we were concerned what was happening to out money and found we were spenign 2 grand a month on food and eating out. Shopping in the local waitrose express becuase we couldnt be bothered to go to the big supermarket, coffees from starbucks etc. it all adds up and you will be surpised how wasteful you might be being with your money
If you have nursery bills that can take a huge chunk but is also not forever.

OlderYearsIsBest · 28/04/2025 08:44

Not another of these posts. People with HUGE amounts of money who don't know how lucky they are and who seem to have no idea how to budget.
And sadly, have no idea how to be happy and content with their lives.

I live on a state pension, don't own my own home.....but have a lovely life, eat well, enjoy friends and family, enjoy the countryside.... Seems money really doesn't buy happiness after all.

Never seen £180K in my life, joint or otherwise. Not even half that. Managed to bring up a family, travel (in younger years), send one child to university....and I don't feel I missed out in life.

People need to learn the art of contentment these days. As well as budgeting skills.

90swithcigarettesandalcohol · 28/04/2025 08:43

Have you tried cutting down on avocados- that should do the trick?

5128gap · 28/04/2025 08:43

Well clearly their DH is a much higher earner than yours and/or their families are wealthier and/or more generous than yours. I think a more valid question is how can a person get to be an adult with a decent job running a home and seemingly have no knowledge whatsoever of wealth inequality, pay gaps and the fact that life does not treat us all the same?

Thepieonear · 28/04/2025 08:43

Picklepower · 28/04/2025 08:41

Don't be so ridiculous. What on earth are you spending your money on that you cant replace your clothes?

The Maldives it appears

Picklepower · 28/04/2025 08:41

Don't be so ridiculous. What on earth are you spending your money on that you cant replace your clothes?

GiroJim100 · 28/04/2025 08:41

I get the feeling the OP won’t be coming back to this one. It’s astounding someone can so so lacking in self awareness.

Pantah630 · 28/04/2025 08:41

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 28/04/2025 08:32

Do you have a Just Giving page I could donate to?

🤣🤣🤣

Greenandchocolate · 28/04/2025 08:41

dreamingbohemian · 28/04/2025 08:33

You are clearly going wrong somewhere because we live on a third of your income, in London, and feel like we live well

Yeah this is what I feel, something is going wrong somewhere.

They had significant financial help to buy a home AND have a very high combined income and sounds like they only have one child who is not at private school so it’s a mystery where their money is going.

I could understand more if it was multiple kids on half that income and they hadn’t had help with their deposit.

InsertUsernameHereeee · 28/04/2025 08:40

I’m confused you earn £180k and struggle to buy clothes? Our household income is about average if not less and I still manage to clothe everyone.
Maybe you need to manage your money better and not spend £15k on a holiday if that’s true.

Brocsacoille · 28/04/2025 08:40

You’re doing something very wrong, I have a not very modest 3 bed house in the south east commuter belt on less than half your salary and with no family help. It isn’t a stretch

OMGitsnotgood · 28/04/2025 08:40

One of the richest people I know always felt poor compared to tbe absolutely loaded people he hung out with. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ springs to mind. So many people can only dream of the lifestyle you describe. Start looking at all the amazing things you have in your life instead of what you don’t have. If you really can’t afford to buy clothes on your income then I suggest you take a course in budgeting. Learn how to use Vinted. Volunteer for a food bank to put yourself back in touch with the real world.

JacquesHarlow · 28/04/2025 08:40

This is so tiresome @Travelenthusiast .

You know what the answers are. You've crafted this in a way to provoke the most responses you can.

Why can't you just be honest and admit this is a stealth boast thread?

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 28/04/2025 08:40

DoYouReally · 28/04/2025 08:39

You must be really bad with money if you can't figure this one out.

I was going to type a lengthy reply but this sums it up

FiveShelties · 28/04/2025 08:39

Wow @Travelenthusiast you really jumped the shark with the sad news that you are the only one out of the local families without a 4 x4. I almost shed a tear😂

ClaudiusTheGod · 28/04/2025 08:39

Let’s see your outgoings sheet….

DoYouReally · 28/04/2025 08:39

You must be really bad with money if you can't figure this one out.