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Original poster

To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

614 replies

Travelenthusiast · 28/04/2025 08:23

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

OP posts:
Charmofgoldfinch · 28/04/2025 10:18

OP - whilst you may not have everything your heart desires re: lifestyle - you do have something that many don’t have and that is options.
if you want to have a different lifestyle then look at ways of achieving that. You are lucky that you are educated and must have many years experience to earn the salary you do. You also have equity in a house which will have a higher value than other parts of the country. If you're that unhappy with your lifestyle then look at what options you might have living elsewhere and having a lower mortgage or if a different job/ employer/ work location would make you happier.
i don’t know about your circumstances so I don’t want to judge - but you are in a fortunate position which you will have options to change.

Confusedsquirrel · 28/04/2025 10:18

Ugh I’m sorry but I can’t stand posts like this. My partner and I have a combined income of approx £110k less than you and here we are, not complaining and posting about it 😂

ssd · 28/04/2025 10:16

What i never understand with these types of threads is how come someone clever enough to earn a huge salary is so stupid with money???

Notknots · 28/04/2025 10:16

WatermelonLolly · 28/04/2025 09:37

Haven’t read whole thread but just wanted to show solidarity with the op and that i can completely understand why you feel this way.

We are in a very similar position, three children, joint salaries of around 150 K, live in the north-west but in a pricey area.

Three children, two at uni which is crippling. One dog. One holiday per year abroad, not particularly extravagant with spending, but will eat out occasionally and pay for phones, and clothes shoes etc for DC’s.

There is very little to spare, and the tax bill is enormous.

I think that there is a misconception among lower earnings that this salary gives you an enormous amount of spare cash, when in reality if you have a large mortgage and other High outgoings, high taxes and no parental help it can be quite tough.

😂

The misconception is that you should get sympathy from the lower earnings for having a high mortgage and HIgh-with-a-capital-H outgoings. Oh and your enormous tax bill.

Yes of course a family on £150 K should have more spare cash than a family on £50 K, it's basic maths.

And you would do except you're obviously spending more on your High outgoings than people on lower incomes!

Pinepeak2434 · 28/04/2025 10:16

My husband was a high earner- six figure salary before the pandemic, we lost our income and our savings and now he has resorted to having to work for just above minimum wage as his industry has never recovered. We were never extravagant spenders so we don’t miss unnecessary luxuries apart from our trips to America. You need to perhaps stop trying to compete with everyone else and live your own life - you’ll be happier for it.

Augustus40 · 28/04/2025 10:16

Must be alcohol dependent. Booze is not cheap. Either that or gambling.

Imbusytodaysorry · 28/04/2025 10:16

@Travelenthusiast i am actually intrigued. Do you know how much your outgoings are from your £15k a month income ?
Can you do a break down then people can see what you downs your money on if you don’t know.

CatrionaBalfour · 28/04/2025 10:15

Shoppingtoday · 28/04/2025 10:13

Regarding the shoes you can’t afford, forfeit one of your meals out this month and buy a pair.

I went out for a birthday meal last week that cost £80 for two and I nearly fell over although it is probably the going rate and only once a year!

For a family you would be paying a lot more obviously so that’s a simple way to save some money.

She's got another thread going about a holiday in the Maldives, budget £15k but looking to reduce it to maybe £12k. Interesting difference in outlook.

Ariela · 28/04/2025 10:14

Comparison is the thief of joy.
You have little debt
Your car is old enough not to come with all the latest electronic wizardry to go wrong
you can still afford holidays and the things you want to do.

Honestly why compare yourselves! Live your life for you how you want to! Do you really want an expensive 4x4 that barely works its engine round town (and then goes wrong because it's not being used fully), not like you need to tow a tractor home (last task our 4x4 did).
I don't buy new clothes if I can't completely wear out what I have first. Why? Because I hate shopping and am not interested in clothes. Don't care what others think.

Shoppingtoday · 28/04/2025 10:13

Regarding the shoes you can’t afford, forfeit one of your meals out this month and buy a pair.

I went out for a birthday meal last week that cost £80 for two and I nearly fell over although it is probably the going rate and only once a year!

For a family you would be paying a lot more obviously so that’s a simple way to save some money.

RosesAndHellebores · 28/04/2025 10:13

Sofiewoo · 28/04/2025 09:09

I mean if you’re choosing to spend 1200 a month on food, full sky package etc then you can’t really moan about not being able to afford a coffee… that seems obvious.
The running costs of a normal “modest” 3 bed home should be nowhere near a grand a month.

Show quote history

Council tax £400
Utilities £350
Sky, broadband, phones: 80
House insurance: £100
Car insurance £50
Water £25?
Car tax £14
Repairs and maintenance £100
Adds up to £1119 and nothing there for prescriptions, dentists, travel/petrol, etc so maybe £1250. That leaves £750 for food which is entirely reasonable imo.
People forget how easily everything adds up and that there are variables.

Alondra · 28/04/2025 10:12

AliBaliBee1234 · 28/04/2025 10:04

How on earth are you struggling to afford a car and clothes etc on a household income of 180k?

Could be because their spending is beyond the big incomes, or because this type of post is always linked to some poster's 'agendas' on MN.

Bumdrops · 28/04/2025 10:11

MightyGoldBear · 28/04/2025 08:58

Maybe volunteer some time to help out with those less fortunate. One of my jobs is working with homeless people. I come back to my 3 bed semi and feel so so lucky. I have somewhere safe and that's mine.

Money certainly isn't going as far as it once did. Everything is much more expensive now. You're not unreasonable to observe the change but if you're considering a 15k holiday you're doing absolutely fine. Definitely change your social circle and outlook. You said you grew up poor so know you're lucky but then feel left out you don't have a 4x4. It doesn't add up op.

Spot on @MightyGoldBear
the best I can muster is OP, you greedy !! Just count your blessings- doh !

CatrionaBalfour · 28/04/2025 10:11

It's not a "race to the bottom" to reflect that you're top earners, and most people have less money than you.

CalleOcho · 28/04/2025 10:11

Thatfirstcoffee · 28/04/2025 08:29

You started a thread yesterday

asking for advice for your holiday with a budget of £15k

op you do need support. For attention seeking and perhaps far too much time on your hands

Interesting ……

@Travelenthusiast Maldives? Seychelles? The Bahamas? These should be well within your stretched low earning budget?

Shoppingtoday · 28/04/2025 10:10

It depends on the circles you mix in. I don’t know anyone spending millions on a house and never will (I am in a profession but low ish paid.)

Sbbggfss · 28/04/2025 10:09

DH and I are mid 50s with a combined of £130k. Wowza you've both done well for yourselves.

FLOWER19833 · 28/04/2025 10:08

You should move next door to me then you will feel super rich

CatrionaBalfour · 28/04/2025 10:07

TorroFerney · 28/04/2025 09:52

Agree, it’s a tone deaf thread but if she has rich friends she will seem poor, ages not comparing herself to someone on £30k as she’s not hanging round with those people.

obviously the difference is that most people have some emotional intelligence which tells them this and don’t post like the op.

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This ⬆️

Ginmonkeyagain · 28/04/2025 10:07

Very true that you don't know what people get through work or other connections.

Mr Monkey is a distance runner as hobby. He always has stacks of the latest trainers (ones that are upwards of £250 a pair) and runs lots of races that cost upwards of £50- £100 to enter. A friend of ours who recently took up running asked how we afford it as it was a very expensive hobby.

Well the truth is he doesn't pay for a lot of it - he works for a running shoe company so gets a lot of the latest shoes and kit for free or very cheap, he volunteers as a pacer for many runs meaning he gets free entry to a good 2/3 of the organised runs he takes part in and we treat the one international marathon he does a year as part of our holiday budget (he ran Boston last year so that was our big holiday).

friendlycat · 28/04/2025 10:07

Sorry but your budgeting is bad. You state you can’t afford to replace clothes frequently but you eat out twice a month and book £15k holidays.

Of course I understand your tax situation and the expectation that your money should go further than you think. But you are in your thirties and perhaps comparing yourselves to others with different financial circumstances and priorities.

Many have lease cars that may look expensive but are simply on finance. Others may have purchased their properties years ago at cheaper prices etc etc.

You are doing exceptionally well at your age and I would consider your situation positively rather than trying to compare to others that you know nothing of their actual financial circumstances.

Alondra · 28/04/2025 10:04

First answer got it.

You guys are in your 30s, almost at the top bracket of family income in the UK and you still feel "a bit jealous"?

Whatever 🙄

AliBaliBee1234 · 28/04/2025 10:04

How on earth are you struggling to afford a car and clothes etc on a household income of 180k?

beesandstrawberries · 28/04/2025 10:04

i guess this is the definition of whatever you have, people will always want more. You’ll never be happy because you always compare yourself to what others have.

NoThankYouSis · 28/04/2025 10:04

You’re doing something very wrong if you can’t afford anything above a basic standard of living on that salary