To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

Hi op just wanted to give you some solidarity. We earn less than you but have our own business and have access to business expenses etc. I feel that despite my husband and I working very long hours with the mortgage two kids cat two cars necessary to get around from our semi-rural town there isn't a lot left. We don't seem to save really. I'm.not sure how other people are doing it either. New cars, car payments, nails, nights out, holidays etc all add up. Maybe they are shopping at lidl and not getting takeaways but somehow I doubt it! I watch Dave Ramsey on YouTube and I wonder if we are starting to see us sized debts here on credit cards and with personal loans.

Be nice, she can barley afford new shoes not to talk of a 4x4 😂

You don't need to eat out a few times a month and you don't need to spend so much on holidays How on earth do you spend all your money? You need to have a serious look at where it's going and spend less.
Never mind what other people have, they probably owe large amounts on credit cards, bank loans and are up to their eyes in debt all to look like they're super rich when they're not.

I think we all have expectations based on our previous experiences. So when you were growing up or even ten years ago house prices as a multiple of salary were vastly different from what they are now. As are care costs whether nursery or wrap round. That means your income after things like mortgage is that much less.

your money management must be shocking. we’re a family of 5, less than 40k per year between us and we don’t struggle at all including mortgage, big car, nursery payments etc. wtf are you doing??

Budget more effectively?

I think the majority on here still think £10k net a month equates to a very cushy lifestyle , and it really did about 10 years ago , not anymore.

I agree but on 10k a month shoes shouldn't be an issue.

I agree that distorted housing prices and wage stagnation mean that younger people can't often live the lives their parents did & money really doesn't go far these days post tax.

However I think you have over egged it OP but saying you can rarely afford new clothes.

Start a gratitude journal. You are already more fortunate (financially) than 99% of people. You won't find happiness with more money- there will always be someone wealthier than you.

We earn a bit less than you combined we pay school fees for one child (grandparents pay for the other) also have an ancient car, high mortgage zone 6 London. We usually go away 3 times a year, have never spent 15k on one holiday, that is probably more than we spend most years combined on a week skiing a two other holidays.

Yeah i was supporting your statement

I think the majority on here still think £10k net a month equates to a very cushy lifestyle , and it really did about 10 years ago , not anymore.
Our school fees are almost 40% higher , housing , groceries, holidays, clothes , shoes etc are all double if not more the price they once usually cost 10-12 years ago.
and I kind of understand the frustration of getting paid this much and end up having so little to show for it.

To many people are too easily influenced and will get themselves into debt to sustain the ‘look’ and lifestyle that supposedly makes you look marvellous on the outside, whilst secretly drowning in debt. Living within one’s means is a concept so many are incapable of doing or understanding. So many people are weak, insecure creatures deep down.

Absolutely ripping the piss

It's not that tough though is it? People on a higher salary get used to spending more. When inflation rises more quickly than salaries, everyone has to find ways to cut back, including those on higher salaries. But those with higher salaries have far more unnecessary luxuries they can cut back on.

As a perfect example, the OP has apparently posted another thread asking for advice on planning a holiday with a budget of £15k. I wouldn't dream of spending £15k on a holiday. My last holiday cost under £1k for two people, we found a destination with cheap flights from our local airport, found good value self catering accomodation with a beautiful balcony, cooked a lot of our own food while over there. The activities we did while there were all low cost or free. We had a great time. But the OP presumably has much higher standards for her holidays, she must have if she's spending more than 15x what I'm spending.

She could easily cut down on the cost of her holidays. But she doesn't want to. None of us want to find ways to spend less, but when inflation rises faster than wages we all have to. But those of you who are used to spending more have more unnecessary expenses that you could cut if you wanted to.

Another example - you say you pay for your kids phones (or maybe just your own phones). I wonder how much you pay. I bought a second hand phone, an old model and I bought it outright. It's much cheaper to do that and then pay for a SIM only contact, rather than paying for the latest, newest phone on a contract. I guess not everyone wants a cheap, old, second hand and out of date phone - but it is possible to manage with one if you have to.

Maybe OP can go barefoot there if she can't afford shoes.

Which is materially different to the £15k a month I called disingenuous.

Also 'modest' is subjective. My mum always annoys me by described her three bed detached that has a separate dining room, study, conservatory and large garden as a small house😁

I'm guessing it's your mortgage, you say you bought 'several' years ago - so fairly recently.
I'm in the commuter belt and there's not many 3 bed's available for under 500k.
I'm guessing a lot of your peers are are either older so got on the ladder earlier when it was much cheaper, and/or had inheritances/family help.

This- oh boohoo

I'm more utterly perplexed how a couple who is presumably competent and intelligent enough to earn a combined income of £180,000 does not understand a simple standard distribution curve. I've just looked it up. A combined income of £180k puts you in the top 1% of households in the UK. Not top 10%, not top 5% but top 1%. There are only 280,000 households in the country who bring in that salary or higher.

Your problem is that you are comparing yourself to the top 0.5% of the population and feeling hard done relatively instead of comparing yourself to the other 99% of the population who bring in less than you. The top 0.1% of households have a joint income of £500,000. If you are comparing yourselves to these people, you will feel poor RELATIVELY. If the people in the top 0.1% of households start comparing themselves to the top 0.01% of households, they will feel poor relatively. If the top 0.01% of households compare themselves to the top 0.001%, they will fill poor relatively, and so on and so on.

If you are struggling on £180k, you must have absurd outgoings or spend way beyond your means. If you were to post your outgoings and how much you have left over each month, it would be immediately obvious where the problem is. 99% of the country bring in less money than that and many households who bring in less than you will be able to afford luxuries, holidays, new clothes, cars etc. Many posters on this thread have said their household income is a fraction of what yours is and they have no issues affording things you claim you cannot. The problem is not your salary, it's your lifestyle creep and expectations.

Also, you said your children aren't in private school. Why are you only comparing your lifestyle to all your extravagant university and career friends? Why not look at the parents of the children who attend your child's state school. A lot of them will be making less than you. Do they all have 4 x 4's??!

As other posters I've said, I have sympathy for people on higher than average salaries who are struggling, especially if they have things like childcare to account for or other sensible outgoings but £180k is such a ludicrous amount, it's astonishing that anyone would struggling to afford anything they dream of on that, even if they spend liberally.

This. We earn similar to you and have a similar lifestyle, albeit in Cheshire.

We are comfortable but not flashy although we are higher earning at the school gates.

Our friends who live in London suburbs in similar fields to what we do up here all have one of the couple who earn £1m+ a year with the other having taken a PT role to facilitate the other partner. So yes, I think you are just surrounded by people who earn more than you.

Op simply put everyone thinks everyone else has more. Chances are they’re saying similar about you or else they’re saying you’re lucky you don’t have to fork out for what they do so you must be loaded!!!!

That's insane.

Ditto, SE here too - prime commuter belt.
Modest 3 bed semi, two dc who had ample hobbies and activities whilst growing up, modest holidays mostly within this country and some in Europe.
It is perfectly doable! In fact, I am rather content with my life, friends, family, hobbies.
Comparison is the thief of joy. And people showing off they earn nearly 4 times what we do under the guise of "I don't know how we will manage on so little money" do piss me off a little...

I don't know the split of the 180k but Salary calculator has 2x90k salaries as take home 10,460 k per month.

£10k a month...