To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

Equally there’s nothing wrong with saying how you feel and I am allowed to state the fact that I think it’s ridiculous to complain about lack of material things and constantly comparing yourself with others. It’s a discussions board so people can say and think what they like. You don’t get to police that. Mumsnet do and will remove any comment that’s harmful.

This thread is a bit of an own goal. 180k is massive and is not even within the realms of many people's reality. To come on MN to complain is more than a little bit ridiculous.

But @queenofarles

I'm quite happy to accept there is little people can do about house/rent prices, everything else is a choice
You don't have to have big expensive cars, expensive holidays etc etc. That's all choice.
And this all contrasts sharply with the 'advice' people on benefits or low incomes are given about how to budget and live within your means

Wow...read the room with the woh is me I don't have a 4x4 crap op.

As a single parent I had just my income. A mortgage no debt and a car to run on a 25k salary working full time and relying on my retited parents for childcare. Get over yourself.

On 180k joint salary and a 50k gift deposit you are literally earning 10x what a lot of families survive on.

There’s nothing wrong with talking about money, success, or even what your neighbours have. That’s not tone deaf that’s living in the real world. People notice differences. They always have. Discussing it isn’t complaining it’s observing, understanding, maybe even strategizing. Calling it ‘tone deaf’ is just a way of telling people to shut up because it makes others uncomfortable. But real life isn’t about pretending everyone’s situation is the same. It’s not. It never has been. Talking about it openly isn’t disrespectful

Not complaining, just observing.

why is it tone deaf? You surely expect people with higher salaries to be able to afford more than those on lower? Otherwise we may as well all do minimum wage part time work and reduce the stress levels a bit.

No one is saying you can’t discuss income or wealth or money matters. Everyone is saying it’s done deaf to complain about not having as much as your neighbours and constantly coverting their 4x4s and Botox and holidays or whatever they might have that you are perceiving is more than you have. That’s the problem. Lots of people manage on a lot less and are not jealous of other people’s lives. Be happy with what you have, especially when it’s actually a lot more than most folk.

Well said.

and it seems they are all better at money management.
if Posters think a family on £10k a month can easily afford a 4x4 for example like a Land Rover and still go on holidays, dine out, buy expensive clothes plus all other mortgages and expenses then it’s clearly they’ve been living under a rock for the past 6years.
yes £10k is more than enough to live on comfortably but it doesn’t have the buying power it once had.

Minimum loans not even covering accommodation, high commuting costs, dcs struggling to find summer work which we really needed them to get, despite applying for loads, it seems in our area there wasn’t much around last summer. One dc is limited because they can’t drive so less work options nearby. Had a zero hours contract at a cafe but kept getting shifts cancelled on the day, at times was dressed and ready to start and had a text saying not needed. (Usually due to poor summer weather and less visitor numbers). So lack of earning not their fault and impact us.

I actually manage to just about survive on the meagre amount of money the government deems I deserve. So I'm afraid my sympathy levels are somewhat nonexistent.

I don't have holidays and I don't own a car and never have. Maybe if you were in my position you'd consider suicide to be the best option?!

There will always be people earning different amounts at any given time that’s simply reality, not insensitivity. Discussing finances openly isn't tone-deaf unless we’re suggesting these spaces are now reserved only for a narrow slice of society.

It's weird to track the spending habits of your friends and acquaintances like this. I'm vaguely aware when someone is wealthier or poorer than me but I don't care enough to pay further attention.

If you think someone's living a more expensive life than you then the answer is pretty obvious (and the same reason others might think you live a more expensive life than them).

They earn more. They saved more. They're borrowing more. They inherited or have been gifted more. They look like they're spending but they've managed to do it on the cheap. Those are basically all the answers and they're not that deep and not that interesting.

It’s not tone-deaf to talk about money it’s real. There’s always someone earning more and someone earning less, that’s the way the world spins. Pretending otherwise is the real insult. Unless you’re telling me places like this Mumsnet, LinkedIn, wherever suddenly became forums exclusively for working-class grievances, then people talking about pay, investments, or opportunity isn’t arrogance, it’s information. It's survival. You don’t protect people by keeping them ignorant of the playing field

We moved from the one of most expensive parts of the UK in Bucks 12 years ago and bought a 4 bedroom house here in Norwich. Same price as our two bedroom flat there.

That's basically the solution. You aren't going to buy a mansion in the Home Counties or any other SE part soon. 🤔

You are complaining and yet having holidays that cost 6K a year when there are people who can’t even afford a holiday. It’s all so tone death, it’s unreal.

You're probably just stinger than the people you're jealous of. They SPEND their money that's why they have nicer lives.

Ha. Just... ha.

The irony and tone-deafness of this (supposedly genuine) thread astonishes me.

Are you being serious?

re phones, the dcs get a new phone (not the newest model) every 5-6 years bought outright for bday/xmas and I do the same for myself. DH gets his from work. Sim only contracts are about £8-£10 per month.

university top ups for dcs are about £1300 per month, mortgage is around that. Council tax is around £500 per month, holidays about £6k per year. Food bills £800ish pm. Dont eat out much, don’t drink or smoke. Dh is taxed at 60% so take home is lower than you’d expect. We don’t have any debt except mortgage. Fund 2 cars. Furniture in house old, cheap needs updating.

I think the point op was making, which I agree with is that on that salary you would expect to be able to afford to have a luxury lifestyle and do whatever you like , but that is definitely not the case. We need the house updating, new sofas etc, but will have to forego a holiday for this. (Not complaining just factual).

When you hear you are in the top 5% of earners it sounds good, but when you see others having multiple big holidays, having extensions and fancy cars, Botox, new furniture, eating out etc it does make you wonder if you are doing something wrong with your money.

on threads like these why can people not understand different areas different incomes and expenses etc and why be so rude, to be honest you should be ashamed of your behaviours

Instead of feeling jealous of what you ‘don’t have’, try and feel grateful for what you do.

people do have different levels of expenses i was in st albans the other day and some rent was 4k a month, so some areas are going to be higher wages but higher costs too ,

@Travelenthusiast

its either debt / on credit
or stocks, shares investments etc
or family assistance

Hear that faint dripping sound? It's my heart bleeding. I earn £25k and I'm a lone parent.

You have a huge income but without knowing your bills it's impossible to know why you can't afford certain things. One thing that does jump out to me is you eat out a few times a month but yet can't afford new clothes often for you or your partner. In contrast we can afford new clothes though Matalan prices rather than Hugo boss but would not eat out a few times a month. Also you may find some of these people have huge debts.

If you looked at me and DH against some of the people we know we would look poorer because our car isn't brand new and we don't go to Disney etc on holiday. However the reality is we are actually far better of financially than many of them because there cars and holidays are on finance and they have huge mortgages. We have virtually no debts and a really low mortgage which is not far of paid off. Everything including our holiday abroad this year is paid of immediately (put on credit card for security reasons then the bill cleared).

Just because someone has a nice car does not mean they have more money than you.