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STBXH guilt trips toddler

37 replies

Lis667 · 28/04/2025 06:27

Still living together whilst going through divorce. Since our daughter turned one, she’s been more attached to me. She’s abit over 2 now, My stbx can’t cope with it, I was sympathetic when we were married. But now iv reached the end of my tether. He makes it extremely clear how it makes him feel. He guilt trips her, is cold and dismissive to her when she speaks to him after she’s made it clear she wants me instead. Mimics her when she is calling for me, speaks sarcastically to her and just downright sulks. She’s started sensing this and tries to correct her behaviour (not that it’s wrong) and please him, to which he is just cold and moody.
Him and his mother booked a holiday to Majorca for September (without telling me) for 12 nights. Iv asked can he change it to 7, as 12 nights is too long for me, and I feel too long for her. He’s refused to.
If she starts asking for/wanting me when they are over there then what is he going to be like with her? I’m considering refusing to let her go if he doesn’t change it as watching him, and watching how our daughter is now is reacting to him, his behaviour is unacceptable and I feel it’s going to start causing issues for her.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 28/04/2025 06:46

Sofasloth · 28/04/2025 06:30

Sounds like you need to actually split, move away, have a proper custody agreement in place. I wouldn't let her go for 12 nights as a toddler.

So you wouldn’t take your own child away for 12 nights?

Lis667 · 28/04/2025 06:45

VivIsBlonde · 28/04/2025 06:43

It’s another 5 months away!
Things change and it may die your child good to go away without you
How would you feel if her dad wouldn’t let you take her away on holiday?
i should imagine the atmosphere in the house must be awful for the child which is why she’s behaving the way she is!

Edited

Which is why Iv taken it until I know what to do, the thought of my 2 year old in another country without me and her dad behaving how he is isn’t acceptable right now. I’m not doing this out of spite

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 28/04/2025 06:45

My advice is have a CAO in place to enshrine the care arrangements. This is a double edged sword however because it also means either of you can take her on holiday without the others permission. But he does sound like an arse so I would be getting a CAO in place as part of the divorce so you don’t have to negotiate anything with him if you chose to go away. He is being unreasonable to be doing more than a week with her so little.

VivIsBlonde · 28/04/2025 06:43

It’s another 5 months away!
Things change and it may die your child good to go away without you
How would you feel if her dad wouldn’t let you take her away on holiday?
i should imagine the atmosphere in the house must be awful for the child which is why she’s behaving the way she is!

partridgeinasweartree · 28/04/2025 06:43

Lis667 · 28/04/2025 06:38

Iv taken her passport anyway until I k ow what to do

I think perhaps your solicitor should suggest to him that there are to be no trips abroad until there is a child arrangements order in place.

Lis667 · 28/04/2025 06:39

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/04/2025 06:38

I wouldn’t have agreed to that holiday at all right now, if you expect to live apart this year then that will be quite confusing for her. How long is it until one of you moves out?

His solicitor has advised him not to leave until he gets his money, I’m buying him out so waiting for all the financial side to be sorted

OP posts:
Lis667 · 28/04/2025 06:38

partridgeinasweartree · 28/04/2025 06:36

I think it’s very reasonable of you to agree to 7 days away abroad with a two year old who is understandably very attached to you. I’m not sure I would be so generous particularly given his behaviour towards her….

Iv taken her passport anyway until I k ow what to do

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/04/2025 06:38

I wouldn’t have agreed to that holiday at all right now, if you expect to live apart this year then that will be quite confusing for her. How long is it until one of you moves out?

partridgeinasweartree · 28/04/2025 06:36

I think it’s very reasonable of you to agree to 7 days away abroad with a two year old who is understandably very attached to you. I’m not sure I would be so generous particularly given his behaviour towards her….

Lis667 · 28/04/2025 06:33

Agix · 28/04/2025 06:30

Instead of asking him to shorten the holiday, talk to him about your concerns of his reaction in the event daughter misses you. Explain to him that daughter will be a lot happier with him if he reacts gently, lovingly and reassuringly. Explain to him that she needs to be shown daddy is safe.

He could use this holiday to repair some of the damage that's been done, perhaps he just needs guidance as to how.

Iv tried, he’s very stubborn, and in his case he thinks he is never wrong and what he is doing is ok.

OP posts:
Agix · 28/04/2025 06:30

Instead of asking him to shorten the holiday, talk to him about your concerns of his reaction in the event daughter misses you. Explain to him that daughter will be a lot happier with him if he reacts gently, lovingly and reassuringly. Explain to him that she needs to be shown daddy is safe.

He could use this holiday to repair some of the damage that's been done, perhaps he just needs guidance as to how.

Sofasloth · 28/04/2025 06:30

Sounds like you need to actually split, move away, have a proper custody agreement in place. I wouldn't let her go for 12 nights as a toddler.