To feel that breastfeeding is undermined?

I didn’t like being made to feel like a weirdo. Not enough to lose any sleep or make a thread but enough to agree with the OP and support her when people are telling her the problem is her, when I agree that the problem is society.

@queenmeadhbh why does it bother you then when you are so assured by your choices and it is backed up by healthcare professionals ? That’s what I don’t get. Plus I don’t know anyone who would care that much in real life to say it to someone. No one who was using formula said a word to me when I was breastfeeding and if they did I’d have ignored them. I got more comments about when I decided to wean to be honest. I think some people just love to comment when it comes to parenting babies.

I think what pisses me off as someone who hasn’t had easy breastfeeding journeys is that there’s a smugness from people who reach their goals that they just worked hard or persevered through the challenges and that’s why they were successful. As though there isn’t an element of luck! A baby without a tongue tie, good support, good supply, a baby who can feed well, a supportive partner, etc etc. I don’t expect anyone to deny the benefits of BF or to not be proud of themselves and celebrate their achievement - it would be nice occasionally for people to acknowledge their luck and that lots of us also worked incredibly hard AND didn’t get to where we wanted to.

but once the baby is a bit older, breastfeeding is the dirty word. That’s the OPs point. And that we get accused of smugness merely by breastfeeding.

There are lots of reasons why breastfeeding isn’t good for some people. There are lots of reasons why breastfeeding is for good some people.

Whatever your reasons for how you choose to feed your child, they are your reasons. Anything you read which supports one or the other, but which doesn’t chime with your reasons is not meant for you.

If you see advice given for people who are different to you, do you fret over it or do you disregard it?

Nobody is undermining anyone, they are providing support for other people.

It’s different because from the moment a woman gets pregnant the message of breast is best is drummed into you by health care professionals over and over again. Formula is almost like a dirty word. I think it’s the smugness of some breast feeders that annoys people not the promotion of feeding.

so we shouldn’t talk amongst mothers and ask for advice and experiences about all of these parenting decisions because it’s “drama”? You think we should all just decide ourselves, say nothing about it, and resolutely refuse to answer any questions?!

i find that really bizarre and anti-community.

your inflammatory remark about “segregation” is noted; it is course not about segregation but about spaces where people feel comfortable asking for help or expressing their emotions and experiences without the brutalists shouting “THIS IS MUNDANE NO ONE CARES GET BACK IN YOUR BOX”.

Why do the other people on this thread who are very upset at promotion of breastfeeding care? Do you think if I replied to someone saying they felt shamed for formula feeding by saying “why do you care? Toughen up.” that would be well received ?

I do understand what you mean, OP, but from the other perspective - I found FFing so easy - I was sleeping, sharing nights with my husband, no sore boobs, etc., and I didn't want to say to my BFing friends how easy I was finding the newborn stage. They all seemed completely miserable!

My DC’s only had formula and none of the illnesses or allergies formula fed babies are meant to get. The bond between us couldn’t be stronger and for us a huge advantage was DH feeding them as well and developed an equally strong bond.

I breastfed and completely disagree with the op. Several people who disagree with her have stated they breastfed.

Yes, I agree. It's a shame that so many disagree. But these are the people who do undermine it, for whatever reason (I can hazard a guess as to why..). Doubt the majority who disagree with you breastfed.

It was so painful and hard at the beginning of BF my son. And of course it's all one sided - the sleepless nights (other than dad helping with changes), then having to carry on in the day, cluster feeding, sore and cracked nipples, engorgement. I breastfed my son for nearly 3 years.

To read that BF has no additional benefits to FF, it's frustrating (and false). It could be coincidence but I don't think so - my son has only had mild colds so far. No allergies, no illnesses. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, as with anything.

And the closeness we had whilst BF, me being the only one to comfort him in this way, nothing compares to it, in my opinion. I feel empathy for those mothers who try so hard to BF (my sister did) but it doesn't work out. Sometimes FF is the best thing for a mother and baby.

Agreed. We used cold tap water to make up the bottles - this is the guidance in the US, for example. We weighed up the risk that the formula would contain salmonella, rated it to be close to zero, and carried on quickly and easily. I don't panic that there might be salmonella in every tin of beans, for example.

I did find that a lot of the fearmongering was about absolutely tiny risks, and was largely pedalled by the pro-breastfeeding lobby.

Wow I'm sorry you've experienced so many comments about the way you feed your baby. I wouldn't dream of asking someone why are they still breastfeeding and I'm pretty sure I've never been asked (breastfed DD for nearly 2 years). But the honest reason I continued breastfeeding was to keep my daughter alive (she wouldn't take any bottle or cup despite trying several different types) and to get her to sleep (she wouldn't take a dummy or be settled in any other way for the first 12 months).

I think it's fine to answer their questions honestly, I'm not sure why anyone would ask why you're still breastfeeding if they are not prepared to discuss it.

It wasn't an error. She knew exactly what she was doing.

Why the drama? Why the need to segregate and keep away from formula feeding mums? It’s a lot of nonsense. There will always be some bloody thing: baby led weaning, cloth nappies, rear facing or forward facing car seats, stay at home mum vs nursery, nursery vs childminder, schooling, sports… it goes on and on. Can’t think of anything more mundane than discussing breastfeeding with random people. The OP would do well to just shrug it off and get on with her life.

Why do you care so much? If you were truly happy you'd just let the comments roll off you. Just get on with it!

I personally think people wanted it to be a normal thing like in public and now people want how it’s great to be screamed about from the roof tops . Fed is best

I disagree. Her experience matches mine. She is allowed to express upset about her experience. Her error was in doing it in on mumsnet instead of a supportive space like a breastfeeding group.

I totally agree OP! ebf my year old, since weaning to food and now a bit of cows milk I do feel more freedom, but we continue to nurse about four times a day and through the night! I am soo proud!! I don’t care how others feed their babies but we are allowed to be proud of breastfeeding. I have had ‘friends’ turn round and say ‘oh my god is he still on the boob?’ Like it was more unnatural than her giving her baby formula? The judgement is always there from some people. Breast milk has amazing nutrients, whether it matters in the long run health wise im not fussed, as I enjoy this time with baby.

I was very happy in my choices but like the OP felt like I was in a trap when my choice was constantly questioned. And it’s not “a conversation about feeding” it’s when you feed the baby and everyone does the side eye and someone says you’re not still feeding him are you? Are you not going to stop? And you’re basically made to feel
like a massive freak. We’re allowed to feel upset at a feeling of social shunning due to our feeding choices.

what I take from this thread is that formula feeding mothers are allowed to feel annoyed at promotion of breastfeeding; but breast feeding mothers are not allowed to feel annoyed by social disapproval.

I hear you. Many years ago I couldn’t breast feed my baby and was devastated. A very wise women said to me ‘don’t cry, in a few months time you won’t give a shit!’. And you know what? She was right! My baby was healthy and happy and had a fantastic immune system. She was the one who never caught a thing at nursery. So from where I’m sitting fed was best.

Sometime the decision to breastfeed is taken out of your hands. Just know that you are doing your best and that’s all your baby needs. Big hugs to you, it’s hard 💐

Apologies, I meant to quote @thatbusypanda

I was being sarcastic. I think the OP likely brings a lot of this drama on herself judging by her posts.

Well then, I live somewhere weird too. 6-9 months was the worst for it because you’re still feeding in public quite a lot or at baby groups etc. once we got to 12 months+ I was only feeding morning and night so was relieved that no one felt the need to comment any more. Good for you for not living somewhere “seriously weird”.

I find in life you get back what you give out. Maybe the OP can look at what she’s bringing to the table as I don’t believe for a second that she’s constantly facing a barrage of questions and “but whyyyy?” from random people every time she breastfeeds her 6 month old for no reason whatsoever. Some people so want something to be a big deal that they make it so.