To feel that breastfeeding is undermined?

But the benefits are only true at population level not individual level. As another poster said you can line up a class of kids and not have a clue who was formula/breast fed.
for what it’s worth I tried so hard with both of mine and failed. Not through lack of trying but with CMPA and awful tongue ties (multiple cuts for both of them) my mental health was worth more than breastfeeding but it’s taken years for me to stop feeling bad about it because of people like you who think you are superior to everyone because you could breastfeed a baby

I have found on Mumsnet that it is frowned upon to present breastfeeding as anything but a struggle. I found it mostly easy, and I have learned not to contribute when people ask for help.

I have honestly always thought it was the other way around if anything! Either way, I wouldn’t worry about it. Neither deserves a special badge for being “the best” or “the hardest”. Fed is best and all mums are wonderful.

I was very confident in my decision to only use formula so would have torn a strip off a breast feeding mother challenging that I hadn’t made the best decision

This is such a weird take. Why is it so hard to believe that both mothers giving formula and mothers breastfeeding sometimes receive shitty questions or comments that make them feel judged for their feeding choices or needs? Some mothers who combi-fed even explained earlier on that they have been on the receiving end of judgey comments when breastfeeding and when giving a bottle!

Thankfully no but it was before Mn and forums like this. I can imagine Mn comments if I’d posted that I’d decided whilst pregnant to use formula and wasn’t going to try bf.

It is true though in my experience. I’ve never witnessed someone being judged for ff in ‘real life’.

Were you questioned about it by anyone other than health professionals?

Exactly. No one should ask or comment and if they do “I want to” or “I didn’t want to” are acceptable answers.

14 years on Mumsnet has taught me it's really only formula feeders who are questioned or judged.

I think the OP wants what she's saying to be true, but really I'm getting the 'Only breast feeder in the village' vibes.

Same applies for those of us who chose to use formula and didn’t try bf.

It’s not about wanting a pat on the back, it’s about not wanting to be questioned and judged.

The underlying problem is that there are lots of misunderstandings around breastfeeding. A lot of women feel guilty that they ff as their ‘milk didn’t come in’ or ‘baby wasn’t getting enough’, not understanding that needing to feed frequently does not mean that you don’t have enough milk. There are cases where it really doesn’t work but misinformation plays its part. This is not a criticism - we need to be better informed (by health professionals) in pregnancy and beyond. This then leaves people feeling upset/guilty etc so some project onto bf mums.

Due to the follow on milk advertising, a lot of people think bf is something you do for 6 months and that any longer than that is ‘weird’. I had a friend laugh and question me for bf my son over one year but I knew it was coming from her own upset over not being able to breastfeed. Even before she arrived I was nervous that he would ask and dreading her reaction.

Both ways of feeding have their challenges. I’m glad I didn’t have to make bottles during the night or wash bottles etc. I do understand where the OP is coming from though. When you’re told there is not much difference it does make you think what was the point then? Your body has already been through the ringer giving birth and then you push it to feed, have bouts of mastitis etc, to have people saying “just give him a bottle” and “you’re STILL bf!?” Is demoralising.

For the record, I have never commented on someone ff their baby but I have experienced it the other way around.

No-one's going to pat you on the back for breastfeeding your baby, apart from maybe the baby's other parent.

It's like when people expect others to recognise their 'weight loss journey' and the struggles it caused them.

No-one else is really bothered although it's certainly a personal achievement.

Did anyone say anything outside of a healthcare setting?

I guess it depends where you are.

I’ve lived in two countries and had my three in the UK and even though “breast is best” has been said for years, formula is still promoted and even pushed if you dare choose to breastfeed past weaning despite the WHO recommendations.

”Fed is best” is true, but the reality is women are judged regardless.

Try La Leche League, they have loads of great breastfeeding advice

I got surrounded by three other mums at a group once to comment on how I shouldn’t have to breastfeed my baby before and after the class and that he wasn’t getting the best from me if I was tired all the time. I didn’t even know them. I would have never have commented on their method of feeding their baby, but all I’ve ever actually witnessed in the wild is people criticising breastfeeding. My SIL even offered me leftover formula as if we couldn’t afford it and acted like I was mad.

If someone was feeling uncertain about their choices of course it would be wrong to reply like that. But OP has been very clear that she's very confident and happy she's doing the right thing - proud even to have overcome so much adversity. So the terrible upset she's experiencing seems a bit... put on.

She doesn't want to 'promote breastfeeding care', she wants a gold star.

Absolutely. To be honest all the breastfeeding mothers I know have been of the “whip out a boob and don’t give a damn” sort. You have to own your decisions as a parent and stick up for yourself.

You’d be surprised- I honestly think whether people are interested in whether you breastfed/bottle fed or are continuing to do so past weaning age depends on the people you know, what feeding method is most predominant in your area, etc etc.

I breastfed initially, switched to formula at about 3 weeks, and then ended up relactating later on for various reasons. My experience is that you get judgement and opinions on what you’re doing regardless of feeding method, and it continues as long as your baby is at the age where they’re still taking some milk. Experiences of my friends from different areas seem to vary from mine, so I assume it partly comes down to whether what you’re doing is the ‘norm’ for where you live.

Where I was, the ‘norm’ (certainly amongst my friends with babies) was to try breastfeeding at first, with most giving up by about six weeks, and hardly anyone BFing past 6 months. So, very little judgement when I switched to formula from other mums (because they’d almost all done the same) but quite a bit from older generations. When I then started BFing again I didn’t really experience judgement for it, but I got the impression that some of my friends thought I might start judging them FF (for example, justifying to me why they were unable to BF when they saw me feeding DS). I felt awful that they felt that simply because I was breastfeeding in front of them and they were FF, that I would have any opinion on their choices- I absolutely did not care one way or another. I figured that we were all making parenting choices in a society where we almost expect judgement from others and they were maybe trying to get in there first to fend it off, which I totally understand.

However, once my baby was sitting up and starting finger foods, I noticed a real shift towards ‘when are you going to stop breastfeeding.’ I got people I didn’t even know too well telling me that it was downright weird to BF past six months and even sensed a really unpleasant undercurrent that people felt it was a bit deviant. A family member who is a staunch BF advocate for small babies (and I have heard making judgemental comments about FFing newborns/very small babies) actually told me that my son would grow up with a fetish if I BF him past six months or so. So, according to them, it was practically morally imperative to BF for six months, at which point it suddenly became disgusting and unacceptable. It was interesting (and really unpleasant) to hear the SAME person shaming both BFing and FFing, depending on whether it fitted their very narrow parameters of what was ok. So really, women can’t win.

Sorry, this is probably a garbled response, but essentially I feel like infant feeding is something that people feel like they are entitled to voice an opinion on when they wouldn’t comment on other private decisions that people make, and I think it’s rooted in misogyny. Even worse, far too many people seem to have wildly opposing views about what does and does not constitute an acceptable feeding routine, whether or not they have any actual experience of feeding an infant. Raising a baby in an environment where you feel like there’s always someone who is going to vehemently disagree with your feeding choices, and even voice it directly to you, is extremely stressful, and none of us can escape it, whether we FF or BF. So it’s hardly surprising that you get FFing and BFing mothers saying they get judged- I think both groups are reporting their experiences accurately and it wouldn’t hurt to look at the harm that society does to all mothers instead of arguing about it between ourselves.

As a mum who formula fed from 9 weeks old I can understand some of the points you are trying to make and how you’re feeling.

Our son was born poorly and had poor oral motor skills meaning it was extremely difficult for him to breastfeed and even bottle feed, we were in NICU for a little while and when he was home I struggled so much trying to get him to latch. He hated boob and bottle wasn’t much better but he was getting a bit of milk in him. He had breast aversion from 6-7 weeks and mild bottle aversion until 5 months. Basically, even the feeding professionals that tried to help agreed he just wouldn’t latch, or want too. I tried pumping them 9 weeks too and my supply dwindled (probably due to stress to be honest)

Anyway I moved to exclusively formula from 9 weeks and that was best for me and baby to be honest.

But I do feel like we need to remember the facts that breastmilk IS nutritionally better for the baby. And as someone who tried their hardest to BF and pump, SO MANY people basically tried to undermine my efforts and just told me to switch over to FF, you hear the “you won’t know which kid was breastfed vs formula fed” which yeah ok that’s true I couldn’t, but it just makes you feel sad and like giving up.

The reality and bottom line is - either way you’re going to get judged, it’s unfortunately the joys of being a parent. Someone is going to think you’re doing it wrong. No one really cares how you feed even if they act like they do, no one is going to tell you how brilliant you are or hand you a gold star for breastfeeding. It’s an internal achievement for yourself.

You’re off on a wild one there. She can talk away all she likes but clearly her talking is riling up other mothers who feel sensitive about formula feeding. Most women know how to navigate that sensibly. We all know the deal with formula vs breastmilk and that it can be a loaded conversation. OP is painting the picture that she is demurely breastfeeding her child, minding her own business and is picked apart again and again by formula feeding mothers judging her. I just don’t buy it. If 6 out of 10 (apparently) of your interactions with other people are negative, there might be a common denominator there, and I doubt it’s the sight of OP breastfeeding a 6 month old.

I breastfed until my child self-weaned at 2 years old. I was able to navigate, and continue to navigate, conversations about all sorts of aspects of parenting without it becoming such a big deal. In her OP she even faux naively asks if formula really is as good as breastmilk for baby. Uh-huh… I’m not buying her intentions on this thread.

There’s a zombie thread that’s been resurrected at the moment full of people banging away about how dreadful it is to turn their child forward facing in their pram. Psychologically damaging apparently. Mothers lose their absolute minds about all sorts of single issue bullshit when it comes to raising children. OP is currently overly focussed on breastfeeding and it’s affecting her social interaction with other mothers. I’m guessing she’ll move on to something else when the breastfeeding is over and her child is just like all the rest anyway.

Feeling proud that you’ve preserved and managed it when actually in this country the odds are stacked against you, isn’t undermining or attempting to upset parents who ff.

At the end of the day, there shouldn’t be any guilt regardless of how you feed your baby, but for most mums who bf it does require hard work and perseverance at the beginning (not that that guarantees a successful outcome) so you should be allowed to feel proud of that.

Basically, nobody should feel guilty but you should feel proud without being accused of boasting (unless obviously you are boasting)