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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH night out - aibu

115 replies

Brieagain · 28/04/2025 02:34

6pm Sunday evening, kids bath time. DH says " Steves just been in touch. He's back for a few days...are you okay if we go out just for an hour about 7"

Sunday nights are quite precious to me / us as last chance for a peaceful evening before another mad working week. I work full time

Absolutely I say. Go early for an hour then we'll still have time to watch something together later etc

Steve duly arrives and off they go

DH got back 10pm, by which time I was flagging. Our kids are up at 6am so we're generally exhausted by then. He could not understand why I was pissed off

I have said I have no problem at all with them being out all evening it's just about being clear and fair isn't it. Popping out for an hour is not the same as I'm off out all evening . I wouldn't have minded, just be upfront

It sounds so petty now I type it but these are literally our only couple of hours in a day to chill.

OP posts:

Calamitousness · 28/04/2025 05:26

YABU. Reading your post it is you that says “go for an hour”. That itself is quite awful. I don’t think an adult needs a time limit and you absolutely could have watched something for yourself. I love my husband and I love when he has a night out because I can watch things he’s not interested in. With work on Monday it was never going to be a late night.

ShineBrighterxx · 28/04/2025 05:20

Think you’re being a big over the top and unfair. If he’s not seen his friend and won’t see them again for a while he shouldn’t feel guilty over a few hours out.

pikkumyy77 · 28/04/2025 04:12

Have a serious talk sometime when you feel calmer abut how precious Sunday night is—its really, in your mind, almost date night. That is perfectly reasonable! You work, are raising kids, life’s pell mell. Be intentional about your time with your dh and as you get ready for the week.

Topseyt123 · 28/04/2025 03:55

I'd say that he should have messaged to let you know, but otherwise he hasn't done anything wrong.

Velmy · 28/04/2025 03:51

Double +1 is the rule.

A pint = 3 pints.

Couple of pints = 5 pints.

Etc.

coffy11 · 28/04/2025 03:46

You have a right to be annoyed because you were probably waiting for him to come home so you could do something together. If you'd have known he'd be out all evening you could have just got on with doing something by yourself.

Powderblue1 · 28/04/2025 03:31

I think going out for an hour is a universal term and never means an hour. I don’t think your DH was unreasonable to see his friend for a 3 hour catch up. Don’t you enjoy an evening by yourself OP?

peepsypops · 28/04/2025 03:23

Tbh you are lucky in my view to have weekends together! Plenty of us are shift workers or married to shift workers who would love the luxury of that! YABU - Sorry.

Original poster

Brieagain · 28/04/2025 02:50

Thanks all. At least helps to know iabu!

Absolutely I could have chilled and watched something but in my head I was " they're popping out for an hour I'll get loads of jobs done then we can chill together" .. . clearly it's just me!

He is here every two weeks for a few days, not a long lost brother scenario

OP posts:

Eenameenadeeka · 28/04/2025 02:46

I think most people do that though, unintentionally. Like sometimes you're meeting a friend for a coffee but you just keep talking and end up being a few hours. Where is Steve back from? Does he not visit very often? I think 10 is a fine time to be back, and if all you were planning was watching TV it's not a major issue surely.

Lavender14 · 28/04/2025 02:46

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/04/2025 02:39

Well yes he could have said we are going out for a few hours, but honestly I would have expected it to be longer than an hour if its a couple of friends catching up

Show quote history

I do agree with this. I think the issue here is that you're tired and you were looking forward to that down time and were disappointed you didn't get it. But realistically it was never going to be an hour and I think it was a bit unfair for you to tell him he needed to be back to watch a movie with you when realistically you could have done something for yourself in that time instead if it was a one off.

winterwarmer8274 · 28/04/2025 02:46

leaving at 7 and home by 10 in not a ‘night out’

Yeah he could have text you but he was probably having a nice time and didn’t think it was a big deal since your only plan was to ‘watch something’

my partner catching up with a friend for a few hours is not something I would get annoyed about!

Merrygoround8 · 28/04/2025 02:45

When you say back for a few days it sounds like Steve lives away/he doesn’t see him much? Catching up with a friend would take me more than an hour and 10pm is hardly like he’s bowling in at 3am! I think a hour was always ambitious - by the time they’ve gone, ordered a drink, sat down, it’s almost time to head home again!

Why can’t you chill by yourself a couple hours? Bath, film, snacks? He comes home and off to bed if you’re flagging.

Unless some huge backstory - cut him some slack. I would want the same if I was out for just a few hours with a mate and home by 10pm.