DH night out - aibu

I dont know why anyone felt the need to say it would be for an hour, clearly it was going to be gor the evening.

Totally unfair on him when you get your preferred Sunday evening 99% of the time.

If he's a good family man, you tel him to go and have a great time. Do yu enjoy time alone? I have to say, I protect any time alone like a mad woman - I would have done the jobs earlier so DH can have quality time with the kids, sorted myself a box of chocolates and had a bath and whatever telly I wanted. I would have planned for an evening alone, not planned to drop what I was doing as soon as he got home.

Jesus I was expecting to read he was out all night and stumbled in at 5am absolutely shitfaced after going to casinos and strip clubs! 3 hours?!?! Seriously?!

And absolutely nobody goes to meet up with a mate for one hour.

That’s not a long period of time to be out and he wasn’t back terribly late. I don’t understand the impact on you (you’ve not really explained) but in any case, with the kids in bed by that time it must have been nice to have some time to yourself, surely?

Because instead of dictating his evening schedule she should have just said, ‘no problem, no need to rush back, have a good time’

which is what non-controlling husbands/wives do, not make each other feel guilty for spending time with people other than them! And guilt them into rushing back home by having to stick to a pre-arranged time limit, when everyone knows it’s easy to get carried away chatting with mates.

it’s pretty obvious she would have been annoyed if he wanted to go out for three hours, or potentially kicked up a fuss about him going at all, than if he stayed out 2 hours past his “curfew”!

he was always going to be punished for eating into OPs ‘precious Sunday night’.

It was the going out for an hour that was unreasonable. By the time he's got there and back he'd have what about 40 min with his friend? He should have given a more realistic time to be back, but if OP hangs on to the idea of their precious TV time on Sunday eves you can maybe see why he didn't.

Once in a while a relaxed evening on your own is a precious thing too.

That’s hardly comparable to what happened here though. A few drinks on a Sunday night and home by 10pm is normal.

It’s not remotely crazy to think that a grown adult should be allowed to go out for an impromptu few hours without someone getting annoyed with them for it.

He’s an adult, not a teenager with a curfew.

Popping out for a drink and being back by 10pm seems very reasonable to me.

You can have. Chilled evening without him once in a while.

YANBU in my opinion. He should have stuck to what he says or let you know it won't just be an hour

This. Mumsnet be crazy sometimes. Of course it's not unreasonable to be annoyed that someone was out for three hours when they clearly said one.

I get pissed off if my husband stays out later than planned. Last time he was "getting the next train home" at 6pm, 2am I got a call asking me to rescue him as he was stranded in the next village and absolutely plastered

this.

It sounds like if he said a few hours to begin with, you would not have been okay with it, where as saying an hour you gave him you ‘blessing’ 😒 but it was never going to be an hour.

it sounds like you are quite controlling to be honest, unless there’s a drip feed, he should be free to go out with mate for a few hours at the weekend and not feel guilty that he is cutting into ‘your’ time, as you could just as easily chill on your own.

punishing him for spending time with someone other than you is really not on!

Very unreasonable and also a bit controlling. You expect him to be clock watching and counting the minutes while he is meant to be relaxing with a friend just so he can rush back to do…well nothing really.

I think YABU as if someone wants to be somewhere else doing something else with someone else, provided it's not causing you work or happening all the time, or they're up to something inappropriate, you shouldn't try to stop them. There is no real value in an evening of company with a person when you've basically forced it on them against their preference. He wanted to spend the evening with Steve, and I don't think many people would take 'an hour at the pub' literally in the circumstances.

3 hours and still back by 10? Why are you annoyed? Surely kids in bed by then and you can enjoy some peace and quiet on your own? When my partner goes out for the night; he’s gone until the next day! What you describe is a quick drink, not a night out!!

This!

his friend was unexpectedly in town

you need to be more flexible, it would have been really resourcing to catch up with old friend

Sorry but it sounds petty because it is petty. Catching up with a friend he presumably hasn't seen for quite a while was always going to take longer than one hour. You sound very possessive. Would it have been ok with you if he’d said "I don’t know how long I’ll be" instead? But that would have made no difference to your evening.

I don’t understand why you couldn’t chill out on your own.

I'm surprised at how literally people are taking 'the hour'.

To meet a friend for a drink?

Was it going to be A drink?

Big fuss over nothing and OP get a grip.

I wouldn’t be bothered about this and would’ve expected it to be longer than an hour. But maybe if he knew you were at home waiting a quick text to say be a bit later than I thought would’ve been nice

Yes, but if he'd said he might not be back for their TV watching together it sounds as though he might not have been allowed to go.

It’s obviously not actually going to just be an hour so I’d have set up my evening assuming I’d watch whatever tv I wanted alone. I thought you were going to say he rocked in at 3am completely wasted. But 10pm, fine. Okay, he probably shouldn’t have stated an hour, but it was unlikely to just be an hour.

He really shouldn’t have said an hour if there was let’s face it zero intention of it being an hour.

That’s the issue an expectation was set and then just didn’t matter, people should just be honest with their timings. A couple of hours or a few hours would have been better than an hour then being three hours.

I'm glad I'm not married to you OP. You are being completely unreasonable and controlling.

He’s not a teenager with a curfew - he’s a grown adult who is more than capable of deciding he wants to stay out for a bit longer if he wants to. And let’s be honest - nobody goes out for an impromptu drink and gets back home in an hour anyway!

I would personally feel incredibly stifled if DH wanted me home within a certain amount to sit and watch TV together. Life is about more than sticking to the same routines all the time. They may be comforting to you but they can also end up being limiting and claustrophobic.

Learn to enjoy the peace and quiet of a Sunday night alone - sit in the garden with a book and a drink, have a bath, do a hobby, watch a film, ring a friend - you wasted your own evening, don’t blame that on your DH.