To feel jealous of a puppy?

You've only been with this guy a year and he's wanted a pet for years. You don't live together and you come off controlling here.

I get the feeling you're rushing things.

OP, I do empathise with you though. I don’t really think you’re ‘jealous’ of the puppy per se. It’s more that him making such a life affecting choice without consulting you does make you wonder about your place in the relationship. People have been a bit snarky saying he doesn’t need your permission but they’re rather missing the point that it feels like you’re excluded and hardly like part of a close couple if you didn’t even come to mind to at least talk this through and give you a chance to at least voice your concerns as well as telling him you’d support him if that’s what he really wants. I had a similar conversation with my ex and out of respect for him and fact that it would affect our time together I frequently would brainstorm pros and cons with him. I agree with you it’s disappointing you weren’t part of the conversation- regardless of whether you agreed or disagreed with him.

He can’t come to yours and stop over if he has a puppy at home. You can’t go to his when you’ve got the kids. It is a logistical problem and I don’t think he thought it through.

None of that needs to stop or be cancelled, though.

For the wedding, you can hire a dog sitter to go to your home or use an in-home boarding service if the pup is too young for kennels. Or you could hire a pet-friendly Airbnb close by and take the dog.

Ditto the summer trip, change the accommodation to a pet-friendly one, or use a boarding service.

You can get bike leashes for older dogs; for puppies, you can get carts that attach to the bikes. You can get sidecars for motorbikes for dogs.

A puppy raised with cats will be fine with them.

You are catastrophising for no reason.

So? ‘Good’ breeders don’t just have spare puppies as they have a waiting list. It’s not responsible to get a puppy as quick as he did. Three hours… 🙄

@IDipYouDipWeDip you sound very judgmental. How do you know he hasn’t got the dog from a good breeder - just because they had puppies still available?! Also it could just be a mongrel lol. Also OP said he’s wanted one for years but chose not to get one until he felt settled so hardly sounds like a bad owner does it? 🙄

I'm a bit confused why it's upset you this much. Is it that you think he should have asked you and it was a joint decision? like you're upset that he made the decision himself rather than asking you "should we get a puppy?" It's also odd that you said "the puppy days led to your divorce"-- what?? I've never heard anyone say they got divorced because of a puppy before ... If you don't actually live together I don't think he needed to ask you... And of course you can travel. He can get friends/family/a kennel to care for it.

YANBU. He’s an idiot for getting a puppy just because one came up. They’re as needy as small children and you had all these lovely plans… he’s just committed to 10+ years of responsibility. If you’re a serious couple with plans for the future he should have thought of how this will affect you and involved you in the process.

But in your original post you said he had wanted a dog for years but hadn't felt settled. That implies he has thought about it. That it's not impulsive, he just didn't consult you.

You can still do stuff - it's a puppy not a terminal illness.

So he doesn't have kids?

Has he met your kids? Is he involved in their lives?

I suppose my feeling is that by entering a relationship with someone who has kids, your boyfriend will probably have to be quite accommodating or your commitments and priorities. More so than you would have to be of him and his puppy.

It does seem a bit of a spur of the moment decision on the one hand. But on the other hand, you KNEW he loved dogs and had long wanted a puppy. So it was probably an issue which was going to raise its head eventually.

But how has your life changed because of this puppy. You both run separate households with your own children. It doesn't matter how much you socialise together, you don't live together and he is entitled to get a puppy without consulting you. It's not your decision. You are reading way to much into - I wanted a dog, one came up and ta da here it is.

Firstly, I’d be concerned at what sort of breeder he has got the dog from. Good breeders, if there are any really, have long waiting lists and check out the people they are selling the puppies to. Good potential owners plan for a dog, they don’t just decide and then get one within a week. Poor dog.

If he sees a future with you, he should have discussed getting a dog with you as the dog will inevitable mean more planning when you want to do things or impact how you feel about moving in together at some point in the future as the dog may be around for 15 ish years.

I’d be concerned at being with someone who was so impulsive, didn’t discuss things with me and didn’t seem to have much thought for animal welfare,

TBH didn’t think to consult my partner, who I don’t live with but who I’ve been with for many years, before getting a dog because it would be living with me and I’d be the one caring for it, so what was to consult about? I told him when it was a done deal, and that was that.

Does your boyfriend have kids, @Onlythedoglovesme ?

It's a bit of an extreme reaction to a puppy. I'm assuming your boyfriend will be a good owner and won't neglect or harm this puppy. You say you have been together for a year, so I'm assuming you don't live together, so won't be responsible for the dog.

Do you think you could possibly be projecting the demise of your marriage and your ex's dog onto this puppy. Sounds like you still have some unresolved issues.

Of course you can travel if he has a dog. Dog sitters, kennels, I have looked after two dogs for friends recently. One visiting family and another a prolong hospital stay. My retired neighbour looks after her adult children's dogs when they travel.