To feel jealous of a puppy?

They don't officially live together but this is what OP said We practically live together (most social life together and at my house when my children are with me, his when they are not).. He seems to be heavily involved in her kids lives too.

It's not about having standards, it's about creating a family unit too soon, involving your children and having expectations that the other person is clearly not aware of. That's why he doesn't see what he has done wrong and why OP has had such a strong reaction to him making a decision that she wasn't involved in.

WTF?
Being upset about her partner getting a dog without conversation doesn't mean she has severe mental health issues. That was completely uncalled for.

She's jealous of a puppy.

No, the OP is not the mental one

Ps unless you're being sarcastic, I can't tell

But with all due respect it isnt a decision for you both, it is a decision for him alone.

yes maybe he could have “oh i really want this puppy, i think i m going to get it, what do you think” it would have been nice to involve you but it s not your decision.

just because you think you do everything together, it doesnt mean he has to involve you even though yes it would have been nice - and in your shoes i d feel the same albeit A LOT LESS deamatically!

dry the tears, man up and have a convo. I hate when women victimise themselves.

You are making a lot of assumptions there! They don't live together.

I don't think it's wrong to have high enough standards for a relationship that after a year together you ask the other person what they think about a massive life decision. Kids or not.

It's a dog. It's not as if he's adopted a family of twelve and decided to move to Utah.

Is it possible you have so many issues with it because having a dog means that the men concerned are showing they're able to love and care for something/someone other than you?

You could always buy a motorbike yourself if you're that upset about not going on long rides.

I love dogs and would immediately squeal and fall into line as a puppy slave.

However, he has apparently assumed he’ll bring the puppy to yours, house train it at yours, let it chew the toys/electronics/wires and furniture at yours? My house still shows puppy damage from my 13yr old dog, despite my best efforts he regularly got at things he shouldn’t have including my phone and my tv remote.

I think people are being a bit disingenuous here. I know loads of people who won't use kennels or sitters as their dog doesn't like them, won't leave the dog alone because the dog gets anxious and ruins the house, don't go out much because they ha e to be around to let the dog out etc

If spontaneity, spending lots of time away from his house, and travel eg motorbike trips ha e been a big part of this relationship so far, then it's inevitable that there will be changes to your relationship now. And I think it's completely normal to be upset that one person in the relationship makes a decision that changes the things you value in the relationship and affects how you spend time together, without consulting you or even apparently considering you or the effect on your relationship.

If the OP was to be the one getting a puppy for her children and she posted that her boyfriend (who doesn’t live with her) was saying he was jealous and unhappy about this, posters would be up in arms saying it was controlling red flag behaviour and that she shouldn’t have to not get a puppy because of what he says.

It is when you have kids. For the kids sake they shouldn't rush in to create this pretend family where he lives with her when she has her kids. A year is too short to get to know someone properly hence why OP is now in a position where she feels blindsided because the boyfriend doesn't see them as one unit but she does. It's called transference love. OP has got divorced, found a new guy and slotted him in as her new "husband" and "dad" to her kids with the same expectation she would have on a long term partner when he is just a boyfriend.

I’m guessing you were upset because he made a big decision that will
impact your life and your future together without talking with you. It’s dismissive of your feelings. Perhaps just have a chat with him about your expectation to be consulted in the future on any major decisions, so you can make joint decisions.

That's comparing apples and oranges. The op entered the relationship with children and her partner accepted that presumably. Now he's made a big life decision, that affects her, a year into the relationship, without consulting her. There's not a chance in hell I'd be ok with it and I'm baffled by everyone who is saying the OP is wrong.

I’m a huge dog lover. I have one who I adore. However I can totally see your point. Dogs are a huge commitment and they do impact what you can do on a daily basis and unless you have family/ friends who can help when you want a weekend away or longer holiday it can be a nightmare. My dog does not do well in kennels and I can only go away if my parents have him and I wouldn’t leave him for longer than a week, so no far flung places for us.

So you’re bringing the baggage of children from a previous partner to the relationship and expecting him to accept that yet you’re crying over him getting a dog?

I would stop him bringing the puppy until it’s trained.

How nasty.

He has effectively decided they’re both getting a puppy, given how much time he spends at OP’s.

Anyone would have reservations.

Why are people saying a year like it's a week?

I'd never waste a whole year of my life on someone if I didn't think we were pretty serious and had a future.

You sound ridiculously dramatic and needy ... you've only been together for a YEAR? Unless that's a typo. And he's already spending time with your children in your home, you are holidaying together etc etc ... I don't understand why so many women (& some men no doubt) rush to have these incredibly intense and serious relationships so soon after a marriage break up especially when there are children involved.

And when does a 'boyfriend' become a 'partner'? Seemingly after ten minutes according to so many threads on Mumsnet.

It's really not unhinged to expect a major decision like this to be discussed with a partner. The lack of discussion would really be a huge red flag for me. He doesn't care about how the puppy affects the OP because he doesn't see them as a unit.

I think I'd be annoyed and upset by this too OP. Getting a dog is basically a huge life long (for the life of the dog) decision and he's gone ahead and done that without consulting you at all. Not even running it past you or discussing it with you.

If I was with someone and thought it was pretty serious and we had a future together, I'd expect big life decisions to be discussed. Especially if I had cats! I have two cats and there's no chance I'd regularly have a puppy in the house - they'd be traumatised.

I think you are seeing the upcoming change in your relationship.

No more travelling abroad, uk travelling will be different and data nights and nights out will look very different.

How do you feel about the dog being at your house? If you spend a large amount of time at yours you will have to accommodate the dog.

Tbh it doesn’t sound like he’s done a great deal of research, or he not that bothered about your relationship changing, or worst still he doesn’t give a shit about it changing