Daughter - Nipple piercings , no bra and tight top

I'm not

Isn't it quite normal for teens to find their parents embarrassing though?

I remember being mortified that my father rode motorbikes instead of driving a car. Now I'm old and my embarrassment threshold has grown over the years, I think it was probably quite cool.

I think she's probably having her teenage years now, having not had much of a chance to do so before. Teenagers much prefer to rebel against anything unfair and talk about their rights than to just do whatever the simplest thing is. The complicating factor is, she IS right that no one should be staring at her body or making lewd comments no matter how she's dressed; so you will definitely lose this argument. Definitely, any boys making such comments should be tackled and also have to explain to their mothers what they've been looking at online, in RL and how they behave to their friends. The problem is, she cannot control if this will actually happen. It's not her boys who are making these comments but they will be the ones forced to defend her. If it was just visible nipples or short summer clothing I'd agree she shouldn't have to change anything, but I think she has crossed a very noticeable and sexual line by deliberately highlighting her nipples. Anyway, the best way to tackle a teenage mindset is to consider their look too boring to talk about. The less said, the sooner it will become passe. If you must mention it, avoid the rebellion buttons by asking what she will do, rather than by telling her what she should do: "OK, you must think this looks really good, if you're willing to let grandson be uncomfortable over it. You're not wrong that his friends shouldn't say anything, but I don't know what your plan is to help him out with that?"

Ooh, very difficult situation! Poor girl and poor kids too. Wasn’t it great when people weren’t strident about forcing others to collude in silence. It’s a form of control over others responses that is very insidious. Numbing yourself to put up with someone else’s crisis is part of why our society is in mental health crisis.

I mean it's biological that women's breasts are sexualised.

When did men sexualise breasts? And just men? Not women?

You lost me at Juicy c tracksuit, never mind the piercings!

That's in no way comparable though is it.

I hate that women are still being shamed for not wearing bras or whatever when men walk around topless when the tiniest bit of sunshine comes out. It's men who have sexualised breasts. And now we're shamed for having them.

Not a lot you can do with her being an adult. She is being a bit of a selfish shit mum though, by taking joy in embarrassing her kids and exposing them to bullying. It sounds like she is trying to relive the youth she never had at the expense of her children.

Much better for the healing process, you ideally want it to heal as a straight piercing fully. Piercing it or healing it with a ring has more issues and would likely delay healing if nothing else. Should stay as a bar for the first few months at least.

I don’t know why the OP felt noting the difference was in any way relevant though?

That still isn't her DS policing what his Mum wears; that's quite the stretch!!

You'd be surprised at how many "agree" clicks by original post attracted then.

Why should it be bars? Genuine question btw.

It’s tricky isn’t it. I’m a mum of teen boys and I know they have had comments made by friends over the years. I’m still in decent shape and am partial to a pair of shorts or a crop top in the summer but I would put their feelings first if I thought my style of dress was making them uncomfortable. It’s hard enough being a teenager these days without your mum adding to it.

You are underestimating how other people behave.

I agree that other kids shouldn't be making fun of the boy, but you should realise from the responses on this thread that there is a time and a place to wear "attention seeking" clothing, and thd school run is not one of them.

The OP's daughter lacks the social awareness to realise this. It's all very well wanting to be "individual", but you need to factor in how other people think. Sadly, it's the reality of today's world. We don't live in a silo.

Hmmm I think it says a lot that you think this woman should police her appearance based on how it makes a boy feel. She’s probably had quite enough of that!

Is there a reason you said “bars, not rings” ? Rings in your nipple are really not the best. It should be bars.

She isn’t naked or inappropriate in front of her child, but they are going to have to come to terms with their mother having nipples. I see absolutely no reason why this is being made into a thing. He should be told to stop being ridiculous, that his mother’s body is none of his concern, and to move on.

Interesting you repeat how there is no judgment but you’ve ladled the judgement pretty thick throughout. Trying to find a solution to your daughter’s nipples being visible through her top? Really?

I'm not saying her son should be bullied

Its telling that rather than thinking bullying needs to be addressed, you're instead trying to police a woman's body to satisfy men....

Are you suggesting that parents can do what ever they want without caring about their child’s feelings or that their child will be bullied for their actions? He’s a child, she’s an adult! If you want to go about life not caring what others think, great, go for it, but don’t have children who if you don’t care about their feelings.

Hahahahaha! Safeguarding? Ffs.

I don"t think they do, and I don't think they know any children of that age.

it's all very well wanting to look attention seeking, but don"t complain that you can't police what other people say or think. It 's how society operates..

Interestingly, at work we have all just been emailed with a dress code update because some of the attire that some people wear to the office is questionable. The OP's daughter and one or two of the posters on this thread (who like to think "me, I'm different" ) would be sent home to change and wages docked.

I find it hard to believe that people would actually be so meh about behaviour that will most likely result in the woman's son being subjected to endless, embarrassing jokes from his peers. He's 10 fgs.

She's risking causing long term damage to her relationship with her children. For what?

Seriously, do none of the people advocating for her right to dress however she likes on the school run remember what it's like being at school?

perhaps this is the first time in her whole life she’s felt a taste of actual freedom?

Funny how "freedom" involves filling your lips full of shit, getting rid of whatever extremely minor expressions lines a young woman would have by spending money getting shit injected into your face, getting tattoos of pinup girls (an objectifcation of women) with their breast exposed on your body, wearing skimpy clothing, and exposing piercings of your intimate body parts.

That's an interesting kind of freedom.

More like when sexual "liberation" turns into sexual promiscuity and sexual exploitation. Because men are still pulling the strings. The fact she's made all these modifications while heavily into OLD is telling.

She's been a teenage mother, she's now had an ltr with kids break down (all while still in her 20s), she's acting out - the money on the injections and tats would be better spent on counselling.

Alongside the wider issue of women's bodies being sexualised whilst they just exist

But this isn't "just existing".

This is purposefully outlining a widely considered intimate/sexual body part & the piercings you've had put there - in the context of child & family centred places like schools and camp sites.

If a bloke - for whom nipples are generally considered significantly less sexual - was wearing tight t-shirts with nothing underneath outlining his nipple piercings, people would still be similarly uncomfortable.

They might not say he looks like a sex worker (or they might) but they certainly wouldn't be thinking "that's totally appropriate for around school and family camp sites". His behaviour,/image would affect their kids at the school, just like it's affecting op's grandkids at the school.