Do you ever get a break?

This thread is making me feel so much better. I have a toddler and no family help - felt like the only one. I'm heavily pregnant and for various health reasons I'm now basically bedbound until pregnancy ends - and my parents still won't help out.

My DH is working until 11pm at night and still doing all the childcare pickups/dropoffs, nighttime routine at 7pm, everything. We're both exhausted.

When I was healthy/not pregnant we gave eachother full day breaks at weekends on occasion, alternated who did the bedtime routine/who went out of an evening to go see friends and also booked annual leave during childcare times for a break - which you can do if you're really struggling.

@mrsmangle45 I think when you don’t have family support and you don’t want to hire paid childcare then you just need to suck it up and deal with it to be honest 🤷🏻‍♀️ and I say that as someone very much in the same position 😊
Only 1 pre-school aged DC but I work full time and DH works at sea for 4 weeks then comes home for 2 weeks. So for 4 weeks I’m completely on my own, juggling work/nursery/clubs etc. Then DH comes home for 2 weeks and we have 4 days out of that when I’m not working. I’d feel horrendously guilty taking any of that time for myself as its our only real family time and I choose to prioritise that.
That being said, when he’s home and I’m working DH takes over the cooking and cleaning which feels nice as it lightens the load a bit having a second pair of hands! It’s nice being able to bath and put DC to bed after work and come back out to a tidy house and a freshly cooked dinner rather than having to tackle that too.

As for a break or time as a couple - we haven’t had any time alone together (other than evenings when DC is in bed) in the 4.5 years that we’ve been parents 😂 We got married during that time and had DC with us on our wedding night and honeymoon.
Our time for nights out and sleeping in will come again in time, but it’s just not in our lives for now 🤷🏻‍♀️ our “date night” would be a takeaway & movie with no phones allowed one night when DC goes to bed 🤷🏻‍♀️

Best thing we put in place was one parent gets up Saturday and plays with toddler till 9am then Sunday we swap. So we always get a lie in one of the days and it’s blissful.

We also took one days holiday every year off together and still put our kid in nursery, went out for lunch together and had a nice walk.

It’s getting so much easier now they are in school, you can cook dinner or garden while they play but don’t need constant supervision. It does get easier

It'll pass. We have similar, my parents nearby but not really willing to help! But ours are 13, 9 and 6! It's easier now. But we still never go out in an evening together. My eldest is ND so wouldn't like a babysitter. I go out sometimes, my husband goes out sometimes. It's easier now that they all sleep so we aren't knackered. As soon as your little ones is a bit older I'd definitely recommend a night away seeing friends. One night feels like a holiday! Or even if you're shattered, book a premier Inn and just sleep and have a lie in! It's good for you and DC to miss each other.

How do people cope? We had no family help so we took it in turns to have time to ourselves and lie ins.
We also hired babysitters. I had no qualms about leaving my DC with trusted sitters. if you won't consider it, then you have to soldier on.

I put my eldest (school age) in a club that they enjoy a few days a week in the hols so we don't need to tag team and use all our leave over the school holidays.

Could you do that? Then you have leave for actual time off to rest.

I can’t understand why you can’t go for a walk or have a lie in.

those are fairly simple and easy pleasures given there’s two of you.

one lie in each of a weekend.

one ‘me time’ break each of a few hours for a walk.

One dd aged 6. I work 4 days a week 9-3 I do the school run before work and pick up straight from work. My day off is spent keeping on top the housework. I do have a dp but he's not very hands on at all. Works full time and has a hobby that takes up at least 3 nights a week.

Only have my parents to babysit. But they were young having us and now at an age they want to enjoy themselves. Not to mention my dm works evenings Monday to Friday. We maybe get a babysitter once every 2 or 3 months.

It's hard. I understand.

I have 3 and never had any help from anyone. It's tiring but my husband would look after them if I wanted a night out/needed a rest and vice versa. We never went out just the 2 of us for decades.

Pretty normal. We don't have family near by to help. We focussed on sleep training so we weren't knackered. We had my mum babysit so we could have a meal in the local pub for our birthdays. Once they got to 3 or 4 we used staff from their preschool to babysit.

Its not forever but nope you don't get a break. Ive never really managed exercise for myself, the weekends seem to vanish ferryimg kids to hobbies/parties. I could go the gym after work on the 2 nights DH wfh, but I'd get home so late I'd be shattered and tbh i never have the energy plus i tend to prioritise trying to see the DC at bedtime (i leave very early in the mornings the days im in the office).

If you don't have anyone you'd leave them with then your options are surely to try to relax at home, such as a lie in or do something in the house away from the child. I even enjoy cooking on my own and listening to a podcast while DH takes responsibility for the DC and he enjoys the garden. We both let the other have time to ourselves. The other option is to go out even if it's just for a run or a coffee or one of you take the child out to give the other a break. I was out and about for about three hours today just going to the shops, running errands and popping in to see my mum. It meant DH had a break. Yesterday I went out shopping alone and left DC with DH for about three hours.

That is so tough and honestly I couldn't do it. Our 2 year old stays at grandparents 1-2 nights a week usually and that's been since I went back to work when they were 1. Before that, from birth to 1 it was once a month if not a little more often.

I would say can you ask their key worker from nursery to baby sit as they know your child but understand that you then have to pay them and also you don't get the house to yourself to get on top of stuff.

Me and my husband take it in turns to go out with friends on a weekend and take in turns to have a lie-in. Actual nights out together are very very rare!

But 3yr olds are hard. Remember when they get to 4-5 they are so much easier and you can get so much done round the house etc.

When your tweens a bit older, they might be able to babysit for you if they are trustworthy and have a good bond with your youngest.

Haven't read all the replies. But could your husband look after your child for a whole day to give you a day off, and then you do the same for him? Obviously that's not time off together, but at least you'd both be having a proper rest.

You might have forgotten this but it gets so much easier from about 3-5. SO MUCH! Mine are 3 and 5 and about 24 months ago we really regretted having them. Now life feels bearable again, sometimes even fun!

DH and I never got a night out or a break together when the kids were small, we'd just take it in turns to have a break / night out with friends / lie in. I remember having a night in a hotel by myself when the kids were ages 1-8 and it was amazing.
It's only since they've been older and can be home alone that DH and I now get to do stuff together.
I regularly got a break, so did DH, just never at the same time!

DH and I have had one evening out together in 6.5 years since our eldest was born. We don’t have anyone who could have all three and a babysitter would cost a fortune. We used to sometimes take a day of leave at the same time but now we need those for the school holidays.

we are used to it now but it is tiring and can be relentless. It is also a very different experience of parenthood compared to other people who have a lot of help on hand eg my friend has two kids and both her and her DHs parents live round the corner so they’re always having sleepovers, kids go to them after school, they go on weekends away together etc it’s just a completely different situation.

I’ve found it gets easier as they get older, but the first couple of years are tough. We’ve made friends with some other parents in the same position, so take it in turns having each others child over for a few hours at the weekend. I’d get chatting to other parents and start building this network. Good luck, it’s exhausting but it will get better eventually!

Do what my neighbours do, keep your 3yo up all through the night, then they sleep all morning so you get a long lie?

They only do this when the three older children are at their Dad's...

No night out together since oldest was born 7 years ago, it’s hard having no help! We have in the past taken leave from work for a day, but we need that now for half terms. We try to watch an episode or two of telly together a few nights a week and that’s it

When ours were this age we used babysitters (mainly either a lovely young woman who worked at DS nursery and then later someone we found on childcare.co.uk who started off doing after school one day a week and when we got to know her better she did evenings).