Do you ever get a break?

Honestly let your standards slip and take the long walks. If the grass isnt cut for one weekend, it's fine. Ignore some chores.

On the two adults mentioned, I think it is more about guilt/feeling like you are missing out even though you are actually able to take that break, as you want to spend time as a family. I had to train myself to take that time. Also, it looks different for each of us- my husband prefers a weekend away with friend a couple times a year, I have learned I need short time away weekly.

We have a 2 year old who is full on but with two of us, I find it quite easy to get a break each weekend.

We each get a lie at a weekend and we'll also take it in turns to take him out so the other can chill at home. Even a 2 year old can amuse themselves for a bit while you sit and have a cuppa.

With one child and two of you, there shouldn't be any reason why you can't get a break or spend time on your own and I say that as someone who works full time too!

I have 4 dc.
The only break I get is when they are in school/nursery or when I go to work.
Maybe once in a blue moon we will get a night together but that usually means we have to split the dc up between family

I found the toddler stage absolutely draining, so hopefully once you get through that you’ll feel a little bit more relaxed.

Like others have said I would seriously consider booking a sitter every now and then just so you could do something together, like going out for dinner.

I don’t quite understand why everything is on a timer though: do you ever get days out? What about resting after DC is in bed and enjoying the evening? Sometimes it’s worth delaying jobs around the house to just chill.

Single parent here….have been since twins were 1. I don’t get a break …..ever.

have to admit I do think when you have 2 adults in a household then one of you should be able to take it in turns to get a “break” especially on the weekend you don’t have your older child. It doesn’t take 2 adults to parent a 2 year old so if one takes them to the park then that’s your time to get a break or potter about etc

Big hugs, it is so tough will eventually pass.

It’s easier said than done to find a babysitter- I think it is dependent on where you live. Where I am, people tend to have a lot of family support, I have tried to source babysitters (and would pay decently) and nobody has been interested. People assume we have lots of grandparent help (but we don’t and no other relatives either), other friends mostly have that support so aren’t interested in helping for us to return the favour, which I’d gladly do.

I was in a similar situation, and felt so burnt out by it all. A few years on and it is getting much easier.
If you are very exhausted, I have taken a couple of sick days on occasion to rest up. I set aside a couple of annual leave days a year to take off while they are at school. We also planned alternate nights for doing bedtime so we had nights for ourselves or have a ‘date night’ after bedtime. Now they are in more drop off activities, so we have that time, these happen from
abiut age 4/5. Forcing myself not to clock watch has helped too.

I hear you, it's not the needing a babysitter so we could go out I wanted but more I just needed the world to stop for a minute so I could catch my breath.

Parenting is full on, I had 3 under 4yo and DH did shifts so rarely home. But as time went on, they become more self sufficient.. I remember distinctly when we moved all the toys from the lounge into their rooms, and they started playing in there. It felt weird not needing eyes on the kids all the time.

Then, it was being able to pop across the road to the corner shop without them, then round the back to the pub for an afternoon glass of wine, leaving them behind. Now, they're teens and I can leave them all day if needs be.

You do get there, but in the meantime you just need to take the little breaks whenever the chance arises.

Oh, and by the time you can get a lay on you won't because your body becomes so trained not to......goddammit 😆

You can still get a babysitter and have a date night in while the babysitter is with the kid (in a different room). After a few times you may feel more comfortable going out while the babysitter is with DC

We didn't have any breaks for a couple of years when we had two small ones as they were too much for anyone else. It was tough.

Now they're older and more manageable (younger one is nearly 3y) we get a break every few months when one of the grandparents from out of town might takes them which is amazing.

I think you just keep your eye on the future telling yourself it'll be better then they're 2 or 2 1/2 or 3. And keep doing the one parent takes the child/ren while the other gets a proper break (or just a chance to do chores/ DIY uninterrupted) for a few hours at least once a week. We also alternate mornings so I get up with the kids Saturdays and my DH gets up with them Sundays.

Doing nothing is doing something. It's called self care. I dealt with severe PPD . We had a gal we met through the children's daycare come one night a week to just help. She had a sister a year older than mine. She could feed them, bathe them and put them to bed with no hassle. We then became more comfortable with leaving them for a date night. We'd go right after work, and be home by 8pm and they were asleep. You have to relinquish control somewhat. Some choose not to do this, but it worked for us. We also let each other sleep in every weekend. That saved my sanity. I've now got my 9yo granddaughter living with me and I have no help, so I can relate. My oldest comes about once a month over a weekend and gives me a break but she's 2 hours away, has a job, etc., so I appreciate what she's able to do. Good luck. I do feel better after I've had some ME time.

We also get no break and no time together. Our children are 3 years old and 3 months. It's exhausting. My mum helps with my eldest one afternoon a week so I just have the baby but that's it really. We have been out twice on a "date night" in about 3 and a half years and that's just involved 2-3 hours away from home.
both our parents work full time but MIL is cutting her days soon but she made it very clear it won't be to help with childcare.

We have 3 kids.
A babysitter and a night out has always been a thing here. We make sure to go every second month.

The babysitter took the youngst to the zoo a couple of hours on Saturday morning then my husband was travelling for work and I needed to sleep. Child loved it.

Two year olds are relentless but as you know from your older child, it does get much easier.

at that age we would share having a lay in at the weekend and each take a sat or Sunday and sleep as late as we could. It’s really helped! I struggle to sleep so would take half a nytol.

I'm a sahm and I get a break now while our toddler is in preschool for a few hours a week, but before that I was with her all the time and we don't have evenings out or leave them with relatives or a babysitter. I am used to it now though and never had a desperate need for a break from the dcs. DH is very hands on (when he's not at work we split parenting/chores equally, and we usually have one dc each, so we are both busy with dcs all the time). But having one dc each is easier than having both dcs while the other one goes out, so neither of us go out on our own.

We could afford a babysitter but I don't like the idea of one being in our home really, so that's a personal choice. We have fun as a family at weekends and I'm happier doing that than going off and doing solo activities or going out with DH and having dcs in childcare. GPs are overseas and will look after dcs for a few hours when we visit, but they don't have enough energy for them really.

I do miss having evenings out with DH but I accepted that wasn't going to happen for a while once we had dcs, and I know the chance will come again once they're older and less interested in being with us (and I will also have more time for solo interests when both dcs are in school).

How do people cope?!

They use babysitters, either to go out or get things done at home. Start by having one around for an hour while you tidy upstairs and work from there.

Why not find a babysitter??

Not willing to? Then don’t complain.

Literally never, and we have 4. Sometimes, if my daughter has an extra class at her activity that is on the weekend, I can leave the other 3 with my husband, and then when she is in her class I do a grocery shop by myself and it feels like a holiday. Haha. My older ones would be fine with a babysitter, but my youngest would find it really stressful so it's not worth the hassle to me. I don't mind though, eventually they won't need me. It sounds like you need to organize a day on a weekend where there isn't too much on, where your husband cares for your toddler and you take that day to do whatever you like. And then do the same for him.

If you don’t have paid night time childcare, you just need to tag team so one of you gets a break at a time. I don’t think DH and I ever went to the same gig or film for about eight years

I guess how do you define a 'break'. Time to lie in bed until midday - nope, but tbh we grew out of that years ago. We take it in turns to have an evening to pursue an interest. As for having 'nights out' together, not a lot. We are more daytime people now anyway, with FT jobs and lives we don't have the energy for painting the town red.

I know what you mean, I wouldn't leave my DC with babysitter either. Do you know if any of the nursery teachers do babysitting? That could be a good option. I feel you though, I'd love a weekend to myself!

I think you need to make the most of what you have. We did have some family support but it all went on childcare while we worked. Now our 16 year old with additional needs has only just gone up to bed so I am jealous of people who get any sort of evening to themselves, however exhausted. Choose to count it, don't dismiss the lie ins and evenings you have. We liked a dine in meal deal with bottle of wine after bedtime. Now we have to buy it X2 and include the teens...

Honestly, I think you should give some consideration to getting an occasional babysitter. Is there a local teenager who would come and play with your toddler for 1-2 hours on a Saturday, while you get on with other things? Like a mother’s help. Over time, if you’re happy with the set-up, you could look at going out for coffee just the two of you, or for an early bird.

I hear you about feeling like you’re on a timer.

but it does - eventually - result in a positive.

for me, now that my dds are teenagers and I can often do what I like - dilly dallying deliberately is so much more glorious now than it ever was prekids.

I remember those days and the end never felt in sight!
I was on my own with twins and no support at all, BUT...
Even though, I'm still on my own with them, it has got a lot less full on as they have got older (they're 7).