Am I a pearl clutcher?

I would be worried about someone swallowing some of the ashes too, so I think it would have been more appropriate to scatter his ashes away from others.

RIP Martin 💙

I hope you’re enjoying the beautiful crystal blue waters, fish, snorkelers, children’s piss and Pawse’s pearls. 🙏🏼 🌊 🐚

Yeah, it would bother me OP.

Yanbu. Very weird to tip Martin off the side of a boat surrounded by families having a day out!

From a purely selfish point of view, I wouldn't enjoy seeing someone scatter ashes where I was trying to enjoy an expensive and rare holiday. It's not a time when I'd appreciate being reminded of death. I know people like to do this in places that are beautiful or meaningful, but personally, I'd rather it were done quietly and privately.

You were worried about them swallowing ashes? They eat meat? Walk alongside traffic and breathe the fumes ? It’s just carbon - chemically it will not be much different to the ashes in your wood burner I would guess?

All I can think about is Tania on the White Lotus

As someone who regularly scatters ashes in the sea and gets them blown back at me I can’t get worked up 🙈

Dunno like. My BSH likes to soak in the tub with me every now and again. He'd make a great sea-cat

Tbf the other swimmers didn’t get to consent to having Martin in their mouths and swimsuits.

When my cousin died and was cremated, she wanted her ashes scattered in 3 places:
Tavern on the Green in NYC (illegal, but they snuck in and did it anyhow on the grass).
Up high in the Sierras at their cabin.
Maui - they hired a boat that took them pretty far offshore and also threw leis and other flowers (I think they have services for that, not sure).

My aunt was so torn up about it that she held some of the ashes back and went back to Maui twice more to do it again.

Scattering ashes is never as dignified as it should be in my experience. When DB and I scattered our Dad I tried to make it a respectful occasion and read a poem, but my brother forgot to properly check the wind direction and got some in his eye. And there was so much - it looked like a building site covered in grey sand by the time we’d finished - they’re actually quite heavy and don’t naturally “scatter” which we hadn’t realized. Luckily our dad would have found it completely hilarious which made it a bit better.

I was amazed at the weight of OH's ashes, we see people on TV blissfully holding an urn in one hand to sprinkle ashes, no way could I have done that!

Having scattered ashes of various people in various locations in the past... its an honour to do it, often weirdly a total anti-climax, and a totally inert lumpy dust. I dont understand why you'd ge concerned about someone coming into contact with it. Particularly in the sea - it would be a teensy fleck at the m9st, in an absolute most bizarre set of coincidences.
Think how many fishes have pissed in the ocean. Or dinosaurs. Or whatever. Gen the poops and corpses. The odd cremated ashes is irrelevant ... It's not hygienic anyway.

Whoever was scattering the ashes probably had ages to think about how it would be - would they cry? Say something? Of course it's a bit false and not spontaneous. I imagine they wanted Martin to be somewhere they shared happy memories of playing about in the water somewhere beautiful.

There’s more gross things to get a gob full of in the sea than Martin.

welcome to the club, and yes you are a pearl clutcher

I think some people are simply stupid. We will be scattering ashes in a public park in July. The park has regulations and one is to scatter away from people who are spending time at the park. They have a new scattering area, and we will go do it there.

'Performance crying' is very unkind in the circumstances.

Most of the ash is wood from the coffin. It doesn’t sound like the most spiritual experience, but it certainly isn’t a hygiene problem..

My dad died last year, and we were told by the undertaker that a human's ashes weigh approximately the same as their birth weight. I have heard several accounts from people trying to scatter their loved one's ashes that it is more difficult than you would imagine, as in they can blow back in your face and don't actually waft away as you might imagine.
I only add this for context!

Sure you weren’t accidentally an extra in White Lotus?

Your posts sound like the woman’s ease with grieving publicly has made you feel uncomfortable somehow. ‘Performative crying’ etc. If that’s the case, I get it, I get uncomfortable seeing people open enough to cry in work or just in front of others. I know that’s a me issue, not a them issue, though.

Sounds like it was a tiny amount of ashes, was hardly going to get swallowed by people on the trip and that lady was obviously comfortable showing her emotions in public (so I can be comfortable ignoring them and leaving her to it). I feel like this is a total non-issue, OP.

Human ashes are just ashes, harmless. But this has just reminded me of the excellent Donny's ashes scene in The Big Lebowski. It's on YouTube, if anyone cares.

YANBU or a pearl clutcher OP.

It wasn’t the time or place to scatter someone’s ashes. So because of that, the performance crying I can believe.

The amount of posters berating you for your choice of words and not the subject matter is eye rolling to say the least!

Yes, you are a pearl clutcher.
Show some respect for people who are grieving.