Am I a pearl clutcher?

Very true. Half of my Dad is in an urn in a gift bag behind my Mum's sofa. If I'm helping her tidy up she'll say 'say hello to your Dad whilst you're down there'. Half of him is in an extremely beautiful place that was his childhood home. We've never decided what to do with the rest. At this point I'm going to hang on to them so I can scatter him with some of my Mum - but I'm not mentioning this as she might object. My friend's Mum is divided between a number of pots with beautiful plants in them in her children's gardens.

I do understand that some people attach a lot more meaning to the remains of their loved ones and would not be similarly flippant. I stress that in my Dad's case he would have found it hilarious.

@Pawse

Would they just sink with no trace or float along like a Martin oil slick onto the faces of swimmers?

We poured scattered my MIL's ashes into a lake. In private, with full permission and no performative crying. The water was clear and the ashes sunk straight to the bottom - there was nothing to see on the surface at all.

It also tickles me that some people think I'm trying to be funny in my OP

Because you have described an exact (and very funny) scene from White Lotus.

Scattering ashes is something I would want to do much more privately than that but I don't think it would actually bother me too much. I wouldn't pay it a great deal of attention.

DH's Dad's ashes were scattered at sea, some distance off the coast of a favourite island and with use of his best friend's sailing boat, so nobody else nearby. His Mum was scattered at sea too years later, in a different country. Again, nobody nearby except family.

My sister and I scattered our Dad on a hillside in a position he had suggested himself. It was a damp and overcast day and no-one else was near to us.

The fish eat them.

I’m sorry but the first page of this thread really made me laugh

Haha l loved that episode - oh yes it will be a nice romantic boat trip🤣

Yeah, I get you. It just reminds me of so many scenes in comedies where they cast the ashes out to sea and it blows back into someone's face?! I'd probably find it darkly amusing. But it's true it's rather bizarre. They should've been a bit more subtle?!

Was the snorkelling interrupted when all the fish got out of the water to use the toilets - because nobody wants to ingest fish shit/piss do they?

What about the coral? (yes, I have just wasted 2 minutes googling 'does coral excrete')

I think we need to hear more from Martin on the matter.

I honestly do think putting things in the wrong bin is worse!

As a PP said our surroundings are full of bits that were once part of people. Where do you think people’s ashes end up? - in the soil, in the water, in plants and animals etc.

However I didn’t say OP is a pearl-clutcher or unempathetic. She didn’t like it and I can respect some people feel that way - though to me it’s irrational, I have irrational feelings too about various things.

I can see both sides tbh. I’d have been a bit more discreet and private if I was the scatterer, but I wouldn’t have minded that much if I was the observer.

Thread has given me a good laugh though and I hope Martin would be happy he’s being remembered. Whether hamster or human or whatever.

He did say it was the trip of a life time.

Yes, a hamster that so enjoyed the annual fortnight in Kusadasi last year, with the half day boat excursion - lunch included and optional swim, they promised to take him back this year. Sadly his life span dictated otherwise leaving no choice but to 'assail' swimmers with his remains like a maritime adaptation of pet cemetery.

Or that was all that was left of Martin after a shark attack where the boat moored up.

I would not want Martin in my hair or on my kids. Clean or not. Diluted or not. You need my consent to touch me alive or dead

Performance Crying?

I think your post is moreso the case of Performance Outrage.

(Also I don't think you have used the pearl clutching phrase correctly here).

Anyway you are just showing your total naivety here as it is customary in African culture to honour the person who has passed by loud crying or even referred to as wailing. You should be more respectful of other cultures in the future.

I agree she should have been more discrete about it. Pushing your grief into people’s holidays is poor behaviour. Understandable and acceptable if you are surprised by it - but to plan on scattering someone’s ashes loudly in the middle of a tourist swim trip open to the public is pretty off.

However, even swallowing a bit of someone’s ashes isn’t actually in anyway bad for you. You are constantly recycling bits that have been in parts of other people. It’s how the ecosystem works. A few flecks of ash in sea water is only awful if you actually take the time to conceptualize it as Martin. You don’t do that with all the other atoms you eat, drink and breath that were once other people, with the other water molecules in that sea water everyone was swimming in that had once been other people, there’s no need to do it with the ash either.

From a hygiene perspective it’s no worse than a bit of sand so wouldn’t bother me on that front.

I think it’s a bit performative and melodramatic on her part though.

Lifeboat crew. We get asked to scatter quite a lot! And we don’t have a big all weather boat, just inshore boats, so we’re close to the water!

🤣🤣🤣

Totally irrelevant, I know, but was this the Blue Lagoon in Gozo? I only ask because it's a bit crowded and usually packed solid with tourists.

Poor Martin, probably going home stuck to the end of someone's snorkel, or on the bottom of a flip flop.

No it would creep me out too. What if some of Martin went in my mouth??

Fairly common no? We scattered some of my friend's ashes in a place that meant a lot to them. Her mum and Dad (separated) both got some, kept some in jewelry and scattered the rest in different places.

We scattered my grandparents at a family plot and the place they used to go on holiday every year.

I would have found it weird indeed. I'm a vegetarian and I wouldn't appreciate getting Martin's ashes in my mouth. As for the performative crying- was the woman American? For having lived there I can say that the majority of them do everything performative so it wouldn't surprise me a bit.