Parents saying sister never visits

My Grandmother always complains that none of the family visit her and she’s always alone. The truth is she has at least one of us visit everyday and some days more than one of us. She just likes to play the victim and has always been like this.

And yet…you are here wondering if you speak to her, whether your sister is right and if you should be moving back…..

Look I’ve had a grandparent doing that.
’oh you never come and see us’ and ‘oh you never ring’. Whilst never bothering to actually make the effort themselves

The guilt tripping, the assumption that it’s the younger generation who should make the effort, playing the victim, putting pressure using other people (in this case YOU. In my case, grandfather was going through my dad).
Enough!
Don’t be your parents messenger. Your mum can talk to her dd!
Stop playing the game. They’re in their 70s and live only 10 mins away. They can ring and organise to meet up at your sister’s house
And please don’t move back to please your mum.

If they, the (presumably) retired people with lots of free time, want to see your DSIS (the busy working person) more, then maybe they should get off their lazy arses, make plans, and go and see her.

Very,very clear manipulative behaviour at play here.

Stay out of it.

It's up to them to manage their relationship with your sister.

I've had relatives like this too.
Granny: No-one ever visits me!
Me: but Aunty Jo was here on Wednesday. And I'm here today.
Granny: See?! No-one comes to see me! Only you and Aunty Jo.
Me: Do we not count as visitors?
Granny: You always come. I know you'll come. See? I don't get visitors.
Me: gives up and pours more tea

So it could be a perceptual thing, that going once a week or fortnight isn't enough.
@Plottingmyescape I would stay well out of it. Maybe your sister doesn't visit as much as when the children were younger, especially if they have busy schedules with clubs etc.

Op I think this is more about you feeling bad because you live so far away and can't just go round for a cup of tea, and talk it over- is that possible? I'm saying that as I live away from my family too and I feel terrible whenever there's an issue and I can't step in...

You, possibly @Plottingmyescape

they are "inadvertently" roping you in as their "flying monkey"

Ok that's fair enough they've said don't talk to her. But a seed has been planted though!

Really!! Didn't come across that way to me.

Take a step back @Bologneselove , you'll never be able to do enough for someone that doesn't appreciate what you do.

My mum and I don’t have a great relationship. She never calls me or visits me but does both with my younger sister repeatedly each day. My mum does all sorts for my sister, whilst does nothing for me. I’m expected to sort all my mum’s problems out, I did loads for her recently as her home was a mess. Afterwards she didn’t bother with me as was back with my sister. All my sister does is take mum shopping occasionally, they live 2 minutes walk from each other, whereas I’m a 10 minute drive away. My sister recently told me mum isn’t happy because I don’t help mum. Annoying and made me think my sister is stirring, although I know it’s true. My view is don’t get involved as a relationship takes two.

Oh yes, and then if dsis does say anything they can go all wide eyed....'oh we don't know what's got into @Plottingmyescape .... of course we've no issues with how often you visit....🥺🥺🥺

If they don't contact her or her DC or travel the short distance to see her, she may think they aren't very interested.

They're trying to get you to say something to your sister, so you'd be the one putting the pressure on your sister to visit more.

My dad told my sister I never see him but the truth is I don't have much of a relationship with him.
He has never ever made an effort with me or my son then when he retired started turning up unannounced to just sit in my house whilst I had 1000 things to do.
If your mum isn't or hasn't been making an effort when i guess they are retired with little responsibilities theres no reason for your sister to go out of her way.

My DPs are in their early 70’s. Despite travelling reasonable distances to go shopping, go on holiday, visit friends, etc they never make it the 20 minutes or so to my house.

I used to feel guilty and visit them every week, even when I worked all week and DCs had activities etc at weekends.

I don’t bother anymore. They occasionally complain they don’t see us very often but I’m fed up of being the only one to make an effort. The road between our houses runs in both directions.

Maybe it’s the same with your DSIS?

My mum tells me it's months since she saw youngest DB even when we were both there at the same time the previous week and I know he's done DIY for her a couple of weeks before. I wouldn't necessarily take it at face value.

You don't need to speak to your sister. It is her choice not to visit, just as it is your choice to live abroad. All good - neither of you should feel guilty. Ideally, you will just ignore your parents' emotional blackmail.