To leave the marital home in a mess

I was going to suggest renting a skip over a weekend. You'd be amazed how much stuff you can dispose of without worrying about going to a tip.

It the house is cluttered because you're a bit of a hoarder (not sure this is the case, but some of your posts suggest this), then I can see why you might feel responsible but also that the anxious your feeling about leaving the stuff there is probably more to so with the anxiety that makes you hoard than the idea your children will be hard done by if you leave it. They've been living in a place in that state until now - why would it be so much worse for them to be in it next month or next year?

I think you probably need to talk with a counsellor about what makes you look for control in ineffective ways.

But no, you should not try to sort things out after you've left. If your ex wants to clean things out he can. If he wants to leave it as is he can. Your kids are going to be fine.

Why don’t you hire a skip and declutter as you’re packing your things?

You might be surprised how motivated he could get once yourer gone. I left the marital home thinking the ex wouldn’t clear out stuff but he did. My son said the house was a lot more spacious !

Make sure you take the stuff you really want. You’ll think of things you wish you had after you are gone, it’s impossible to take absolutely everything.

Exactly this. If you didn’t care about them living in a hoarded mess for all these years, why would you suddenly feel the need to clean it up before you move out? It makes no sense.

They're living in one now though, so what's the difference?

Get a skip, be ruthless. I don't think it's fair to leave it for ex to sort out if it's both your stuff/kids stuff. Pick one room at a time and just throw away anything you don't need at all. It will then be easier to sort out. Otherwise you just move stuff from one room to another. I think if you have a skip and you haven't got to go through it sorting it out into piles and take it to charity shops or dump. Put stuff that is in good condition front of the skip and post on local FB that is available. Anything not taken you can then just go in the skip.

Bit off to say you "need to know it's nice for them to visit" when you have been living full time with them with it all there for years?

Start bagging and donating stuff. Have a garage sale. Make up bags of toys and sell for almost free just to get rid without having to pay.

Psy for someone to sort it out? Take all of your personal stuff ,- craft clothes etc.

Create a clutter free bedrooms for the kids.

Leave the rest ti him especially items that came from his family.

When I left I cleared out all of my stuff and ds stuff as he was coming with me. Left everything else to my ex to sort but more because i didn't want him having any of my documents or info so had to clear out irregardless.

If a skip feels daunting, hippobags are great- they post or deliver various sizes of flat bags that fold out, and they come and collect them when full.

I agree that for your kids' sakes, you should tackle as much as you can - it'll make it more appealing for them to visit him.

Accepting I might be biased as just the thought of that clutter makes my chest tighten..!

What an ungodly waste of the planet’s resources. Hundreds of plushies??

Get a skip, they make such a difference. Also depending on the house could you put things out front for people to take? We do regularly.

We moved during covid so were restricted in donating things, so put all sorts, bikes, garden toys, furniture in our front garden and I posted on the local Facebook pages, free stuff at X address all must go. Most of it was taken. Also see if there are any scrap collectors close by. We have one that regularly post on our local pages what days he’s in the agree so people can put stuff outside. They also regularly offer to clear out garages and sheds. Just make sure you hide stuff you don’t want them to take.

We once filled a skip 3 times, same skip, we kept adding things and people kept taking things out. You will be amazed what people take from skips.

I bag up stuff and allocate them, good quality goes to charity shops or a local charity that sets up families in need. Old worn stuff clothes gets put in the cloths bins to be turned into rags. Everything else scrapped or binned.

I've made quite a bit of money selling my kids toys and clothes at car boot sales, I see you don't have a car. Facebook or Freecycle and say free toys outside X address and leave stuff on the street with a note saying free.

Did you never throw anything away?

I don’t really get your concern now when you have all been living like that for years anyway 🤷‍♀️

It sounds like someone has a hoarder issue.

Is it manly yours?

Can you joint pay for a skip? Sounds like you would fill it easily then if there's still more it's up to him to sort out

Just take want you want or need OP

We don’t know the circumstances of her departure; there might be a context that makes it difficult.

If his family kept dumping stuff on you and he wouldn't tell them to pack it in then he can deal with what's left. If he doesn't clean properly then he's going to get a shock when you're no longer doing it all, even if it's just him most of the tim

Why would you leave your kids with this chaotic mess. Of course you should have a huge clear out if you are a decent parent

OP, you're just as responsible as your ex for the buildup of clutter and junk.
It's a bit rich to say you're concerned your children won't have a clean and clutter free home when they stay with your ex when you've clearly contributed to and lived with the clutter up to now but are choosing to leave the junk behind.

Does he know you are going? Do the kids? They may feel very conflicted about either precious things being left behind, or precious things turfed into a skip. Their emotional state needs to be considered.

If possible, an orderly, agreed clear out (in 2-2 months when the dust has settled) would be the best solution, as it doesn’t sound like he will keep the house in a good state for when the children stay with him.

If you helped cause it, you help sort it. Especially if your kids will be staying there