Guilt trip over an abortion

Very unfair comment re the man. What man would want to become a father with a baby born to a woman he has known only afew weeks.
Deceitful on part of OP

You didn't use contraception? I can see why he feels that you trapped him. Very selfish on your part. Pregnant after being together for such a short time.
Probably best if you admit to yourself that you wanted to become pregnant

I dunno. She could probably ghost him right now and I doubt he’d be banging down the door. No need to be stuck with him yet.

Oh my, I’m surprised by all the vitriol on this thread? I’m in my late 30s, have been trying for a baby with my lovely partner for 4 years including two miscarriages spontaneous pregnancies and failed ivf. I wish with a passion I’d gotten accidentally pregnant in my late 20s. I’d say congratulations to you, only I’m sorry the baby’s father sounds like a creep. Hopefully it’s just a shitty kneejerk reaction from a man child living with his parents and he’ll support his child when it becomes a reality to him. My sister is a single parent (and works FT as a primary teacher). With family help, she lives a busy but very happy life. Her and daughter go on little holidays together and are best buds. Her daughter is an amazing kid beloved by the whole family. Best of luck :)

Except she may well just be stuck with a ‘shit dad’ anyway, too soon to see if he will be involved or not.

he said I had done all this on purpose to try and trap him (I haven’t), it was all a plan and he fell for it etc.

Well you did, didn't you? Whilst he should have taken responsibility for contraception his end too if he didn't want a child, you weren't using any with a man you'd known for 2 month so you were basically actively trying to get pregnant your end. Of course you shouldn't have an abortion though unless it's something you want yourself.

Congratulations OP. You sound financially and practically capable. Plenty of people raise healthy, happy, functioning humans on their own. And no dad at all is always better than a shit one- never forget that.
No- it won’t be easy at all and your career may take a hit (that’s not unique to single parenthood by any stretch!) but children are a blessing and something to be celebrated. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy, meaning it’s time to stop feeling guilty over something you are not solely responsible for. Cortisol is not good for the baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I think you need to give him time to get his head around it. It’s very early days. Clearly you both knew you could get pregnant having unprotected sex - I guess he was just enjoying himself, didn’t want to use a condom and thought you’d “take care of it” if you got pregnant. That’s pretty unsavoury. Personally I’d prefer to raise a child alone than with a random guy I dated for a few weeks.

People will always say “he chose to have sex with you knowing you weren’t on contraception so tough titties for him”.

In a lovely feminist paradise that would be absolutely true. In reality when a straight couple have unprotected sex the only person whose life is at risk of completely blowing up due to a pregnancy is the woman’s.

At most the man will have to pay a bare minimum payment once a month for 18 years but that’s it.

That’s why men don’t make a fuss about having unprotected sex. That’s why there is no point in saying “he knew this risks”!

Yeah he did. He knew you might get pregnant and he could just fuck off and having nothing to do with it. So not much of a risk for him. That’s why women have to take responsibility for contraception. It’s not fair but it’s life. It’s women who take all the risk when having unprotected sex.

It’s not just about you, it’s about bringing a child into a messy situation with one parent who doesn’t want to know.

Your body, your choice.

He sounds like an immature twat. But then I cannot understand why you, for whom contraception is free and who has informed choice, chooses to have unprotected sex with a man you’ve known for 5 minutes? Why would you do that? And THEN be surprised, when you don’t know this man at all, by his reaction? Did you expect a proposal and a happy ever after??.

Another child in a shit situation

And you only knew the guy for 8 weeks? No comment

100% agreed

If you want to be a single mum and you think you can manage, do it.
Just dont expect your partner (or ex partner) to help, as he doesnt sound supportive and you cant force him.
He can pay child maintenance though

There is no faster route into poverty than to have a child with a useless man. Honestly OP think again.

This. If you’re not trying not to have a baby, you are trying for a baby. With a stranger.

<slow hand clap>

You're both idiots.

Sound like a pair of irresponsible 16 year olds ffs

Do consider that you may have to coparent with this “wonderful” man for the next two decades. You don’t get a choice on his level of involvement.

I know you think you can raise this baby on your own but there is another possibility: he wants to be involved and will make your life an absolute fucking nightmare.

Having a baby with someone ties you to them in ways nothing else does. You are tied to him for the next 18 years. He will dictate how you spend your Christmas, your summer holidays, absolutely ruin the newborn days, he can even go to court and stop you from moving house if you're trying to move too far away.

And all that is assuming he's not an abusive arsehole who will completely fuck up this poor baby's childhood and future forever.

I'm assuming the condom(s) broke.
Please think long and hard about your next move. Single - parenthood can be great but it can also be really hard. Your family may well be supportive but your child is your responsibility.
I wish you well and hope you demonstrate a greater sense of responsibility towards future children than you have thus far.

Do you really want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life? You might find he wants 50/50 access as well and your child could end up as part of a complicated half sibling family.

Personally I wouldn't continue with this, you are still young and the right person who will want a family with you is out there but you'll be spending the next several years alone every evening if you have the baby.

I'm sure you knew having unprotected sex was foolish. You don't need mumsnet to tell you. And it's done now.

Did you have a conversation about contraception or did he perhaps assume you were on the pill? If it was the latter, it's still his responsibility and not your fault but I can see how he's making it work in his head that this was planned. Because most women who don't insist on a condom would be on the pill. But that's not actually your problem. He should have asked.

You shouldn't have to get a termination if you don't feel you can. There should be no guilt attached to it.

With that said, I can understand that it makes no sense for you to have a baby with someone you just met, especially if this is how they've reacted, so I can understand why people might express that. It's not giving a child a chance at having two parents, let alone a known outcome. However you are where you are and I agree that you can make it work if you want to.

But you will have to detach from this man and everyone who agrees with him and just make wise choices from this point forward.

First dump him. Then decide what you want to do. If that’s an abortion, then go for it-you can feel sad and regretful even if it’s the right thing to do. If it’s having the baby, apply to the CSA as soon as it’ born.