Guilt trip over an abortion

I’m really sorry - that’s sounds very hard.
( and thank you for addressing the OP respectfully and with compassion because that’s what she needs right now - not criticism)

I agree with this

I’m a single parent and co parenting with my ex is utterly shit because IMO he is irresponsible. I have to hand over my amazing children who I would do anything for, to someone who has them at the bottom of his priority list. My heart sinks when it comes to his weekends. I worry less about my 10 year old going out on his own. My youngest is only 7 so I have many more years of this. I’ll always be tied to him even when the children are adults.

I really would not recommend doing this by choice. In my case I married someone I thought was amazing and it turns out he wasn’t. I don’t regret my children or what happened because I didn’t know but you do. This one has shown his true colours early on. You are only 29, you have time to meet someone decent and have a baby with someone who wants that too.

OP has support from family , it’s probably more support than some of us “married” ones have

second paragraph is not valid at all; the fact that two people are under one roof parenting a kid, doesn’t mean at all that home is committed or stable

I know at least 3 girls that are self harming currently and they come from “loving” “committed” families

This solvent committed man might not show up. I work with some amazing, bright, beautiful caring women who’ve missed the boat and it’s shit. I listen to their abortion regrets and regret that even if they were in a bloody awful marriage they wish they’d have had a child to show for it. That’s the reality, these good quality men are so few.

Honestly- so many posters on here want to SHAME the OP into having an abortion because of her terrible unforgivable act of having unprotected sex.

This judgemental unforgiving harsh puritanical attitude is truly disgusting.

Blimey - having the baby is “punishment “ for not taking the responsibility of contraception…. ?
She wants the baby … it’s not “punishment “

So if it’s not a mistake- what would you define it as - a crime? a mortal sin ?

Is there a reason you had sex without contraception, if getting pregnant wasn’t the intention? As much as I agree that yes he should have wore a condom, it’s a 2 way mutual agreement.

I don’t think a baby should be born as almost a punishment for both of you not taking responsibility of contraception.

How secure is a home made up of someone who makes impulsive choices and nobody else? What happens to the new human being if OP becomes ill or dies? Or even just loses her job, becomes disabled, or otherwise is unable to properly care for the new human being? Then what?

Why not wait until one can provide a stable, committed, solvent, two-parent planned home for offspring?

@OpheliaWasntMad I don’t think not using contraception counts as a mistake. Not when you are a fully functioning adult who can hold down a job and own a house.

Producing a pregnancy with a virtual stranger who buggers off isn't a mistake. It's a grievously terrible life choice.

Running up credit-card debt is a mistake. Scraping another car's fender is a mistake. Getting a bad dye job is a mistake. Producing another human being into a disadvantaged situation out of sheer irresponsible carelessness goes far, far, far beyond "mistake."

People make mistakes @Arancia .

And when that happens they have to make the best decision in their particular circumstances

Yes - you keep repeating what numerous other posters have already said .
It’s not ideal - we all KNOW that . Lol
BUT - if the OP can offer a secure and loving home the child can thrive and be happy.

Absolutely NO ONE has said single parenthood should be celebrated or striven for . I was simply objecting to numerous posters piling on here to all tell the OP she was “stupid”, “idiotic” etc .
The OP appears to have left the thread and given the horrendous comments on here I don’t blame her.

Her situation is a difficult one . What’s done is done etc … She wants to keep the baby but the father is not supportive . I’ve had friends in similar situations and things have worked out ok .

But there are other methods available to avoid pregnancy if one or two of them don't work for you for whatever reason. There's just no good excuse for not ensuring that at least one party protects themselves...

@snughugs I am putting a child first

You completely missed the point, lol. You are happy to accept that a child born into a messy parenting situation can potentially turn out alright. Which is true, the potential is there. However, I'm saying that children should ideally be born into a parenting situation that is much more highly likely to turn them into well adjusted, happy people compared to a single mother situation. I'm sorry, but single motherhood is not the best to offer a child if you can avoid it. In this case, OP could have along with her Casanova of a lover.

Also, other males cannot truly replace a biological father.

Not really. But single motherhood is not something to strive for or celebrate, because it's neither a win for the children or for women. Only for men that can run away from their responsibilities.

How is it a mistake though? Calling this a mistake indicates that neither OP or the guy she slept with know how babies are made, so they had sex genuinely thinking that babies are delivered by storks.

This is not a mistake, it's pure recklessness and irresponsibility. That's not the same as making mistakes.

In the day and age of very immature men not being ready until they’re heading to their 40s of course it’s a natural desire to have children if you’re a woman. Men now get no strings sex due to the pill and due to not having to get married to have sex. Men love sex which has no consequences and so they can remain like Peter Pan and never deal with being a big boy. Women are now seeking out donors and like the poster and probably like myself thinking now or never. Women who are solvent and accomplished don’t really want to take up with just anyone. I mean it’s ok to expect a similar level of financial security and intelligence. I suspect you believe women at their peak with the financial ability to provide should miss out on Motherhood and a family because Peter Pan wants her to terminate as the child needs a Dad regardless of the quality of some of these men who are fathers. Men will take the easy route out especially if society allows it. There’s plenty solo Mother’s now bringing a different dynamic.

All this thread is women shaming women for having sex and the man not taking responsibility for the child but she is. What’s the problem? She’s unlikely to be claiming loads of benefits and will be a hard working role model who’s shown she’s taken responsibility. Men or misogynistic women do not get to dictate if other women are worthy enough to take responsibility for their actions and be Mothers.

Poor kid. I think it’s really unfair on a child to bring it into the world with one parent actively not wanting it there. How it going to work long term. Are you willing for him to have the kid 50% of the time because he might choose to do that.

educational outcomes are not everything. DH has been a wonderful dad to DC. Their lives would have been much poorer without him (and I don’t mean materially). His side of the family have also enriched their lives (again not talking materially). Why purposely deprive a child of these people in their lives. why decide a shit dad is a good thing just so you can have a baby?

Most children probably won’t tell their single mum that they wish they had a dad, or wonder why she chose such a shit person to provide the sperm but many will think it.

There is much talk about young males needing a role model, our DC have a fine example in their dad.

I’m obviously not talking about the men who started off wonderful and then buggered off. But OP has no idea what this bloke will be like, she hardly knows him herself.

Interesting many posters always tell women to be careful when introducing a new partner to her existing children, but it seems any old sperm donor will do to create a child.

Yes and if you have any grasp on statistics you’ll know usually these are the more impoverished children to begin with. As I stated if the child is middle class their educational outcome is equal to their peers studies show this. If you’re going to compare it’s hardly fair comparing op who owns her own home and on a decent salary to some parent living in poverty, with low aspirations and low levels of their own attainment.

Do you people think you’re above single mothers because you’ve got some “man”? He could be a thick, have no money, have no real aspirations for the child either and not necessarily the type to ferry them about for hobbies and you think that’s better than a professional women with her own house and money doing all these things?

No wonder some women settle for so little, they shouldn’t and be honest many of the judgy posters will not have wonderful men, they’ve just got a man.

Really unpleasant prejudice against single mothers on this thread.
So much for solidarity mumsnetters.