Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

It's really taking the piss to hop on a plane with four kids when actual hardworking taxpayers can't afford a break.

She’s working, with 4 kids in tow she’ll certainly be working hard and she’ll be paying taxes in one form or another. No pisstake to prioritise holidays out of her budget.

Nonsense. Self-sufficiency should be the goal. If she has "extra" money it should be set aside for future needs or emergencies.

Little children of that age don't know whether they are in Greece or in the nearby soft play, come on. It's really taking the piss to hop on a plane with four kids when actual hardworking taxpayers can't afford a break.

No, it isn’t. All children deserve a holiday if their parents can budget for it, wherever that budget comes from.

It's really scurvy to go on holidays on the taxpayer dole when the people actually paying taxes can't afford to. Take the kids to the local park for free.

what vile rubbish you're spouting. If you think your husband would never have an affair, think again. A look on the relationships forum will tell you it happens multiple times a day, to women who look just like you.

she is maintaining her career and earning power by working part time.

she had kids in a long term relationship. There is no indication whatsoever that she was smug about divorce not happening to her. I think you need to look in the mirror on that one.

She works. She claims the benefits she is entitled to. She can go on holiday.

A 'next crisis' is not inevitable.

Your last point is hilarious. Yes, she should find herself a single mum who works opposite hours to her, give up her secure council tenancy, and try some kind of communal living. She is resourceful and diligent when she turns up to work and her children get to school on time, clean and well fed (nothing indicates otherwise, does it?). She is not on the dole. She works.

I just can't imagine having a friend... and thinking to myself:

'I'd feel better if your life was a bit harder, if you had less money than me'.

What a strange and unpleasant thing to think.

OP's friend is not a taker though. She works, is a single mum to 4 children. The benefit system is setup for people like her.
And there is a vast gulf between "takers" and net contributors. Unless you earn over £40k, you are taking more than you put in.

The ‘friend’ is experiencing hard times due to the fact that her husband has disappeared leaving her to raise 4 DC under 6. She is providing them with a valuable lesson in independence. She could live purely on benefits whilst the state pay out for dependant DC but is thinking of the long term. So she is continuing her career so she can move to f/t when able. She is absolutely a role model for state support when needed in order to achieve independence.

What do you think she is doing wrong? Should the state not support the ‘deserving’ to help achieve independence?

If you want to start a benefit bashing thread you should really focus on the ‘undeserving’ as they are a much easier target. Hard working abandoned mother of 4 under 6 is too far a reach for all but the most bigoted.

It does matter. Too many takers and not enough net contributors means you eventually run out of other people’s money.

An easy daily mail article probably.

No it isn't. Get yourself knocked up love and live the high life 😂

Might be biologically impossible for a 🤖. though.

@ArlJudey are you really her friend? You are letting people rip to her shreds on here, and you don't seem to be defending her at all.
What was your motive for this thread?

Think about the alternative though - the only way to 'deter' people from having kids is to use the kids who already exist as an example by making their lives harder through making their parents finances tighter. Totally unethical and would lead to long lasting, expensive social problems which is well evidenced.

And even if you did reduce benefits to try and stop people procreating, there will still be vulnerable or less resilient people who will continue having kids and making ill-informed choices as well as those who are genuinely caught into crappy circumstances that couldn't have been foreseen.

In ops friends case she made an informed decision with the information she had at the time to marry her husband who she loved and for all we know was a good partner at least initially, while being educated and working full time and presumably quite able to afford 4 children - to have that number. This is something we ALL do when planning kids - if everyone only had children if they knew for absolute certainty they wouldn't be left unable to pay for those children through widowhood or illness or an accident (which could happen to any of us) noone would have any children and the human race would die out. Same as people buying a house thinking they can afford it before being hit by a global pandemic and losing their jobs in a recession. You can't plan for every eventuality.

OP, it sounds as though your friend has had a rough couple of years and is trying to make the most of the resources that she has.

Rather than begrudging her for that, perhaps you could think about the tweaks you could make in your own life to make things better. I would ask your friend re. budget holiday tips, getting bargains on Vinted, making Christmas special on a shoestring etc if you feel these things could make a difference to your situation.

Yes, nobody said otherwise.

Working full time is difficult too you know.

Sounds like she has a difficult life and is giving her children the best life she can

you don’t sound like much of a friend

@Maybethisallthereis "The system doesn’t deter people from having kids or encourage them to work!" The UC two-child benefit cap exists for a reason - to discourage people from having more than two children! 🙄

But does everyone " pay back" for their kids births , medical care , education etc. That I doubt

The system doesn’t deter people from having kids or encourage them to work!

My BIL has three kids, one of which he never paid for… he’s now 15 and he owes so much that it isn’t worth him working. He just claims benefits whilst his wife works a few hours a week. Cushty eh!

Especially in Scotland where we’re paying 40% from around £43k which is a normal salary for a degree profession.

Does this matter though? We don't allocate benefits based on repayability which is why they are benefits not loans. So whatever ops friend contributes or doesn't is a moot point. And begrudging money that all children receive in the area that helps eliminate child poverty is crazy given that poverty leads to a myriad of other social issues which are expensive to solve and therefore this early intervention benefits everyone. It is in all our best interests to have a decent benefits system that is actually liveable for people who need it like ops friend.

At some point in the medium term future she will likely start working full time and will continue to until she’s 67 or so paying 20% (or even 40%) income tax. It’s not that much of a stretch.

This. My partner left me not long after I had returned to work part time. I still managed 2 holidays that year cheap easyjet flights, self catering and a lidl shop in Spain. We also did a sun £9.50 weekend in a caravan. Clothes were from charity shop or vinted and I went to free or low cost toddler groups including a toy library. I couldn't have done it without careful budgeting and planning some people have never had to and the concept is alien to them

That is a bit of a stretch. I am not convinced that the friend will earn enough to completely pay back what she has received in benefits. It is also like that she will be recieving quite a bit until the youngest is 18. We don't know what OP earns either.