Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

So I say this as someone who grew up in poverty with a single parent, in council house etc. We never had a family holiday. Ever. System is broke if you afford a holiday abroad every year. That isn’t what taxpayer support is for.

that being said everyone manages budgets differently. Maybe she never eats out always cooks from scratch. No debt you said, buys vintedcloths not designer wear. No car. Doesn’t smoke or drink? Choices.

I have been poor and even as an adult unemployed. I NEVER want the stress of low income and fear of not paying bills.

That poster is so out of touch with reality, they don't even know what benefits are for or what they are actually called.

But people on benefits are not living within their OWN means, they are living on handouts. In other words, they are living on the means of hardworking contributors.

Living within what one earns, not what one receives as a handout, is the goal. It's laughable to say one is "good at budgeting" the money that is taken from otehrs and handed to one. Who wouldn't be??

She isn't "on the dole" she works

I do live within my means and as a full time working tax payer I claim what I am legally entitled to....I am fortune enough to be mortgage free and as I said previously,I am great at budgeting hence being able to prioritise nice holidays.

The fact that you think a part-time job is to "supplement benefits" says it all.

Plus it's about allowing people to live with dignity. Which is so basic.

'When I wanted more spending power I simply spent more money to retrain'

If you don't have the Income/support network/ the local resources or infrastructure/ affordable housing or childcare then retraining is a pie in the sky idea.

Presumably when you retrained someone supported you to do so? I'd also guess that if you're 65 now that the cost of education then was nowhere near what it is now.

Most people on benefits are living within their means. If they cut back in some areas, or are good at budgeting, then they can afford some luxuries and they deserve them.

"Investing in real estate" rather than seeing as house as a home has led to the cost of housing shooting up. Which has led to private renters being forced to claim the housing element of UC, many of whom wouldn't have had to claim at all if their rent wasn't so high. From the taxpayer. Which funnels straight into the pocket of landlords."

This is also one of the key reasons behind the social housing crisis because former social housing has been turned into private rentals and social housing providers are now under increasing pressure to purchase properties at market value which has been inflated so much due to private landlord competition. And there's so much greed. Where I live 5 years ago pre covid a 2 bed terrace in a not particularly nice area would have gone for £450 a month. The same house now is on the market for £1000 a month. This makes it near on impossible for young people who are living independently to save because wages are being eaten by rent meaning they can't get onto the property ladder, they can't access social housing as easily and the landlords have the monopoly and continue increasing rent just because they can. Thus making the rich richer and the poor poorer all the while blaming people for needing to rely on benefits.

Why shouldn't people live within their means?

When I wanted more spending power I retrained and qualified for higher-paying jobs.

What do you mean?

The Op's friend has a degree, and works part-time in her related industry.
When her DCs are older, she is planning to go full-time.

Why would she only be getting the basic state pension?

Edited to correct spelling error.

As someone who does budgeting work for vulnerable adults and single parents most of whom are solely on benefits this is actually laughable. Very often I even struggle to make ends meet for them unless they've a job coming in to supplement their benefits. Often there is no room left over for new clothes and other essentials. If someone is doing well enough on benefits to be able to afford a yearly holiday, pay their bills and afford Christmas then they are budgeting well. Because that's what op is judging this woman on - one holiday a year, being able to get her kids Christmas presents and not moaning about it and keep food on her table. And to me it's really ironic that the housing crisis and inflated COL is a huge contributing factor to why people are struggling and yet posters like @theherboriste are still happy to defend private landlords and the owning of multiple homes while people are forced out of areas they have family in due to inflated rental costs, and have to pay more in childcare as a result which funnily enough is one of the key factors that puts women out of the work force particularly in a full time capacity. Doing well through hard work is one thing but let's be honest - the woman in ops post has put in the hard work. She's put herself through education and got a good job. SHE did everything she was supposed to. And she was let down badly by someone else who did not do his part. The consequences here should be for the feckless father to hold him accountable to make it less easy for men to cut and run from the kids they should be paying for.

"Most of you have no clue about the sort of hard work it takes to become financially comfortable in middle age; so many expect the lifestyle of an established older adult who's worked all of their lives, with zero dues-paying, zero patience and extremely low effort."

I'm sorry but this is utter BS. Firstly- 'most of us' - you have no idea who other posters are. I've been working at least one job since I was 16, up until I had ds I worked two jobs not because I needed to but because I wanted to have the savings and the career development that having two jobs meant. I put myself through two degrees and a masters. I'm sure plenty of people here know about hard work. I would also suggest that the difference in property prices now to say 20 years ago is a massive difference and wages have not risen accordingly, people are also more likely to have benefitted from generational wealth via inheritance by middle age than younger people are for obvious reasons.

The bit this misses is that if you are well secure by middle age you have also been extremely LUCKY. Hard work is only part of it and if you can't see that then you don't know your own privilege and it's pointless arguing.

You do understand how 'means tested benefits' work ? If ones income is under a certain threshold then they are ad entitled claim as the next person ...

People often pay in installments for their holidays.

I bet they will have their hand out when it comes to claiming their state pension.

Some people and their ivory towers, hope you don't fall off.

That is not her problem, is it. Poor wages are not the fault of people claiming benefits. If your wages are shit, then you should be on UC as a top up anyway. If you have a big mortgage eating up your salary, so you can't afford holidays then, that is also not the fault of people on benefits.
She doesn't have kids that live with her, doesn't drive, doesn't have debts. So her living costs are low anyway.

Absolute bollocks. I’ve never even been entitled to child benefit, as I earned too much when I had my children. I still don’t begrudge people like the OP’s ‘friend’ (in inverted commas because the OP certainly isn’t being very friendly!) claiming benefits while working 15 hours a week and single handedly raising 4 young children.

Funny that. People not on benefits and paying their own way, despite being good at budgeting, can’t often afford those luxuries. But somehow benefits seem to be able to provide everything working people not on benefits can’t have.

I know a few people on benefits who are absolutely amazing with budgeting (not me, I might add). One uses Freegle for pretty much everything. She even managed to get a working 64inch TV on there. She very rarely buys anything new at all. She spends a lot of time finding the best deals for her groceries too.

Then the money she has saved goes on things like day trips and gigs, which bring her joy. Fair play to her I say.
But then people see her do those things and think she is somehow abusing the benefits system. She is not... she is just really fucking good at budgeting and finding deals.

You will be most certainly not be welcome in these quarters then.

MN crowd’s default position is that anyone on benefits good, everyone else bad. The less you do for yourself, the higher your salt of earth content.

Thats why this country is basically no more than a creaking mess. There is 0 value attached to taking responsibility for yourself.

Why not give it a go, if it's so attractive?

So despite me working full time in the public sector i shouldn't be allowed anything but survival rations ? If the government paid me a higher salary then I wouldn't need to claim from the erm.. government !