Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

You do realise that many,many people who receive benefits do actually work full time ?

And 40% of people claiming UC are ALSO WORKING, but their earnings are so low they need to claim some UC to live. We seem to have a situation where the welfare state is subsidising employers' wage bills, which also isn't right. How can it be that the wealth gap between the 1% and the 99% has become an absolute chasm? And why is it that some people are always inclined to punch down, rather than up?

I can see where you are coming from op, evan if some people commenting on here cant. I agree with you, if someone recieving benefits can afford a holiday abroad every year, and someone who works full time cant, then they dont need the benefits. I know I will get slated for this.

As for those saying bringing kids up on your own is hard, yes I am not disputing that, but that does not mean they deserve more more money than 2 working parents, or evan 1 working parent. All kids need the same financial support. Sometimes being in a relationship dosent make it easier, despite what a lot of single women seem to think. It could be an abusive relationship, or 1 parent might not pull their weight financally or emotionally. 1 partner might be lazy or might be cheating. People just see a couple bringing up a child/children and assume they are better off.

She was happily married, and her spouse was in a good job. They could afford their children. Or are you saying no one should have kids in case their spouse leaves them?

OP said her friend has gone through an awful time with it all. But you come on here with your assumptions about her choice of men, her savings, her intentions etc. And you speak from such a place of privilege you don't even know much about the benefit system or the properly terminology for it.

I think you are on the wind up. No one can be this tone deaf.

There are 10 million people of working age on benefits. Over 5 million claiming disability benefits.

Which doesn’t leave a lot working age mugs who are paying for this circus of a system.

Anyone who cannot see that this is a problem or insists that this is ok and defends this is not very smart. Don’t worry folks, keep going, the number of mugs paying for this are leaving the country in their tens of thousands each year. Soon you’ll be wondering what happened to the freebies. This country is in serious trouble, given the entitled attitude of so many who have 0 understanding that if you continue borrowing and printing money to give out handouts, eventually you run out of money.

I call having more kids than one can afford to rear a self-created situation, not involuntary misfortune. And I doubt Mr. Wonderful was a perfect prince before he did a 180 character change and ran away. Would love to ask her family for their take.

Responsible people accumulate savings and emergency funds BEFORE they procreate. They don't wing it willy-nilly and expect the taxpayer to be their backup.

Stop ascribing prudent planning, responsiblity, delayed gratification and living within one's means to "luck."

Or, as the old expression goes, "I find that the harder I work the luckier I get." Some people might want to reflect on that.

Which means you need to be in the position to make savings in the first place. Which is much harder if you're paying for childcare or high rental costs. I can't understand why you can't see how this all works in a circle.

"We aren't talking about disabled people here" in my post which you responded to I clearly said vulnerable adults.

In fact this is an excellent point - we have no idea WHAT benefits ops friend gets - perhaps she is on disability benefits and works as much as is manageable. We really have no idea given that it's not really any of our business and even people in receipt of benefits are not obligated to share their medical history with Joe public just so we can decide how harshly to judge them.

Yes, but if everyone in low paying but essential roles retrained who'd be left to wipe your bottom in hospital or stack the shelves in waitrose? How do you think schools would run ? The local council ? Every school,every hospital,every public sector service has people working full time in essential roles that pay low enough wages for them to be entitled to Extra government help ...

I am pretty sure that the father of your kids divorcing you, leaving the country, and not paying anything towards his own children, comes under involuntary misfortune.
But you seem to think that OPs friend brought this on herself. I hope she still has the receipt for her crystal ball as it was clearly faulty.

And she has a small child and does not have to work at all under UC rules. She is actually doing more than she needs to... probably to maintain her career, so she can earn better once her youngest is at school. She is already planning her future well.

No, I used my SAVINGS to live on while I retrained, and worked throughout, so that I emerged with no debt. It can be done if one is prudent and responsible.

We aren't talking about disabled people here. I have often and loudly said that people who experience involuntary misfortune (rather than the consequences of personal choices) should of course be receiving assistance.

The idea that for able people, a job is just to "supplement" benefits, is repugnant.

You know that thousands of people on benefits are also working? And are therefore hardworking contributors, such as you seem to admire. I teach full time - I was entitled to tax credits for years. When I first started, my salary was a little more than my childcare bill. I mean, we’d have been on the streets without tax credits. Ironic, really, when you consider it was the Government paying my salary.

Gusto for a family of 5 costs about 60 quid a week, if she is doing that on top of all the other grocery shopping you need to supplement it, she needs to become a budgeting guru.

This is the problem though - so many jobs now even if people did look at retraining are no longer lucrative enough to compete with rising living costs. In my sector I'm highly specialised in my role and one step below ceo level but my sector is general is really underpaid and chronically under funded so I still am entitled to help with childcare (thank goodness or I wouldn't be able to afford that plus rent). I looked at retraining but I'd be spending my savings to retrain into a new sector that would actually mean taking a paycut to start from the bottom again which financially isn't feasible as a one person household. I'm still better paid than many other reputable professions that would previously have been seen as 'good' careers.

The irony is that the government pays me such a low salary for working full time that I'm entitled to UC.Would make much more sense to cut out the middle man and just pay people decent wages so they don't have to rely on top ups.

OP's friend has a small child not yet in school, and she does work 15 hours a week. Kid is under 3, and you are not expected to find work at all at that age. OP's friend is already ahead if she is working the hours she already does. She doesn't actually need to.

But the minimum hours are 30 hours a week when your child starts school, 35 when they move to secondary. Which is a full time job, no?

I can see why people get annoyed- UC is far more generous than tax credits ever was. I work in this field and most are better off on UC. Also, it’s possible for single parents to work the minimum house and get a very decent top up. UC can definitely top some wages when you take into account childcare etc.
but
One day kids grow up and a life spent avoiding work catches up. This can be really hard and I’ve seen some women really struggle with having to pay rent and for their lifestyle with no government help.. especially when the kids drop out or leave college. Honestly, living off UC can be very disempowering and can prevent people from professing or building any kind of independent life. It’s called the benefits trap for a reason.

I won’t lie. I’m a single parent who works full time in a challenging job with two children who are in paid childcare… and I know there are some parents who aren’t working, who aren’t paying for the hours I do, or the same amount for school meals, or their rent etc etc… and on those really tough days I think “what am I doing it all for?!”

I try and think bigger picture. I want my children to grow up knowing that hard work pays off. Yes I have to pay a mortgage but one day this home will be theirs to inherit. Whilst social housing is very secure, more recent tenancies may mean that when the children grow up and move out, pressure will be on to downsize.

I also want to in-still into my children how important it is to work hard. Some parents genuinely cannot work due to health/care commitments, but for the small minority who are choosing not to work… I believe I am setting a better example for my children. So long as our bills are paid, nobody can dictate to me where we live.

And honestly, the reality of being on benefits and not having structure to your day, would get very boring, very quickly.

I work extremely hard ! Are you suggesting that the hundreds and 1000s of health care workers,sales staff,childcare workers and public sector support workers that help keep the country running somehow don't deserve more than survival rations just because these essential roles pay minimum wage ?

So if you worked full time and were entitled to claim child benefit for any kids you had who were in education - you'd just say no thanks? You never received child benefit/ free milk for your kids in school etc? Always chose to pay privately for your healthcare never relying on the NHS for your kids dental treatment etc?

Or would you take what you're entitled to and include it in your budgeting?

I strongly suggest the latter.

For some vulnerable people benefits will always be their primary source of income due to illness or disability like I said so yes part time work will supplement their benefits especially if its difficult for them to sustain employment or get enough hours of employment to earn more than they would on benefits. If you can't understand how that might be necessary for people with disabilities then I think that says it all actually.

Will you be claiming the state pension?