Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

Maybe financially she’s not doing too badly due to the various benefit top ups etc. I do kind of get that it stings a bit to have less coming in working full time than someone working part time.

But does anyone genuinely want to be a single mother to 4 young children, with no help. I honestly can’t think of much worse personally!

Presumably you could drop to 15 hours per week and have another 2 kids and you’d be getting the same money as her? I’m not sure you would actually want to do that though!

That's right.

Should have terminated those pregnancies!

Women's rights seem to have died a death since last week.

I know. The father had four children then buggered off abroad leaving a woman to bring up four children alone. It's despicable.

I'm currently rethinking this 'politeness.' Not talking about money, as employees and women too, leaves us blind to what's normal, where we're getting ripped off etc. I think knowledge is power. I've recently started investing in stocks and shares (very modestly) and am beginning to realise that a lot of people have been gatekeeping this as an option for ordinary people like me. I happily chat to women friends about it. Why wouldn't I share what I have learned? It's also powerful to understand how other women protect themselves financially. For example, sahms having a private pension, or seperate as well as joint accounts. The idea that discussing finances is vulgar kept me pretty poor when I was younger. It shouldn't be taboo.
Sorry- detracted from the original post.

4 children (and I’d be surprised if not at least one ND)
on her own
working 15 hours in no doubt an unskilled minimum wage job
3 bed council house for - 5 bed family

if you’re jealous of this… then I feel sorry for you op

@Keirawr

We mustn't hold men accountable must we?
Let's make sure that those kids with a working mother have a shit life and get all the the flack and judgement that goes with coming from a single parent family.

Quite. God forbid anyone on here should actually pay for themselves or their choices….

Agree. What an outdated opinion. Embarrassing

Getting them through an airport, not going to...

But yeah twins - what a lifestyle choice. Being single too. To what I can understand is one father.

Pop your rolling eyes back in.

You’ve come to the wrong place OP, if you’re looking for a bunch of like minded people who believe in paying your own way and not living off the taxpayer all your life.

According to people on here, there is no such thing people abusing the benefits system. You’ll always get blind defence of of it here. It makes you wonder if the French defenders are at it themselves.

So what's stopping you leaving your job and joining her on benefits?

It’s a life choice. Going to the airport. 🙄Good grief.

I used to have a lot of people ask me how I could go on holiday when I was on benefits so I told them. I lived very frugally, walked everywhere, bought only short dated meat to freeze, foraged in season, meal prepped, etc... and how I chose holidays based on what I could afford, not where I would like to go. Every single person said they couldn't/wouldn't live like that.

I couldn't imagine taking 4 kids anywhere and feeling like I've 'lucked out' let alone getting them to and through an airport.

It's really nobody's business.

Maybe she gets child maintenance for all 4.

Maybe this post isn't entirely factual.

Who knows?
Beaky.

Single working Mum of 4 dc, and you're jealous?

Have another 2 kids and cut your hours then. You can have her life too.

It sounds like your friend has a good work life balance. So I can see why you'd envy that I guess.
Are you entitled to any benefits? You'd have to be earning quite well not to be entitled to anything as a single income family with kids.
If I was you, I'd spend some quality time with a benefits calculator. Put in a few different combinations of wages and childcare costs and see what you come up with.
If you really envy your friends lifestyle why don't you see if it's possible for you?

You think she should be working full time with 4 children under 6 as a lone parent just so she doesn't claim UC?

Im a lone parent of 3, I'm a nurse who works full time (my kids are older then hers) and I still receive UC. I can assure you, life isn't a picnic even if I'm not on the bones of my arse financially 🤣

If her life's good enough to envy then do the same. I guarantee you would be whinging on MN within a month.

The ones that never seem to luck out, or even get anywhere near what they're worth, are the ones most entitled to tax payers' money, IMO, and that's carers of people (usually mothers) with moderate to severe disabilities.

It's a frustrating system for sure, but being frustrated isn't going to change it, unfortunately. You need to put it tp one side somewhat and focus on what you're doing and the benefits of that.

Being a lone parent of 4 young children is nothing to envy. It's hard work.

MN seems to want to deny this happens, but it does, quite often. People know how to play the system. But, what do they actually have at the end of it? The children are grown and gone, those benefit stop and then what?

Anyone resenting those on benefits needs to take a long hard look at themselves and their lives. Because that shit isn't normal.

Exactly that. She's living on borrowed time.

I do understand that it's horrible when you're working hard and seeing others who aren't but still ganing. It's a long game, though, OP.

It’s not an attitude. It’s envy. She’s not jealous. She’s envious.

Some people do luck out on benefits. I know some that do, some that don’t. It is what it is, but let’s not pretend that some don’t do well.