Page 2 | Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

ArlJudey · 2025-04-27T17:20:16+00:00

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc. Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc. AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure. I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

XenoBitch · 30/04/2025 19:22

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 19:19

It doesn't take thousands. Income protection for someone in their 30s is less than £50 a month.. And less for life insurance. Can't afford £100 a month for risk management, can't afford the kids. Simple.

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There is no insurance scheme that protects against the fall out of divorce... or a scheme that exists in case an absent father refuses to pay for his own kids.

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 19:19

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 11:46

And if they don't have thousands space to prepare for such eventualities?

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It doesn't take thousands. Income protection for someone in their 30s is less than £50 a month.. And less for life insurance. Can't afford £100 a month for risk management, can't afford the kids. Simple.

Dillydollydingdong · 30/04/2025 19:15

So it's a woman with 4 young kids, no family to help, rather her than me! And if she's got her benefits organised to look after that lot, more power to her elbow! And when her youngest is in school, he'll still need caring for! You're just jealous OP. Don't be! She's probably jealous of you with only 2 kids and a full time job/career!

IVFmumoftwo · 30/04/2025 19:05

OutcomeAdmin · 30/04/2025 18:55

That poster is childfree I believe. And has quite strong views on children in general.. It may explain some of their opinions here.

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Probably man free too. 😂

OutcomeAdmin · 30/04/2025 18:55

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 11:46

And if they don't have thousands space to prepare for such eventualities?

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That poster is childfree I believe. And has quite strong views on children in general.. It may explain some of their opinions here.

Lavender14 · 30/04/2025 12:57

@theherboriste your choice of language in your posts is telling.

"Mating" "selecting a mate" "producing offspring" it's all very dehumanising. It really shows that you think of certain people as less than. Comparable to animals. Undeserving of dignity.

It's callous and deeply unpleasant really.

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/04/2025 12:44

FFS still going on 😃

crackofdoom · 30/04/2025 12:43

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 11:46

And if they don't have thousands space to prepare for such eventualities?

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Then they should all be sterilised and marched off to labour camps to repay their debt to society, evidently .

Keep them away from the proper people , for God's sake.

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 11:46

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 09:13

They should. Taxpayer funded benefits are a survival mechanism, not a lifestyle subsidy.
I don’t want to live solely on benefits if I become disabled; that’s why I have savings and income protection.

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And if they don't have thousands space to prepare for such eventualities?

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/04/2025 11:08

I don’t want to live solely on benefits if I become disabled; that’s why I have savings and income protection.

And if you’re disabled from birth, have no opportunity to work and build savings? Or your savings run out because the cost of care burns through them?

SapphireSeptember · 30/04/2025 10:05

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 23:38

Like I said, prudence in selecting a mate is crucial.

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Yeah, because I should have known he'd become an absolute arse after we got married! Silly me, I thought eight years together was enough time to get to know each other. 🙄

Thelnebriati · 30/04/2025 09:46

The hand life deals you is the luck of the draw. Crowing at people who are worse off than you doesn't make you the better person.

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 09:13

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 08:58

Hmm that's not what you are portraying . You stated people should plan for such events,

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They should. Taxpayer funded benefits are a survival mechanism, not a lifestyle subsidy.
I don’t want to live solely on benefits if I become disabled; that’s why I have savings and income protection.

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 08:58

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 23:39

I have repeatedly stated that victims of involuntary misfortune like illness deserve society’s assistance. Keep up.

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Hmm that's not what you are portraying . You stated people should plan for such events,

Adrinaxo · 30/04/2025 08:55

Well hopefully there's not a time you need to use the system

BlueandWhitePorcelain · 30/04/2025 08:19

Keirawr · 30/04/2025 06:27

Yeah it’s easy to be a ‘good mum’ when other people are paying for it.

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That is what society is for - to provide a safety net to it’s members, in time of need!

I can’t imagine who in our society would leave 4 children to starve, because they’ve been abandoned by their father?

Keirawr · 30/04/2025 06:27

Adrinaxo · 29/04/2025 20:22

She's a good mum. That's what she is and she's doing her best for her kids by the sounds of it.

Yeah it’s easy to be a ‘good mum’ when other people are paying for it.

DreamTheMoors · 30/04/2025 03:29

They’re in the process of taking healthcare and food away from poor people here in the US who are already struggling.
Why? Because billionaires need another tax break, of course.
Housing here sucks at the best of times.
I’m guessing you’d like your friend to be in that position.
Frenemy?

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/04/2025 01:36

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 23:38

Like I said, prudence in selecting a mate is crucial.

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How long have you been in your relationship?

XenoBitch · 29/04/2025 23:43

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 23:38

Like I said, prudence in selecting a mate is crucial.

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I hope your crystal ball works for you.

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 23:39

FedupofArsenalgame · 29/04/2025 22:17

You are such a bloody delight aren't you. ? So only the " upwardly mobile" should have kids now then? How does in work in my relative s case then? She's 33. So had some savings etc Been married for 9 years. Works full time.when not on maternity leave. Husband was freelance but difficult to keep contracts when I'll from cancer treatment. But there is a thing called paying to live. And lately it's become more expensive

I noticed that you didn't answer the question on whether my relative should've had an abortion so we wouldn't need maternity leave and no be earning while husband was ill

I have repeatedly stated that victims of involuntary misfortune like illness deserve society’s assistance. Keep up.

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 23:38

SapphireSeptember · 29/04/2025 23:06

I'm 36, didn't fancy waiting much longer to have a child, and my pregnancy was high risk enough as it was at 35 when I had DS (I had pre eclampsia.) If I'd have waited much longer I might not have been able to have a child at all as women's fertility declines rapidly after 35. Is that delaying gratification enough for you? 🙄

I also spent 12 years (met him at 18, left him at 30) with an absolute joke of a man. I married him after we'd been together for eight years and then realised there was no way on earth I was going to have children with him.

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Like I said, prudence in selecting a mate is crucial.

Totallytoti · 29/04/2025 23:28

Morningup · 27/04/2025 18:25

Bloody hell, I read her life and I think…. No thank you sounds bloomin awful to me

Same, I pity this woman! Single mother to 4, FOUR young children. Sounds like utter hell to me.

SapphireSeptember · 29/04/2025 23:06

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 22:08

Not the preserve of the wealthy, but the preserve of people at any socioeconomic level who plan, save, delay gratification and show some decent level of prudence in not mating with useless assholes.

If someone really wants to be a parent, they have 12 years between school and age 30 to properly set themselves up for parenthood. Job, education , partner, savings. If they can’t demonstrate moderate competence and upward mobility in TWELVE years, why would we want them producing offspring?

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I'm 36, didn't fancy waiting much longer to have a child, and my pregnancy was high risk enough as it was at 35 when I had DS (I had pre eclampsia.) If I'd have waited much longer I might not have been able to have a child at all as women's fertility declines rapidly after 35. Is that delaying gratification enough for you? 🙄

I also spent 12 years (met him at 18, left him at 30) with an absolute joke of a man. I married him after we'd been together for eight years and then realised there was no way on earth I was going to have children with him.

Pickledpoppetpickle · 29/04/2025 22:52

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 22:08

Not the preserve of the wealthy, but the preserve of people at any socioeconomic level who plan, save, delay gratification and show some decent level of prudence in not mating with useless assholes.

If someone really wants to be a parent, they have 12 years between school and age 30 to properly set themselves up for parenthood. Job, education , partner, savings. If they can’t demonstrate moderate competence and upward mobility in TWELVE years, why would we want them producing offspring?

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Who put you in charge of the time it takes to set yourself up in life? What if people follow a different timeline?

How are people supposed to know how a relationship might pan out 10, 15 or 20 years down the line?

define what you consider to be ‘delayed gratification’ and explain why your definition matters above all others

how much is enough when it comes to savings? 6 months living costs or 6 years? What happens if you need to spend it due to ill health. Do you put your child in care whilst you build your savings back up?

Define ‘upward mobility’. Why do you consider a ‘good parent’ must strive ‘upwards’?