Page 19 | Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

ArlJudey · 2025-04-27T17:20:16+00:00

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc. Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc. AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure. I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/04/2025 19:21

Do you rent OP? Do you get any UC? It’s such a waste of energy to be jealous of someone else’s money and how they get it. Focus on your own life and happiness, or leave this woman to her own life without your judgement

Morningup · 27/04/2025 19:20

Keirawr · 27/04/2025 18:48

You’ve come to the wrong place OP, if you’re looking for a bunch of like minded people who believe in paying your own way and not living off the taxpayer all your life.

According to people on here, there is no such thing people abusing the benefits system. You’ll always get blind defence of of it here. It makes you wonder if the French defenders are at it themselves.

The majority of us rather just think the life of the OP’s friend sounds FAR from a life we would envy

Dairymilkisminging · 27/04/2025 19:18

Shed be getting money for 3 kids due to the twins. She'll be able to claim the Scottish child payment for all. And child benefits for all. Roughly 1584 so depending on her wages it's not much for a family of five that amount will go down too depending what uc takes off for wages. (Not including housing)

Morningup · 27/04/2025 19:15

LillyPJ · 27/04/2025 18:59

I think it's a shame we're not more open about finances in this country and it's nothing to do with manners. If we'd been more open, maybe the dreadful wage inequalities that are causing Birmingham Council so much trouble now wouldn't have happened in the first place and women employees would be treated better. If we were more open, perhaps people would have a better understanding of how to manage their money, what compound interest is, the importance of budgeting etc.

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Go on then @LillyPJ
what are your financial circa?!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/04/2025 19:14

Keirawr · 27/04/2025 18:48

You’ve come to the wrong place OP, if you’re looking for a bunch of like minded people who believe in paying your own way and not living off the taxpayer all your life.

According to people on here, there is no such thing people abusing the benefits system. You’ll always get blind defence of of it here. It makes you wonder if the French defenders are at it themselves.

That’s what I always wonder, too.

I’m one of those who has known capable, perfectly able-bodied people who simply chose not to work.

Praying4Peace · 27/04/2025 19:14

Neetra30 · 27/04/2025 18:32

You are not being unreasonable.
I would somewhat feel the same.

Me too.
Situation is not that unusual

crackofdoom · 27/04/2025 19:14

ArlJudey · 27/04/2025 18:39

It just doesn’t feel like it, her youngest is 2, eldest 6 (twins in between) so it’s not like the benefits will go anywhere anytime soon. She has a degree, is still working in her field so when her youngest is in school she will be able to find full time work and progress easily, I don’t see it like she’s on borrowed time at all.

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You are envious of a single mum with a 2 year old, 4 year old twins and a 6 year old?!

Oh, and she's working, too?

I am full of admiration for someone coping with all that and not going insane tbh.

SomersetBrie · 27/04/2025 19:13

ArlJudey · 27/04/2025 18:39

It just doesn’t feel like it, her youngest is 2, eldest 6 (twins in between) so it’s not like the benefits will go anywhere anytime soon. She has a degree, is still working in her field so when her youngest is in school she will be able to find full time work and progress easily, I don’t see it like she’s on borrowed time at all.

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There is not enough money in the world for me to take 4 children under 7 to Egypt for a week!
What must your life be like that you actually want this.

MonsteraDelicious · 27/04/2025 19:12

ArlJudey · 27/04/2025 18:39

It just doesn’t feel like it, her youngest is 2, eldest 6 (twins in between) so it’s not like the benefits will go anywhere anytime soon. She has a degree, is still working in her field so when her youngest is in school she will be able to find full time work and progress easily, I don’t see it like she’s on borrowed time at all.

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I'm not sure what she's doing wrong? It would be very hard to work full time as a single parent with 4 kids 6 and under so if she can make it work then thank goodness for that. Keeping on working part time and staying in her industry sounds sensible.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 27/04/2025 19:09

FedupofArsenalgame · 27/04/2025 18:55

Thought u could only get universal credit for 2 kids

She'll qualify for 3 due to the twins

BernardButlersBra · 27/04/2025 19:08

@Stressfordays no one made her have 4 children though. There's a thing called contraception.

The gravy train won't last forever. Isn't there a 2 children benefits cap in Scotland, like there is in England?

RedHelenB · 27/04/2025 19:06

ChickenBananas · 27/04/2025 18:22

Quit and sign on then?

This

Maitri108 · 27/04/2025 19:03

LillyPJ · 27/04/2025 18:59

I think it's a shame we're not more open about finances in this country and it's nothing to do with manners. If we'd been more open, maybe the dreadful wage inequalities that are causing Birmingham Council so much trouble now wouldn't have happened in the first place and women employees would be treated better. If we were more open, perhaps people would have a better understanding of how to manage their money, what compound interest is, the importance of budgeting etc.

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I'm the opposite but it's my upbringing. I was brought up to believe that how much money people have is personal and not my business.

I'm not sure how knowing the exact financial details of someone on benefits has anything to do with Birmingham council.

Nor do I understand how you knowing my financial circumstances teaches anyone about compound interest or the importance of budgeting.

TooBigForMyBoots · 27/04/2025 19:03

BethDuttonYeHaw · 27/04/2025 19:00

You aren’t really her friend.

This @ArlJudey.

Your friend's partner has not long left her, a single mother of 4 children and you're feeling resentment towards her? Give your head a wobble.

GustyBaloo · 27/04/2025 19:01

Well, OP lit the fuse and off you all pop, bursting blood vessels.

It doesn't take much. It's quite amusing.

I reiterate the use of the term 'my friend'. ----

BethDuttonYeHaw · 27/04/2025 19:00

You aren’t really her friend.

LillyPJ · 27/04/2025 18:59

Maitri108 · 27/04/2025 18:34

I'm surprised that people are so open about their finances. I was brought up not to discuss money but I guess manners are out the window. Now you have your 'friends' who know every last penny you have, criticising you on public forums.

I think it's a shame we're not more open about finances in this country and it's nothing to do with manners. If we'd been more open, maybe the dreadful wage inequalities that are causing Birmingham Council so much trouble now wouldn't have happened in the first place and women employees would be treated better. If we were more open, perhaps people would have a better understanding of how to manage their money, what compound interest is, the importance of budgeting etc.

gamerchick · 27/04/2025 18:58

Thing is her income isn't secure and isn't long term OP. One day her kids will be up and shell have no choice but to up her hours and she might struggle with that.

Anyone who is jealous can go down the same path. There's nothing stopping you.

Allthetimeintheworld25 · 27/04/2025 18:58

Maitri108 · 27/04/2025 18:53

I know. The father had four children then buggered off abroad leaving a woman to bring up four children alone. It's despicable.

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Yes, that is absolutely disgraceful. It absolutely should be illegal. Fathers should be forced to pay. But, currently they aren’t. We all know that and it has been that way since time began. And, women are also responsible for themselves. And last time I checked, contraception in England was free.
Four children are, by anyone’s reckoning, expensive.

Keirawr · 27/04/2025 18:58

The government needs to cut benefits
far deeper and harder this than they have. The whole thing has become a parody. No wonder the public is becoming so disenfranchised with paying for it. It’s not a safety net. It’s a lifestyle choice to have kids you cannot afford. How many people, even as a couple, can afford 4 kids with out taxpayer funding. The vast majority cannot,

Yet some people are making that choice because they know that someone else will pick up the tab.

MereNoelle · 27/04/2025 18:57

ArlJudey · 27/04/2025 18:39

It just doesn’t feel like it, her youngest is 2, eldest 6 (twins in between) so it’s not like the benefits will go anywhere anytime soon. She has a degree, is still working in her field so when her youngest is in school she will be able to find full time work and progress easily, I don’t see it like she’s on borrowed time at all.

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Quit your job and go on benefits then?

Maitri108 · 27/04/2025 18:56

FedupofArsenalgame · 27/04/2025 18:55

Thought u could only get universal credit for 2 kids

There's a benefit cap.

FedupofArsenalgame · 27/04/2025 18:55

Thought u could only get universal credit for 2 kids

BobbyBiscuits · 27/04/2025 18:55

If she's disabled then yes you are unreasonable to resent her. As having ill health is worse than anything, including struggling financially while physically and mentally well.

If she's not disabled, and neither are you, then why not go ahead and claim all the benefits she does? If you genuinely think it will make your life easier.

Having your entire livelihood be dependent on the whim of an ever increasingly unsympathetic government is extremely anxiety inducing.

So be very careful what you wish for. I'd say there's plenty of people who can't work who would be envious of you for being able to.

purpleme12 · 27/04/2025 18:55

What did she say when you reminded her about her nice holidays? So clearly she can afford to go nice places