Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

Not a chance in hell I'd envy a single mother of four with no help. Rather her than me.

OP she’s working and has four kids to look after. She’s not just sat on her arse planning her holidays. She’s probably exhausted. I am with two!

Think we need more context before sympathizing to be fair.
For example, did she intentionally bring 4 kids into the world even though she was a single mum beforehand? Or was she in a committed relationship, had 4 kids and then her ex partner disappeared?

Yeah I dont think so, not with immigration rates being so high and our friends arriving on boats on a daily basis and bringing their wives and kids over...

Generally, you're correct due to the UC two-child benefit cap. However, there's an exception for "multiple births" and as OP's friend's second pregnancy resulted in twins, she would receive the child element of UC for three children, rather than the usual two.

then how about we start with all the workers working but that get a uc top up because the companys pay crap wages, ?

It seems to me she knows how to use her money better than you maybe ? You resent someone because she has no support is bringing up 4 kids alone , works part time on top and has a holiday a year ? What’s wrong with you ?

She getting through an impossibly difficult time

leave her alone OP. A real friend wouldn’t judge her like you do.

Companies pay crap wages because they can. Because crap wages are subsidized by tax credits and universal credit. If the benefits stopped, companies would have to pay the going rate for labour. It’s simply supply and demand.

You're not a good friend.
I wouldn't expect a single mother of 4 young children to work any more that 16 hours, I'm more than happy for my tax to go towards that. Their father should be paying but the mother and children shouldn't lose out for his faults.
If she has it so easy why don't you go ahead and cut your hours too? Why waste your time being miserable and resentful instead of appreciating and enjoying your life with your children.

and thinking having 4 kids is an easy life, how would you even be able to work full time with 4 kids.

but whats fair about companies paying crap wages, maybe the prices should rise so that workers can be paid proper wages

You are not unreasonable at all but you’ll get your arse handed to you on MN by all the people who believe that every single benefit claimant is honest as the day is long and deserving of every penny. Try to concentrate on the positive things about your own situation - comparison is the thief of joy. People also only tend to share their wins and there might be a lot of negative parts to her life that you don’t see such as 4 kids growing up without their father.

The incentives don’t grow on trees. They are paid for by people whom often don’t have the luxury of having 4 kids. Or put off having any kids until they are in their 40s. Perhaps those who are so very in favour of funding other people’s life choices could make extra contribution to mount their money where their mouths are.

Yeah, thought not.

Its a simply question of fairness and sustainability or the system. Neither of which can be said for the benefits system in this country.

surley the question should be why does your workplace pay crap wages ?

Perhaps the end result of your friend's kids not living in absolutely dire poverty will actually be good for society?

The costs of providing benefits to parents might actually be cheaper in the long run if the alternative is children not having enough to eat.

If your friend is a single parent to four kids under age seven, I'd say she is probably working very hard indeed!

The birth rate is declining. It won’t be long before they’re offering financial incentives to have more children.

I can’t afford to go on holiday on benefits either. But I have never worked

We only see the parts of peoples lives they choose to share and I bet there are some tough times having 4 children, no partner and no family support either and a job. Maybe she doesn’t dwell on it and has a positive attitude instead of spending energy on being jealous of others and what they have.

Oh dear, do you really think it's that easy to get a council house? Just 21% of single-parent families in the UK are in council houses so where do you think the other 79% are living?

Being a single parent to 4, her life is not to be envied. Good for her managing her money carefully and giving her kids a good life. I don’t think benefits amount to a huge sum of money.

I say this as someone who is not entitled to any benefit (incfree childcare hours or child benefit etc).

Living in envy isn’t healthy.

🤣🤣🤣 do ivf and crack on.

you sound really silly

YANBU OP, I've lived this & when you work lot's & the alarm goes off every morning it is hard to not feel resentful when you see others not working as many hours etc. What I will say is, time will pass & quickly & being a single parent is tough. The people I know now have grown up kids (who aren't really working or in education ) & they are having to work full time (& hating it), have no pension contributions & live in rented accommodation. I own my own home, have a half decent pension, have been promoted over time & so far my son has taken his education & job seriously. I will say I hold on to some guilt for working too much when my son was little xx

I have very robust views about benefits. However, if she's a single parent and the eldest is 6, the youngest 2 and twins in-between, I take my hat off to her for working 15hpw.