Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Sally20099 · 28/04/2025 20:09

W

BlueFlowers5 · 28/04/2025 20:07

Have you thought of changing his phone number añd maybe taking him on two weeks holiday to break the tight emotional bonds with this gf mother.
Just an idea.

fashionqueen0123 · 28/04/2025 19:56

Good grief what have they done now 😳 I’m hoping this is the last you hear of them

Vynalbob · 28/04/2025 19:50

This is exactly what I thought. Why they were keen to get him out of the hospital.
Definitely sounds dodgy to me. Just like to add I'd make a record/diary just in case it gets more bizarre.

angela1952 · 28/04/2025 19:40

So sorry to hear this, hope that you can relax enough to get a decent night's sleep.

pomers · 28/04/2025 19:39

princessleah1 · 27/04/2025 19:25

When I worked as a childrens social worker we would come across people like the gf's mother - a desperation to care for other people's kids, even though they barely look after their own. People would, just like you've done, call in and ask for help as their teenager had been persuaded to move in with the other family and it had turned into a shit show.
Its like a horrible attachment behaviour

When I worked at a PRU early 2000s we had this. Families who routinely took in other peoples children, even though they could barely cope themselves. I never really understood why. There may occasionally have been some benefits involved but usually not. The best reason I could find is that it was usually a friend of their child, and it helped them manage their own child.

This happened to me to a much lesser extent when my son was 14. My son had a girl friend who was two years older. The parents tried to apply pressure to let him stay over etc. it was because their own daughter (girlfriend) wanted this and was throwing tantrums, carrying on etc and having my son there made their life easier. They had about 5 kids and the household was in total chaos. Dad had a very good job etc, but they seemed unable to manage their own children.

My son was becoming exhausted.It was emotional abuse but he didn’t feel able to finish with her. Eventually he pleaded with his dad to help him. My husband helped him compose and send a text. I got the school involved, she was a at 6th form college. I got her banned from the school campus.

I was very clear throughout that my son would not be staying and that I would have their daughter prosecuted. After he finished with her we endured a whole weekend of abusive texts and threats which we told him to ignore.

It wasn’t easy and your situation sounds much worse. Good luck

itsgettingweird · 28/04/2025 19:31

Did you get any news from neurology?

You are doing so well to be holding firm against this and having your ds safe whilst it’s happening

Scottishskifun · 28/04/2025 19:16

It's good the police are taking it seriously and the body cam footage from the hospital should also help.

It definitely sounds like something is going on and they are trying to make sure it stays concealed.

tara66 · 28/04/2025 19:14

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:08

I'll have a look for that! Thanks

Yes I remember that thread too. Afew years ago.

Pussycat22 · 28/04/2025 19:13

NotSafeInTaxis · 27/04/2025 17:47

He needs to finish with the GF.

(It's seizure, not fit, btw)

Odd that, cos as a nurse we say someones fitting rather than seizure especially if it's an emergency !

travellinglighter · 28/04/2025 19:11

I suspect he has seen something that he shouldn’t have and they are trying to make sure he doesn’t tell anyone.

justasking111 · 28/04/2025 19:09

JoshLymanSwagger · 28/04/2025 19:04

@Lifeof6 At least the Police are now taking things more seriously.
Reading your descriptions of these very disturbed people is quite chilling.
I hope your DS (and the rest of you/your family) are ok.
Flowers

It really is chilling.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this @Lifeof6

JoshLymanSwagger · 28/04/2025 19:04

@Lifeof6 At least the Police are now taking things more seriously.
Reading your descriptions of these very disturbed people is quite chilling.
I hope your DS (and the rest of you/your family) are ok.
Flowers

ThejoyofNC · 28/04/2025 19:04

Oh OP I am so sorry. I hope you can put a stop to this madness.

Shotokan101 · 28/04/2025 18:58

Can't you discuss again with social services but also stress that their behaviour has also made you concerned for the GF's wellbeing and home environment?

See how they like it, and also regarding their complaint to social services/polices - false reporting IS a crime - pursue it with the police.

You need to make sure that your original "incident" at the hospital involving the police has been formally logged and recorded and ensure the officer involved's bodycam footage is preserved as evidence of their coercive, criminal behaviour.

That coupled with your son having confirmed to the police about their behaviour should set you well on your way to stomping on them legally.

Hastentoadd · 28/04/2025 18:54

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Are you sure your son hasn’t told them fibs about having a difficult home life and controlling parents, childish lies that are after getting out of hand and they believe he needs to be protected from you and your Dh

Otherwise, it’s very strange behaviour indeed
Surprised your son still considers her a girlfriend considering the strange behaviour unless he knows why she ( and her mother) are doing it but can’t admit it to ye, eg that he has told a few lies etc

I could be way off but just a theory

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 28/04/2025 18:51

It is worth thoroughly checking everything they drop off in case they have included a note, secreted drugs somewhere or something else.

hcee19 · 28/04/2025 18:45

I would be extremely suspicious, that when you were at the hospital, the mother and gf wanted to speak to him privately....are drugs involved and they didn't want your son saying anything. There is definitely something going on, especially with your son now saying he doesn't not want to see the mother or gf. I would get an restraining order against them, there are definitely dark things going on....Hopefully you can sit down with your son and have a good chat to find out why he seems scared to be in the mothers and gf company. There is more to this than you know, the behaviour of the mother and gf I'd definitely very odd

Festivespirit85 · 28/04/2025 18:41

Lifeof6 · 28/04/2025 18:35

Thanks all. I am reading all your advice.
Unfortunately this is very real and still trying to process it all myself

We have had another incident and the police have got involved and took it very seriously, which I am very thankful for. I can't update as yet but I will as soon as I can.

Oh dear. Hope you are all ok.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like they are worried about your son because they think he is being abused. Because if that were the case, they would have contacted the police and SS, not tried whisking him away from medical attention and trying to ruin your life. The fact that she was begging you to let him stay and trying to manipulate him to go around screams something isn't right.
Trust your gut always is my motto.

BasilParsley · 28/04/2025 18:39

Lifeof6 · 28/04/2025 18:35

Thanks all. I am reading all your advice.
Unfortunately this is very real and still trying to process it all myself

We have had another incident and the police have got involved and took it very seriously, which I am very thankful for. I can't update as yet but I will as soon as I can.

Thinking of you xxx

Lifeof6 · 28/04/2025 18:35

Thanks all. I am reading all your advice.
Unfortunately this is very real and still trying to process it all myself

We have had another incident and the police have got involved and took it very seriously, which I am very thankful for. I can't update as yet but I will as soon as I can.

OP posts:
ThistleTits · 28/04/2025 18:34

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:02

Wouldn't rule anything out at the moment.

My husband is thinking more stranger things then me.... He can't get out his head it's the mother after him!

That certainly crossed my mind. The daughter might be a cover for the mother. Definitely would be thinking some sort of drugs.
I do hope everything works out positively.

PotatoLove · 28/04/2025 18:28

Omg OP how awful!

laraitopbanana · 28/04/2025 18:27

Wow.

you need to lead in having the police involved for the gf’s mother. He can still choose to be involved with gf but as things are…no phone alone, no time alone with gf…etc and you should be open and tell him that their behavior worries you and that that is the reason why he can’t do these two things.

you need to explain how and what to expect to other adults and acceptable behavior for his girlfriend towards you.

It is absolute madness! But reporting someone maliciously can be acted upon by the police so keep it all and show them.

Good luck,
protect your son!

Swipe left for the next trending thread