Page 4 | To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

Lifeof6 · 2025-04-27T16:34:43+00:00

Long and wild one. Just don't know what to do. For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son. My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go. Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital. I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him! Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no. She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there. Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away. My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment. I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property. She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time) Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble. My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care! I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college. I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do! We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach. I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this. How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us. How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home! This is a short version, I can't make sense of it The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college. My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

AliceMcK · 30/04/2025 14:02

SamkaSabrinka · 29/04/2025 19:03

Firstly, I am so very sorry for this dreadful thing you're going through. And well done to you for reacting quick and protecting your son. I really hope you're getting all the support now, and there can be some solid safeguarding/orders put in place to keep them away from him.

In terms of this behaviour, weirdly it is quite common, another mother wanting to appropriate/be a better mother to someone's teenage child in particular. Teenage because teens can be groomed and converted, the would-be 'surrogate' mother can draw out any upset they have at home, or wishes they have that parents might have vetoed (tattoos, piercings, sex, smoking/vaping, drugs even, alcohol, etc.) and she can be the 'cool' approachable understanding one. Teenagers, especially 15+, have a lot of autonomy in general, and, as you've seen, he's been at their house a lot because of the gf. The mother begging/insisting he come round is a sign, she would probably rather have just got him to come whether you liked it or not, but clearly he's consistently said about it being up to you, so as the gatekeeper she's had to go direct to you.

It's a sliding scale. Some of these mothers will just have them round when they can and try to be their best friend, text them without your knowledge, etc, but others (the total nutters) will literally try to steal your kid. They love the whole ringing up social services/getting authorities on their side/against you and then (deluded completely) thinking if they can only undermine you and take you out, then somehow the kid will automatically be given to them (despite other family, etc) (haha I'm laughing but really they are dangerous lunatics imo).

The absolute loons often have some history themselves. For example, maybe they only have one child. Maybe they have a girl and always wanted a boy, or vice versa. Maybe their kid is difficult but yours is a dream (and therefore v easy for them and it makes them think they are being amazing and are good for your kid - totally failing to realise your kid is so nice because brought up by you!! haha). Maybe they have had children taken away from them by an ex and/or social services. Maybe they have lost a child in some other way.

Or maybe they are just mad cows.

Either way, what you're experiencing is a big horrible example of the worse end of this spectrum, and I'm really very sorry. I have to say too that I agree with your DH. The mother has somehow become possessive over him because he's having sex with her daughter. She could, yes, also harbour some kind of desires for him. She's defo earmarked him as 'theirs'. Awful. Poor lad.

So, as for his ill health. It is so very possible that his symptoms are some kind of reaction to whatever's been going on there. I'd say at the very least she's been badmouthing you and saying he should move to theirs, which is enough in itself to disorientate a vulnerable 16/17 year old. I say 'vulnerable' because he got into a kind of vortex where he was often going round, and he was on his own there with them, and whatever was going on, he wasn't telling you about it. Probably bonded to the gf and wanting to be with her/addicted to the sex (sorry, just saying it how I think it is). It's clearly been a super toxic environment round there. And this whole lark may have been planned over time by the mad mother. I hate to suggest this, but she could even have been deliberately poisoning or doing something to him to lead to a crisis, get him, then he would miraculously recover in her care. The fact that now he's going there, he seems fine, is of interest. It would be good to see if over the next few weeks he still shows those symptoms, or they disappear. Then it could well be they were linked to going round there.

It is all dreadful. Make sure he doesn't get sucked back in. Good luck.

Edited

Wow this post has just caused me to be hit with a lot of old buried memories. Seeing it all written down I can think of 3 such women from my teenage years who were like this with other peoples children. We didn’t call it grooming back then, these were just the “cool” mums who weren’t as judgemental as the real mums. One mum in her 40s even married her DDs 19 yo friend, we ( inc her dd) were all about 16/17 at the time.

Im so glad times have changed and this behaviour is far more recognised now. I know it’s still happening, but at least these days the police take an interest and the behaviour is far more likely to be called out.

Apreslapluielesoleil · 30/04/2025 13:58

That letter is seriously concerning.
Would your son accept its best to leave her, and her mother, to be dealt with by the police as they will help them access the psychological help they both need? There’s a deep problem there that we can’t fix, the professionals need to step in?
And if at all possible I’d try to get away with him for a while.
Honestly, parenting these days is so hard. Stay strong, you’re doing all the right things.

travelforthesoul · 30/04/2025 13:44

Jeez! That is unhinged, totally not in the realm of normality. Do you have cctv/ring doorbell?

I urge caution for your whole family and applaud you as a Mother looking after her son. Well done, this sounds like its going to be ongoing for a while. So glad the police are involved and taking things seriously.

MunkyNuts · 30/04/2025 13:43

You are a fabulous mum and I'm sure one day your son will appreciate all you are doing. I hope he can get these people off his case soon, they sound very disturbing. Hang on in there, hopefully you can put all this into the past and move forward without any more trauma. I feel for you all and am sorry you've been put through this.

fashionqueen0123 · 30/04/2025 13:40

Lifeof6 · 30/04/2025 12:17

Thank you all.

We found a letter in his belongings that they dropped off - his gf wrote... It was very concerning.
It had a list of suggestions and one of them was to do serious harm to me and dh.
Other things also about how we don't care about him etc! I can't go into too much detail but police responded quickly. We're all okay. My son is going in the right direction fingers crossed.

I've been ringing every agency that I can. His college have been amazing especially the safeguarding lead, we all had a meeting with her yesterday. My son's mood lifted when we collected him from college, actively making conversations and general chit chat it filled me with warmth and a little bit of hope that things are going to be okay.

I have read every reply, thank you all so much.
🩷

Blimey! What did your son have to say about the letter - does this mean he’s finally cut her off? Glad you got his stuff back

Diarygirlqueen · 30/04/2025 13:32

This is the stuff of nightmares.
You've handled this brilliantly, great mum.
I pray this ends well for all your family x

justasking111 · 30/04/2025 13:30

Our family had something similar, brother, SIL her teenage daughter. Boyfriend she finishes with came to the home with a knife to kill them all. Was a five hour police siege. Thankfully he did go to prison

MothershipG · 30/04/2025 13:27

She's almost certainly going to threaten self harm when you son finishes with her, if she hasn't already, it might be a good idea to prepare him for this and how he will respond.

BookArt55 · 30/04/2025 13:27

Lifeof6 · 30/04/2025 13:05

Nothing has flagged with the substance side. Gp and our hospital have sent referrals off as he requires further testing.

Today I finally feel more calm- I've literally been physically trembling and been in a constant anxious state the whole time.

I still cannot understand what or why it has happened, hopefully one day ds will feel he can talk about it. Until then I will not give up the fight. Xx

Really feel for you. While you keep being an amazing mum and all of the worry that comes alongside being a mum, especially in thia very difficult situation, please please please access therapy for yourself. You can do this through your GP as well as privately. It will help you get through this. It will lead by example and your son will see that if it is okay for mum then maybe it is okay for me to attend therapy, and it will give you skills to support your son. I have been reading your updates frim the beginning and it is such a lot in such a short space of time. Your son needs you so you have to prioritise time for selfcare. I was told to put my oxygen mask on to support my kids, and I now couldn't agree more.
Wishing you, your son and your family all of the luck in the world. I have everything crossed for you.

LAMPS1 · 30/04/2025 13:22

No doubt they thought that dropping his things off with a concealed letter was going to be a successful way of contacting him. They didn’t reckon on you though OP. So well done for saving your son from their grasp. It was a close shave at the hospital from the sounds of it.

Please make a list of all the ways they would be able to contact him. Unbelievable ways, incredible ways, outrageous ways, overly dramatic ways….because it seems they are very determined in their need to control him.

He is indeed a lucky young man to have you constantly looking out for him.
Good luck to you all, I really hope they give up and go away.

Original poster

Lifeof6 · 30/04/2025 13:05

Nothing has flagged with the substance side. Gp and our hospital have sent referrals off as he requires further testing.

Today I finally feel more calm- I've literally been physically trembling and been in a constant anxious state the whole time.

I still cannot understand what or why it has happened, hopefully one day ds will feel he can talk about it. Until then I will not give up the fight. Xx

OP posts:

Shotokan101 · 30/04/2025 12:58

Lifeof6 · 30/04/2025 12:17

Thank you all.

We found a letter in his belongings that they dropped off - his gf wrote... It was very concerning.
It had a list of suggestions and one of them was to do serious harm to me and dh.
Other things also about how we don't care about him etc! I can't go into too much detail but police responded quickly. We're all okay. My son is going in the right direction fingers crossed.

I've been ringing every agency that I can. His college have been amazing especially the safeguarding lead, we all had a meeting with her yesterday. My son's mood lifted when we collected him from college, actively making conversations and general chit chat it filled me with warmth and a little bit of hope that things are going to be okay.

I have read every reply, thank you all so much.
🩷

Glad to hear that your son appears to be "coming around" and I really hope that this is the start of a return to normallacy for all of you.

Really glad to hear that they/GF were stupid enough to document their ill intent with that letter.

Pretty sure that the police should now, combined with the earlier incidents, have more than enough to take the necessary legal actions to shut them up and protect you a, your family, and the rest of the population from any further abuses like this.

Have you had any blood test results yet for your DS's seizure that may indicate "unusual substances" being involved?

Obviously, such findings, and if they were not "introduced willingly" would escalate any possible offences to a much much more serious level.

andjustwhatfreshhellisthis · 30/04/2025 12:56

Lifeof6 · 30/04/2025 12:17

Thank you all.

We found a letter in his belongings that they dropped off - his gf wrote... It was very concerning.
It had a list of suggestions and one of them was to do serious harm to me and dh.
Other things also about how we don't care about him etc! I can't go into too much detail but police responded quickly. We're all okay. My son is going in the right direction fingers crossed.

I've been ringing every agency that I can. His college have been amazing especially the safeguarding lead, we all had a meeting with her yesterday. My son's mood lifted when we collected him from college, actively making conversations and general chit chat it filled me with warmth and a little bit of hope that things are going to be okay.

I have read every reply, thank you all so much.
🩷

fucking hell. this is horrifying! Sorry to say but it's like the start of some ITVX Drama and you're bloody living it.

So pleased your DS is engaging with you; what a lucky lad he is to have decent parents. I hope you continue to get all the support you need IRL OP.

Happyspendingthedayinthegarden · 30/04/2025 12:53

I've been lurking here & getting more & more concerned. I so feel for you what a situation you've found yourself in. You are doing the right things, getting the right support - well done.

Your poor son, how he must be feeling. He's lucky that he has such a supportive and loving family.

Original poster

Lifeof6 · 30/04/2025 12:48

Yes. He said basically she's contacting him but he is ending it. We've made it clear it needs to end now. (I've not doubt she's trying everything to pull him back)

I'm guessing all sorts of course but I feel completely stuck. I don't know how deep or what depth he's been sucked into he said he doesn't want to talk about it. We've suggested therapies etc but he's definitely not ready yet.

He's engaging and agreed going forward to be honest with us. He said he's happy at home and wants to stay here.

OP posts:

recipientofraspberries · 30/04/2025 12:43

Christ! What a horrifying update. Well done for being proactive and on the ball with all this, OP.

ThejoyofNC · 30/04/2025 12:33

Bloody hell OP that's terrifying. I am glad police etc are acting and taking you all seriously. Have you had any conversations with him about having no further contact with any of them?

ThankULord · 30/04/2025 12:31

WTF???!!
Glad you saw that letter. Also, glad you acted on your gut feeling.
Glad you had help from the police that day.
And glad that agencies are taking your concerns serious.

This is very troubling.
One can only imagine things that must have been said to him that no one will know if that can be written in a letter with the knowledge of risk of discovery.
Or even worse, if they were so condfident they had him in their clutches that he would not risk anyone else seeing that letter.
Or even worse, if they think that's a normal suggestion to make.

Apologies for my shock.

Wishing you every success in protecting your child and getting rid of these people and anyone else like them from your lives.

Tillow4ever · 30/04/2025 12:27

They are sounding more and more unhinged with every update! Your son is so lucky to have you, and I’m glad he’s responding well to you. I can’t believe his GF suggested doing you serious harm - it sounds like she’s as deranged as her mother has come across. And as dangerous as her father has implied he is.

Original poster

Lifeof6 · 30/04/2025 12:17

Thank you all.

We found a letter in his belongings that they dropped off - his gf wrote... It was very concerning.
It had a list of suggestions and one of them was to do serious harm to me and dh.
Other things also about how we don't care about him etc! I can't go into too much detail but police responded quickly. We're all okay. My son is going in the right direction fingers crossed.

I've been ringing every agency that I can. His college have been amazing especially the safeguarding lead, we all had a meeting with her yesterday. My son's mood lifted when we collected him from college, actively making conversations and general chit chat it filled me with warmth and a little bit of hope that things are going to be okay.

I have read every reply, thank you all so much.
🩷

OP posts:

Jojoisnotmyname · 30/04/2025 12:05

@Lifeof6 How are you all today? I hope things are moving in the right direction and you're getting all the help you need. It's absolutely crazy what's been happening but your son is lucky to have a mammy like you ❤️ Sending you strength and positivity 💐

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/04/2025 11:35

SamkaSabrinka · 29/04/2025 19:03

Firstly, I am so very sorry for this dreadful thing you're going through. And well done to you for reacting quick and protecting your son. I really hope you're getting all the support now, and there can be some solid safeguarding/orders put in place to keep them away from him.

In terms of this behaviour, weirdly it is quite common, another mother wanting to appropriate/be a better mother to someone's teenage child in particular. Teenage because teens can be groomed and converted, the would-be 'surrogate' mother can draw out any upset they have at home, or wishes they have that parents might have vetoed (tattoos, piercings, sex, smoking/vaping, drugs even, alcohol, etc.) and she can be the 'cool' approachable understanding one. Teenagers, especially 15+, have a lot of autonomy in general, and, as you've seen, he's been at their house a lot because of the gf. The mother begging/insisting he come round is a sign, she would probably rather have just got him to come whether you liked it or not, but clearly he's consistently said about it being up to you, so as the gatekeeper she's had to go direct to you.

It's a sliding scale. Some of these mothers will just have them round when they can and try to be their best friend, text them without your knowledge, etc, but others (the total nutters) will literally try to steal your kid. They love the whole ringing up social services/getting authorities on their side/against you and then (deluded completely) thinking if they can only undermine you and take you out, then somehow the kid will automatically be given to them (despite other family, etc) (haha I'm laughing but really they are dangerous lunatics imo).

The absolute loons often have some history themselves. For example, maybe they only have one child. Maybe they have a girl and always wanted a boy, or vice versa. Maybe their kid is difficult but yours is a dream (and therefore v easy for them and it makes them think they are being amazing and are good for your kid - totally failing to realise your kid is so nice because brought up by you!! haha). Maybe they have had children taken away from them by an ex and/or social services. Maybe they have lost a child in some other way.

Or maybe they are just mad cows.

Either way, what you're experiencing is a big horrible example of the worse end of this spectrum, and I'm really very sorry. I have to say too that I agree with your DH. The mother has somehow become possessive over him because he's having sex with her daughter. She could, yes, also harbour some kind of desires for him. She's defo earmarked him as 'theirs'. Awful. Poor lad.

So, as for his ill health. It is so very possible that his symptoms are some kind of reaction to whatever's been going on there. I'd say at the very least she's been badmouthing you and saying he should move to theirs, which is enough in itself to disorientate a vulnerable 16/17 year old. I say 'vulnerable' because he got into a kind of vortex where he was often going round, and he was on his own there with them, and whatever was going on, he wasn't telling you about it. Probably bonded to the gf and wanting to be with her/addicted to the sex (sorry, just saying it how I think it is). It's clearly been a super toxic environment round there. And this whole lark may have been planned over time by the mad mother. I hate to suggest this, but she could even have been deliberately poisoning or doing something to him to lead to a crisis, get him, then he would miraculously recover in her care. The fact that now he's going there, he seems fine, is of interest. It would be good to see if over the next few weeks he still shows those symptoms, or they disappear. Then it could well be they were linked to going round there.

It is all dreadful. Make sure he doesn't get sucked back in. Good luck.

Edited

This is such a brilliant post. The more batshit, if very covertly manipulative, don’t even need to get the authorities involved. Especially if they get the whole family on board. They can pick up on the young person’s vulnerabilities and amplify them, get them to think and act in certain ways and change their beliefs. They will tell the young person that they are family, moreover that you can choose your family. They will do a number of things / rituals that makes the teen think they’re part of the family. Whole family days out to visit family and family celebrations will ‘naturally’ include them. This, all whilst subtly denigrating and undermining the parents.

The behaviour takes a long time to be noticed by the parents. Eventually it seeps out. But by this time, it’s so late in the day that fighting back feels impossible because this is extrication from a hostage situation and the young person is likely to suffer from a type of Stockholm syndrome if instantly removed. And attempts at instant extrication can be too dangerous because it will throw the young person directly towards the family. As the family hasn’t done anything ‘wrong’, the authorities may not even intervene. And sometimes the families are too dangerous to attempt direct extrication for fear of serious reprisal. So extrication will be done slowly, wisely and without causing suspicion.

I, for one, am always happy to hear about you and your ds. And I from the amount of times your situation comes up, I think I’m not the only one. And am so glad he is happy with his current girlfriend @Thisisntme1 😊

SamPM · 30/04/2025 05:22

The accusation of abuse is serious, I would not let that slide tbh and get some legal advice to address this and also take out a restraining/no contact/whatever UK similar order is. Accusations like that can destroy your lives and if the police are not going to do their job and go and talk to her about her behaviour then I would definitely discuss the situation with a lawyer.

Thisisntme1 · 30/04/2025 04:07

I’m so sorry to hear you’re dealing with this OP. It’s a tough situation to be in. My only advice would be to not push your DS too much into making a decision on the GF as it could push him further away especially if he’s feeling pressure from both sides, you want to be his calm and that will help him to come back to you in the long run.

I am the mum from the Australian thread about my DS (name changed obviously).
I don’t want to pop my head up everytime that thread is mentioned because we have moved on and at the time one of my threads was deleted as some people thought I was a troll as it seemed unbelievable (which I understand people can be wary).

But for the posters speculating and asking, my DS split from the ex GF and has been with his new GF now for about 18months. She’s lovely and he’s very happy.

I think some posters were confusing my thread with PurpleLampShades one which I haven’t seen an outcome of her situation yet unfortunately.

SamkaSabrinka · 29/04/2025 20:43

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 29/04/2025 20:39

I can't imagine the worry.

Can you find a private therapist/counsellor who deals with young adults that have been groomed? It sounds like he's been brainwashed by these people for whatever reason, and that won't be reversed without specialist help.

yes this is such a good idea. You should be asking for specialist abuse/etc. support and finding out what's been going on there :(