Did I ruin family day out

Did it escape your notice that the child was asking his dad to apologise to his mum ? Because the OP’s concerning updates have certainly passed you by.

Yes. From volunteering in a domestic abuse centre, this is where it starts for most. It doesn't go straight to physical punching and slapping and pushing around. It's a slow build. Sulking, whining, storming about, gaslighting, blaming. Never taking responsibility or apologising. Going from hot to cold in seconds, suddenly fury. The fact the OP has been fearful is so telling. NOBODY should be afraid of their partner. Male or female. If you are, it's time to go.

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day.

Does he have form for spoiling happy days, either before or after them?

The behaviour is designed to have you wondering what the fuck just happened; remembering the day as being a bad one whilst wondering if it really was your fault and how can you please your husband and make sure it doesn't happen again. He will be angry and sulk for a while and then act like nothing happened - you'll start to relax and start trusting him again and enjoying his company. And then he'll do it again, just when you thought things were going to be okay and when you are least expecting it. If he gets away with crumpled up tissues you can rest assured that they'll be in the box next time. Or worse.

Listen to that bad taste in your mouth @Prinajdjd , it's trying to protect you and your child/ren.

It’s not a one off out of character incident. OP says he is argumentative and has updated to say she’s worried because the incident came from a place of his anger. The DC getting their day back is the least of OP’s worries IMO.

To answer OP
ya both ruined the day out, amazing that a child knows better how to behave than the two of you.

He was probably tired and stressed driving after a long day. He shouldn't have snapped but I think you are being dramatic over a tissue!

Also being argumentative on a regular basis to me would show that he can’t control his anger. Why should his outbursts be accepted by the family?

I agree otherwise pillow fights would be illegal.

Anything in your eye would hurt.

His reaction following this says a lot. If he just said, ‘look, I was driving and worried that there was something in the footwell but I shouldn’t have reacted as I did’. Apologising to you and the dc. It would be over but instead he’s sulking.

I do understand the working nights and rarely getting to join family days out, it makes them even more valuable but even more reason not to behave like a child.

You're welcome. I should stress, that in my childhood, this was very frequent, I'd say around 50% of days out and occasions ended with one or other storming off, cutting the event short, then an atmosphere at home you could cut with a knife. "Are you coming down for dinner mum?" "Not until your father apologises" etc. If this is a one off out of character incident, then it's not the same. My point was really, keep an eye on it, because even if you get your apology the DC won't have their day back.

@Prinajdjd it seems so trivial to many but reading this really upset me and I needed a minute to gather myself to respond. I was in a relationship where things like this would constantly happen, they were small enough that making an issue about them would make me look petty and in the wrong but they were enough to change my behaviour and make me more compliant.

Ordinary tissues which are actually pretty rough are not recommended for cleaning optical/camera lenses as they can scratch the surface, which btw is hard, unlike an eyeball. The scrunched up tissues made contact with her eyeball and would have possibly scratched the surface of the eye. It's pretty painful and can lead to infection. So for those of you insinuating that OP is making a fuss about nothing, she really isn't.

OP he behaved like a nasty fucker and I hope he recognises his shitty behaviour for what it was and apologises soon.

IME where there are anger control issues, these things can easily escalate to physical abuse, and for me, along with his behaviour in the aftermath, this would be a red flag. It may have only been a tissue this time, but next time it could be an open hand and then a fist. And from ‘l’d never hit you’ you gradually get to a point where it’s happening regularly and each time he’s saying it’ll never happen again. I would be looking at an exit strategy if he won’t address his anger issues.

Kindly OP, plenty of abusive men say they would never hit their partners. First it’s just shouting. Manipulation. They may hit walls, doors, throw things in “anger”.

Then it happens. They hit, slap, push you. But they say “sorry” and “it will never happen again”.

Then it happens again.

And again.

A lot of the times it escalates so much that these abusive men seriously injure or murder their partners. You know the ones they promise they would never hit.

Please leave him. Get your children away from this nasty, volatile bully.

It is hard to imagine that a balled up tissue could cause damage, but his burst of anger certainly has. That short fuse. You could tell him that even if he thinks it is nothing, it wasn't nothing to you and DD, and you want him to get some help managing his anger. If you're worried he will explode, do it in a public place or with a friend to support you, and definitely with no children present.

How did OP react badly?

So next time he " reacts badly" and throws something in her face, hitting her eye and possibly causing serious damage or blinding her because the offending object is something heavier or sharp is that also OPs fault?

You don't see a man throwing an object into his wife's face as anything other than him " reacting badly"?

My goodness it really is a man's world isn't it?

Nope. He's simply a bad tempered asshole.

I can kinda see both sides of this. He was unreasonable to have a go at you for giving him tissues that he asked for just because they were given in a way he didn’t like. But perhaps the tissue throwing was supposed to lighten the mood, maybe he realised he’d been a dick and thought I know I’ll be funny and turn it playful but it back fired when it actually hurt you. Instead of apologising he got defensive which is a normal reaction when you feel guilty. You could just say “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me with the tissues, so I forgive you. I was still annoyed because I wanted an apology but didn’t get one. I think we should be showing our DD that even if we accidentally hurt someone it’s polite to apologise. This is not normally like us so let’s just move past it now.”
you can’t force him to apologise but I hope he does. I don’t think it’s domestic abuse considering this is the first time it’s happened and you’ve been together years, it sounds like an accident to me.

The fact you have been scared of him speaks volumes. I knew it wouldn't be just the one off tissue incident. You know him and you know how he makes you feel. I'm really sorry x

His immediate reaction to the tissues was aggressive and nasty. He has anger issues. Then on top of that his treatment towards you once home was clear gaslighting and then on top of that to sulk and refuse to be with you and the kids as punishment shows him up to be emotionally abusive and immature. If this is the first time then have a chat when you are both calmer and just the two of you and explain it in simple terms. If he still refuses to understand he’s in the wrong then I would seriously think this is a sign to keep a wary eye on his behaviour from now on.

I agree - and they both managed to “ruin the day”. Driving is prime time for silly spats ime

Where did OP react badly ? She handed him tissues while dealing with their child and they dropped on the floor. He could simply have asked for more. Instead he balled them up and threw them at her. At the very least it’s bloody disrespectful and should never have happened - and certainly not in front of children. And her DS asking for an apology on her behalf speaks volumes. OP mentioned he’s argumentative and this could well be an escalation.

Wow. A grown man asking for a tissue for his hands (why didn’t he wipe his hands before he started driving?) and getting upset that they fell off his knee.

This would seriously turn me off. What an absolute wet wipe!!!! (No pun intended).