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Original poster

Did I ruin family day out

282 replies

Prinajdjd · 27/04/2025 15:45

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day. When we was driving home, we decided we didn’t want the day to end and would find something else to do. As we were driving DH asked for a tissue for his hands. I was distracted talking to dd and placed a handful of them gently on his knee. They fell down by his foot. He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that? I should’ve placed them in his hand.” I apologised and said it wasn’t a big deal. He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face hitting my eye. Even if it was meant playful (which it wasn’t due to the sheer amount of force and his tone prior to this), it really hurt my eye and I was upset about it. Dd even saw and demanded for daddy to apologise to mommy. I said instead I wanted to go home and he blamed me for ruining the day over something minor. It rubbed me wrong as he shouldn’t have thrown it at me at all, definitely not in front of kids and he shouldn’t have done it so hard. He keeps coming in the room and asking is this how I’m going to act- I say no I am no longer upset about this and if he apologises we can continue the day. He has stormed out now and refuses to help with dc. So confused and don’t see how this is my fault.

OP posts:
Evilspiritgin · 27/04/2025 18:27

I think that the most likely scenario is that this a load of bull crap and didn’t happen

driving 80 mph and bending down to reach and retrieve tissues from under either the accelerator or brake!!!! Then balling them up and taking your eyes again off the road to make sure your throwing them straight into the face of the passenger, It’s a really good story

Obviously throwing things at your spouse isn’t on

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/04/2025 18:25

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:22

Not imagination honeybun. Lived experience. Started small, ended up with hospital treatment. OP has detailed behaviour which, for those of us experiencing similar, indicates a very familiar red flag. Not really a suitable topic for poking fun.

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I’ve experienced horrific DV and yet I manage not to project and catastrophise. You really need to get a grip on OP’s reality instead of confusing it with your past.

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 27/04/2025 18:25

Just to play devil’s advocate: if you throw a tissue at someone, clearly your intention is not to hurt them in any way, is it? If he had slammed it on OP’s lap it could be argued, but throwing a tissue 🤷🏻‍♀️

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 18:24

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:22

Not imagination honeybun. Lived experience. Started small, ended up with hospital treatment. OP has detailed behaviour which, for those of us experiencing similar, indicates a very familiar red flag. Not really a suitable topic for poking fun.

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I knew you had skin in the game.
Sorry to hear that, but it’s probably colouring your viewpoint, somewhat.

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:24

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Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:24

Megifer · 27/04/2025 18:19

No. My point does not support yours in any way.

Seems to me op aborted the plans because her DH was an aggressive little arsehole.

If you'd say a "oi be careful" to a deliberately aggressive act towards you from your DH then that's your business.

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Agree. Another low bar.

ilovebagpuss · 27/04/2025 18:23

Over reacting man child that can't control his emotions. Where did the anger come from? It's not like you threw a full bottle of water under his feet or something.
Does it happen often where he blows up at nothing?
No you didn't ruin the day by not covering his nasty action and pretending it was fine. He ruined it with his angry outburst over tissue.

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 18:23

CalleOcho · 27/04/2025 18:19

The intention was there though.

He was nasty, aggressive and argumentative to his wife.

He was probably driving erratically too due to his sudden anger. So not really a stretch.

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He was probably driving erratically too due to his sudden anger. So not really a stretch.
Well, that actually is a hell of a stretch.
So angry he was probably driving erratically?? Why would you even suggest this?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:22

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:18

You really do have a good imagination!

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Not imagination honeybun. Lived experience. Started small, ended up with hospital treatment. OP has detailed behaviour which, for those of us experiencing similar, indicates a very familiar red flag. Not really a suitable topic for poking fun.

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:21

CalleOcho · 27/04/2025 18:19

The intention was there though.

He was nasty, aggressive and argumentative to his wife.

He was probably driving erratically too due to his sudden anger. So not really a stretch.

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I was referring to the ability of a tissue to hurt an eye. You seem to be doing a lot of assuming. Leave me out of it, I'm not interested in your assumptions.

CalleOcho · 27/04/2025 18:19

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:15

A very long stretch of the imagination to think that a rolled up tissue could be "hurled" with such velocity as to hurt someone. Come on, really.

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The intention was there though.

He was nasty, aggressive and argumentative to his wife.

He was probably driving erratically too due to his sudden anger. So not really a stretch.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 27/04/2025 18:19

Lifeisinteresting · 27/04/2025 17:38

So you placed tissues on his knee, when it would have been safer to hand him them, I'm not surprised he got annoyed if they fell. If my husband had done this while I was driving I would have done the same.

Edited

I think it is not safer to expect the driver to take one hand off the wheel at a time of your choosing, rather than putting what he has asked for somewhere you expect him to be able to reach safely at a time he knows he has attention to spare for it.

I would always put something on either the dashboard or the driver's lap rather than requiring the driver to attend to mememe and drive at the same time.

Megifer · 27/04/2025 18:19

FiveBarGate · 27/04/2025 18:11

Exactly. My point is everyone over reacted.

I don't believe the tissues were a substantial danger but perhaps a distraction.

Nor do I believe an eye injury was so severe it required them to abort their plans. Caused the eye to water a bit maybe but the reaction to that is 'oi be careful' and move on, isn't it?

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No. My point does not support yours in any way.

Seems to me op aborted the plans because her DH was an aggressive little arsehole.

If you'd say a "oi be careful" to a deliberately aggressive act towards you from your DH then that's your business.

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:18

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:18

It’s the fact that it happened at all that concerns me. OP updated to say she considers this an escalation of already concerning anger issues and yet people are still strangely focused on the tissues, as though that’s all that matters.

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You really do have a good imagination!

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:18

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:15

A very long stretch of the imagination to think that a rolled up tissue could be "hurled" with such velocity as to hurt someone. Come on, really.

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It’s the fact that it happened at all that concerns me. OP updated to say she considers this an escalation of already concerning anger issues and yet people are still strangely focused on the tissues, as though that’s all that matters.

ams1210 · 27/04/2025 18:17

@CalleOcho and are you genuinely minimising what the OP did . 😂 thank for the laughs on a Sunday though

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:16

Megifer · 27/04/2025 18:12

I had that weird blood haemmorage thing from a bit of fluff landing in my eye 🤣 it actually did hurt,to the point I was expecting to see a splinter or something but no, was just wet grey dust I fished out.

Stuff like that can hurt when your eye is literally wide open not expecting anything to be thrust onto it.

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Have you heard of the blink reflex? A wad of tissue thrown at the eye would cause it to shut.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/04/2025 18:16

I have done some dramatic re-enactments with my DH purely for research reasons.

Given the slow velocity of a crumpled ball of airborne tissues, it is highly unlikely he could have purposely timed it to hit OP at the exact millisecond she turned her head.

In addition, the aerodynamic properties of a ball of tissue mean it can’t be aimed with any accuracy, much less directly at a small target such as an eye in motion on a turning head.

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:15

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:03

Rolled up and angrily hurled at someone in close proximity ? And hitting them in the eye ? What do you think ?

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A very long stretch of the imagination to think that a rolled up tissue could be "hurled" with such velocity as to hurt someone. Come on, really.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:14

FiveBarGate · 27/04/2025 18:11

Exactly. My point is everyone over reacted.

I don't believe the tissues were a substantial danger but perhaps a distraction.

Nor do I believe an eye injury was so severe it required them to abort their plans. Caused the eye to water a bit maybe but the reaction to that is 'oi be careful' and move on, isn't it?

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No. How about ‘Oi throwing those balled up tissues at me in a rage is an indication that your anger issues are out of control’ ?

Rhaidimiddim · 27/04/2025 18:14

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:47

The point has been made several times, but here it is again for those at the back and the hard of understanding.

DH has anger control issues. OP describes him as on a short fuse. She also updates that she’s worried because the incident came from a place of anger and considers it an escalation of previously concerning behaviour.

This was a minor incident and an accident. His response was to physically abuse OP in front of their children, and to continue to blame her long after they got home. He expects her to apologise to him, despite his abusive behaviour. That suggests a narcissist.

For those of us familiar with how DV starts this is escalation and a red flag. Similar to OP’s case, it starts with ‘l’d never hit you’. The next step is a slap he deems as ‘deserved’. Then a punch. And systematically you get to the stage where each beating is accompanied with an assurance that it will never happen again.

The sarky snark is all about the lack of understanding that these situations escalate slowly, and the failure to appreciate that it doesn’t matter whether it’s a brick or a tissue. The important point is that it’s a escalation.

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I agree. It is what I have tried to explain here in my posts.

The fact that it was a bunch of tissues, not a brick, and that he is carrying on being a bully after the event - and BLAMING THE OP = DV.

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 18:12

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:08

Missing the point quite spectacularly.

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No, she hasn’t. It’s a ridiculous extrapolation that someone capable of throwing a tissue is equally capable of throwing a brick.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:12

GabriellaMontez · 27/04/2025 17:47

Ive never read anything so fucking ridiculous.

You missed "bystanders and their pets" off the list.

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Yep. It’s batshit. But it’s also doubling down in the face of being called out for so comprehensively missing the point, as have so many others whose bar for mens’ behaviour towards women is set so depressingly low.

Megifer · 27/04/2025 18:12

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:01

How can a tissue hurt your eye?

I had that weird blood haemmorage thing from a bit of fluff landing in my eye 🤣 it actually did hurt,to the point I was expecting to see a splinter or something but no, was just wet grey dust I fished out.

Stuff like that can hurt when your eye is literally wide open not expecting anything to be thrust onto it.

FiveBarGate · 27/04/2025 18:11

Megifer · 27/04/2025 18:06

Tbf anyone panicking over tissues falling off their knee needs to hand their license back and stick to getting buses.

And perhaps get a dementia test - genuine point - first signs of a family members dementia was wildly exaggerated panic over stuff like a car "cutting them up" (pulling out a junction 80metres ahead of them when they were doing 15 mph over a speed bump)

Edited
Show quote history

Exactly. My point is everyone over reacted.

I don't believe the tissues were a substantial danger but perhaps a distraction.

Nor do I believe an eye injury was so severe it required them to abort their plans. Caused the eye to water a bit maybe but the reaction to that is 'oi be careful' and move on, isn't it?