Did I ruin family day out

The thrust of the brick comment was that it doesn’t matter whether it’s a brick or a tissue, or anything else for that matter. It’s the intent. It’s the escalation. And it’s the demonstration that there are uncontrolled anger issues. It starts with throwing insignificant stuff around. Then throwing things at you when words are no longer enough.

I'm sure it's been really helpful to @Prinajdjd to have everyone arguing whether a tissue in the eye would hurt or not. Like kids in a bloody playground. Grow the fuck up.
Even a teeny fly in your eye hurts like hell.

@Prinajdjd is everything else ok with your marriage? I'm probably way off but my ex who cheated on me would get very angry with me.. like it was my fault that I was there, I guess..

Ok, well that’s a lovely bit of putting words in my mouth.
I have said it was a minor spat and they both ruined the day out.
So I agree completely that “there is something wrong” and have never said otherwise

I have been clear with what I do not agree with and that is the catastrophising hyperbole calling it a violent assault, equating a tissue to a brick, and almost gleeful horror film worthy predictions of what he might do to OP if she doesn’t pack her bags and flee the country right now.

It’s ridiculous and unhelpful to OP or anyone in that situation.

It isn’t accustoming anyone to having things thrown at them either. This was a balled up tissue. It’s not “abusive” to point out that no one tossing a tissue is going to seriously think it would ever hurt anyone.

A man got into a temper over a very minor transgression, and threw something at a woman which hurt her. He then made it clear that he expected her to apologise to him for the minor transgression, while also making it clear he was not going to apologise to her for his action having caused pain.

I don't think that feeling there is something wrong with this picture is out of order.

Accustoming a woman to having things thrown at her, and making her have to determine each time whether what is thrown at her is intended to hurt her or not, is in itself abusive. I am surprised you didn't notice this, if not when it was being done to you then as soon as you had escaped the toxic relationship.

I didn’t pull the DV survivor card, that was pulled on me.
if you read the full thread, you will see it has been compared to hitting with a brick.
Calling me ”horrid”, gaslighting me on what was said on the thread, and now calling me a “wierdo” - you really aren’t coming across well.

Perhaps because we, or should I say I have had many types of things thrown at me and it is clear by what is chosen to be thrown whether there is intent to harm me or not

after pulling the I’m a DV survivor card so I know better than you failed because others of us have also survived DV and have a different POV

Ironic your accusing me of the exact thing you literally did 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️😅

It’s not minimising to stick to what happened, it is hyperbole to pretend that tossing a balled up tissue is equivalent to hitting someone in the head with a brick

No ones comparing it to a brick to the head you weirdo 😳

It's obvious that tissue can hurt the eye in some circumstances. Not that it even matters if it hurt or not.

OP, your husband reacted in anger and aggression, even if it didn't hurt. Bending down to pick up the tissue, waiting for you to look at him then throwing it at your face was an aggressive act.

I can't imagine my husband ever reacting in that way. It's not a normal reaction.

I'm sorry for some of the shitty responses you have had here, OP. Too many posters like to disagree with the OP no matter what. There are also too many women who will excuse men's shitty behaviour because it is just normal to them.

You should be asking yourself that question, as it seems you and others determined intent to harm on the basis of absolutely no evidence and after pulling the I’m a DV survivor card so I know better than you failed because others of us have also survived DV and have a different POV, you now resort to calling me “horrid.”

It’s not minimising to stick to what happened, it is hyperbole to pretend that tossing a balled up tissue is equivalent to hitting someone in the head with a brick.

So that makes you the decider on what everyone else's intent on the throw and pain tolerance is 🤦‍♀️

I was in a DV relationship for 7 years and couldn't imagine ever trying to minimise somthing that had happened to someone else because I've had things thrown at me in the past

You sound horrid

Until next time, when the tissues he throws are still in the box !!

Here we have a woman state that her partner hurt her, and people are questioning whether it really hurt...

Even if physically the pain wasn't high up on the scale, it was still disrespectful, especially Infront of children.

Also, I would find it very humiliating if my partner got angry and thew something at me during an argument / misunderstanding even if it didn't hurt.

OP I hope you are okay, and you haven't ruined the day, he has.

I would ignore him and tell him to reflect on his actions.

Then when all calm have a serious discussion with him about this x

Perhaps because we, or should I say I have had many types of things thrown at me and it is clear by what is chosen to be thrown whether there is intent to harm me or not.

It does matter what is thrown and where. Intent to express emotion n a way that doesn’t harm a person does matter.

Yes, well I’m a survivor of DV too and I disagree with you, can you hold that as well ?

Obviously, they have never been hit by an unexpected rolled up tissue chucked in the eye.

I've been reading the comments from people laughing and questioning it and I've not been able to understand why they don't seem to believe it would hurt 🤦‍♀️

His grumpiness continued into the rest of the day and the implication is definitely that it would continue until OP had grovelled sufficiently because she "made him" lose his temper by doing something he had asked her to do, provided him with a tissue, just failed to do it in exactly the way he wanted her to. Her thinking that he ought to apologise for his outbreak of temper has clearly been insufferable behaviour on the part of the woman who was hurt by his action.

Men who claim that women "made him" lose his temper, "made him" hit her, "made him" rape her, "made him" strangle her and accidentally kill her ....

The woman asks "Did I spoil the day?" No, luv, he did. You had no intention of upsetting him; he on the other hand clearly did intend to upset you, and also to be upset.

I'd be really annoyed if someone put tissues on my knee whilst driving too. I might throw them. I'd easily hit my DH in the eye because I'd be aiming at his chest... 😂

Sounds like he had a bad case of Grumbleitis and you got injured. I think everyone was just grumpy and everyone needs to say sorry here.

1. Sorry you put the tissues on his knee... You were distracted by DD.
2. Sorry he reacted badly and threw them and you got hurt.

The tissue is not the star of this event 🙄 his sudden mood change, so that it alarmed the OP and her daughter is.

No, he did. Volatile men find a way to blame others. Having said that, tissues by the feet when driving would annoy me as well.

People may think a tissue in the eye is minor, but it hurts A LOT! Having said that, shift work can make monster's out of the best of us, the exhaustion never really goes. Best to just move on, I think.

Throwing anything is an indication of failure to control anger. I volunteered at a womens’ centre after my own experience and you've no idea how many women were in similar situations to OP. It doesn’t matter what he threw. It’s an escalation of his anger control issues. He scared OP and his children and if you read OP’s updates this is not the first time she’s feared him because of his anger issues.

Nope. I experienced DV and what’s more offensive to me than anything here is the minimisation of the early red flags any victim of DV will recognise. People don’t go straight from angry and argumentative to physical violence. It starts small and escalates over time, and involves gaslighting and coercive control. Which, from what OP has said, is already happening, as evidenced by his behaviour after they got home.

And it’s clearly not a one off. OP has had a previous conversation with him after similar behaviour, during which he said he would never hit her. That in itself is concerning because it seems that slowly, there’s a pattern emerging.

Hubby's reaction to throw them at you is out of order.
Wether balled up tissue or anything else his reaction wasn't a good one out of temper it's not your fault at all.

A balled load of tissues wouldn't "float"