What to tell my ex-Step Daughter about me and her Dad breaking up.

You can’t insist on much, unfortunately, but I think you should talk to him about your thoughts.

You can contextualise it by saying that if he has another relationship in the future and expects your mutual child to spend time with his new woman, he has to show you that he will behave responsibly when managing your child’s relationship with her. This would include honesty if the relationship fails.
Not being honest with your SC now, is not showing that he is responsible about such things.

To be honest, you only saw the child 24 days a year and that would have been heavily diluted (presumably) by her dad being the primary carer and no doubt you’ve been distracted with the pregnancy and new baby.

She probably has a stronger bond with her teacher/TA at school than you as she’ll spend a lot more time in their company.

I would just leave it to her Dad to manage.

You do realise how offensive that is to the OP don’t you.

I’m sure she’s capable of deciding whether to have a child with a man who has a toddler.

It wouldn’t be my cup of tea and I’m sure everyone on here is also wondering why OP would have a baby with a man who had a toddler but it’s not something I would be rude about, simply because it’s not relevant for this thread.

Them having a baby so soon was obviously very silly but irrelevant to the thread which is about reducing the impact of the break up on the child.
I think doing it in stages it’s much better.

We all know this thread would be completely different if it was an ex boyfriend of only a couple of years, with no biological relationship to the child who was wanting to pressure the mum into telling the child about the separation.

Maybe dad should have tried to reduce emotional harm to the child by not impregnating some other women while she was still barely more than a toddler. Seems he put his dick before his child's emotional wellbeing though.

It's not 'obviously'. It's one possible interpretation and not enough to justify a nasty 'I can see why he broke up with you', which itself is an assumption on your part, which adds to the sense that you're projecting.

No she’s not thinking about the child at all, if she was she wouldn’t be so eager to tell her that they’ve broken up.

She’s obviously trying to cause trouble between her ex and the girls mum, but at the expensive of the girl which is awful.

Dad is trying to reduce as much emotional harm to the child by making slow changes and it’s not for OP or anyone else to go against that.

Although I agree there is little you can do for this little girl now you have split, it must be hard.

Had you posted your Mother bought token Christmas gifts for your step child yet spent triple on her biological grandchild or your sister didn't invite your step daughter to her wedding only her biological niece, posters would be up in arms. They be pushing you to go no contact, low contact or boycott. So many now saying not your child, none of your business, dont overstep the parent's decision and questioning your motives. Amazing how quickly you are supposed to drop the rope and walk away without a backward glance

I can't ever imagine being a step parent. Good luck OP

You don't know that he broke up with her and it's a rude and misunderstanding take from thereonin. You may be right that it's the dad's call, but she's only thinking of the little girl, hardly a mean self-serving take that needs admonishing.

The child will tell her mother.

I can see why he broke up with you.

She’s not your child so I don’t know why you think you have a right to disregard her parents wishes or pressure him into doing something he doesn’t think is right for his DD.

He is doing what he thinks will be less damaging to his child and you want to go against that?

I think he is doing the right thing by doing it slowly.
She will get used to not seeing you as much and then it won’t be such a big change for her.

It sounds like you want to shit stir between him and his ex.

He is handling this badly - but he is the parent so it’s up to him unfortunately.

will you still occasionally get to see the little girl? Maybe when he comes to collect the baby?

you ex is a fool - I am sure she has already said her dad is living with her nana and she hasn’t seen you. Her mum knows exactly what is going on.

@Shatteredallthetimelately
Don’t think the op was married.

Unfortunately you don't get a say, she's not yours. The poor little thing with a father like that. Didn't you have doubts when a man who already had a toddler with one woman was then having a baby with another?

Even though you were married to her dad she's not your child.

Unless you're still seeing your step daughter and spending time with her I'd leave it for him to sort out.

Don't do anything.
She likely already feels rejection thanks to her father seeing her for 4 days a month.

Will the deadbeat be parenting your child as little as this, too?

Sadly this is none of your business now so you can’t and shouldn’t do anything.
I was in the same situation and loved my ex’s DC. I’m sure she’s either heard nothing or a version that paints him as the victim and me the issue given he never took any responsibility for his actions. But she’s not stupid and she’s much older. She’ll make her own mind up about what he’s like before too long. She knows we got on well and I was a good role model for her.
Don’t get involved. It won’t end well.

I would send a message to DSDs mum saying you've broken up but obviously still love DSD and would be happy to meet up with her, mum and your DC sometimes. It's your child's sibling not just an ex step child so makes sense to try and keep bonds there if mum is happy with it.

Agreeing with the others. Strange you would want to sit down with somebody especially a child you've known for what 5 years ? (Assuming you've been together as long she's been born) & Tell them about their father's relationship ?

& Are you close to her mother ? Will her mother "offer extra support" because her ex's has gotten somebody else pregnant & ended that relationship aswell ??

If thats the genuine concern & out come contact her about it not a child

Not your child, not your rules I’m afraid.

Sorry about your breakup, it’s not an easy thing to navigate with stepchildren thrown into the mix.

Yeah. A sorry state of affairs. Keep things on an even keel as much as you can OP.

She's not your child so it is nothing to do with you.

But when father moves on to woman 3 or 4, and the women all start having children with other men it just gets even messier.

Yep. And the op’s daughter could end up in the same situation as the 5 year old.

You can’t pressure him to do anything, it’s his decision. As you have to coparent the baby with him I definitely wouldn’t inflame things by dobbing him in to his ex, really not your place.

What a fucking mess. Poor children. OP can offer some consistency to this poor 5 year old who has already in her short life known her father with two different women. But when father moves on to woman 3 or 4, and the women all start having children with other men it just gets even messier.

She should be told I agree but it’s her dad’s choice (even if he’s being a bit silly about it!) Your baby is her half-sibling (?) so it’s not like you’ll never see her or her dad ever again either which would be different. She’ll be involved in future birthdays, etc potentially so might see you then which is why a “good split” for the child is quite important now. Do you get on or speak to her Nana - I’d approach her and explain your worries but not the child’s mum.