Heard a rumour about long term partner [Content warning added by MNHQ: concerns rape]

A changed man??? Dear lord even if he did it just the once to one lady hes a vile rapist forever.

I'd mention it to him you need open and honesty as this will play in your mind. If he's been OK with u for 5 years I'd go on how he treats you and your kids.

There’s got to be more context to this. You’ve been with this man for five years and chosen to have children, plural, with him. You’ve never had any reason until now to suspect anything bad of him, until suddenly a friend’s partner chooses to make an allegation, out of the blue in the middle of the pub or wherever, along with telling you that everyone thinks he’s also had sex with his sister, and you completely believe everything she’s saying whilst also asking whether you should just keep it “locked up in his past”?

that he has been accused around 3 times but no one has take this to the police.

if no one’s reported anything would it be on Claire’s law?

If you already believe her you don’t trust your DH wouldn’t do it, reason for going lack of trust. I’d personally ask him about it

Don't ask him. He will either lie or be dumbfounded and both of those present as the same answer. Don't ask him.

You say this woman is a friends partner? Can you contact her again, find out more detail of the other women it happened too? Hear their stories? Do the Claires law request.

Say nothing to him.

This

I have a friend whose ex has been accused of rape by several women. It started coming out because one of the women went to the police. Who were typically useless and did nothing. Didn't make it to court. But others have since talked about their experiences with him.

My friend won't accept he's a rapist, because she's still friends with him, and it didn't happen to her.

We have to stand with and believe women. It's all we've got in a patriarchal society which doesn't deal with male violence against women.

Defo do the Claire's Law thing but i'm confused by the fact the friendship group are still friends. Would you be friends with someone who slept with their sibling?! or raped another member of the friendship group. And why tell after 5 yrs?

Because after 5 years and kids it’s hard to just up and leave , nevermind she’s still processing all this awful information and what it all means .

If you believe it then you have to break up with him as soon as possible.
I do wonder WHY you find it so easy to believe though, is there something that makes you think its true?

I had my skirt lifted and was groped in a public place by several strangers—they swarmed in. I never reported it—it was before mobile phones, and I had no idea who the hell they were. I definitely do believe women, even if they didn’t report it to the police. The main disappointment here is that nobody told you until 5 years in. This would piss me off.

Agree

Presumably because she's found herself in a very distressing situation and is trying to process it.

If you've automatically gone to " it's true" then you obviously have good reason for that. I don't think a person capable of rape can change and become a good person. You need to prioritise your safety and leave. I could never get past this.

What a horrible situation to be in.

As other people have mentioned, do a Clare's Law disclosure request https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-abuse-bill-2020-factsheets/domestic-violence-disclosure-scheme-factsheet

If you believe her I think the most important thing is to make sure that you and your kids are safe and to leave this man.

If this woman is someone you know can you do a bit of investigating with others to find out whether she has any history of making false allegations and/or being unstable? I tend to always want to believe the victims in these cases but it is also worth making sure she is not the local trouble maker...

If you genuinely believe he did it then why are you on here on a Sunday morning asking strangers if rapists can change, and whether you should brush it under the carpet?

Is this is a wind up? If so it’s pretty sick.

Very brave of that woman to tell you imo. He will deny it regardless, ime men accused of these types of crimes often don't recognise that they've even committed a crime.
Not sure what to advise you OP. Has he ever been violent or aggressive towards you?

They have kids together, it’s not that simple.

If you believe her , then this relationship is dead. This is not a youthful indiscretion/stupidity and something you grow out of , or change. Can you even be in the same room as him, laughing, talking about mundane things, nevermind intimacy, knowing what he did?

Okay well if it's true I don't see how you can trust him again.

Brave lady by the way. She looked out for you , she risked being ostracised. She’s a good one.

There's no point asking him. If he's innocent he'll deny it. If he's guilty he'll still deny it.

There are two things you can do.

One, as suggested by PP, request information under Clare's Law in case someone had made a complaint https://www.police.uk/rqo/request/ri/request-information/cl/triage/v2/request-information-under-clares-law/

Two,, think about his attitude to consent and his sexual behaviour with you.

Contact your local police on their non-energy number. Some Police Forces will have the option to contact them via email or text too

Honestly, if you believe her does it matter if he’s changed or not?!
I could never be with a rapist, even if he’s “changed”.

Why speak to him? You risk making him angry. He’s only going to deny it. Say it’s not working for you and be done with him.