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Original poster

Heard a rumour about long term partner [Content warning added by MNHQ: concerns rape]

234 replies

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 09:28

I have been with my partner for 5 years we have children together. It all happened really fast but we make the best of it. His family is very full of drama but it never involves DP so I just listen and move on. He is 40 - I am late 30s same as the women below.

Last night we were out and a women came up to me and told me that 20 years ago my DP forced himself on her pushed her head down and had sex with her. She then said it was rape but she has moved on now. And that he has been accused around 3 times but no one has take this to the police. I was obviously speechless. She then said there was a rumour he had sex with his sister! By this point I am processing alot.

I dont know whether to ask my DP about this or find out more information or just keep it locked up in his past.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 27/04/2025 11:05

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

So he’s raped you as well so it’s not difficult to believe you’re not his first victim.

You can’t stay with this man and bring up children under the same roof of a serial rapist.

Please talk to someone and get your ducks in a row to leave this repulsive sex offender.

Hastentoadd · 27/04/2025 11:05

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 09:28

I have been with my partner for 5 years we have children together. It all happened really fast but we make the best of it. His family is very full of drama but it never involves DP so I just listen and move on. He is 40 - I am late 30s same as the women below.

Last night we were out and a women came up to me and told me that 20 years ago my DP forced himself on her pushed her head down and had sex with her. She then said it was rape but she has moved on now. And that he has been accused around 3 times but no one has take this to the police. I was obviously speechless. She then said there was a rumour he had sex with his sister! By this point I am processing alot.

I dont know whether to ask my DP about this or find out more information or just keep it locked up in his past.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

Aside from this, how is he as a partner and father?

Imbusytodaysorry · 27/04/2025 11:05

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 11:04

I dont believe he slept with his sister.

But i believe the girl didnt consent

Show quote history

Did he really sleep with his sister or did he rape her too is more a question .

researchers3 · 27/04/2025 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Does it now? 🙄
I'm really not getting that, I have to say.

whistlesandbells · 27/04/2025 11:04

Christ what an update! You need strong advice and protection. This is awful. I am so sorry for you and your children.

men like this are dangerous if you try to leave. Be smart. Keep your children close.

Original poster
BM1987 · 27/04/2025 11:04

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/04/2025 10:27

There’s got to be more context to this. You’ve been with this man for five years and chosen to have children, plural, with him. You’ve never had any reason until now to suspect anything bad of him, until suddenly a friend’s partner chooses to make an allegation, out of the blue in the middle of the pub or wherever, along with telling you that everyone thinks he’s also had sex with his sister, and you completely believe everything she’s saying whilst also asking whether you should just keep it “locked up in his past”?

I dont believe he slept with his sister.

But i believe the girl didnt consent

OP posts:
IttyBittyLittleKitty · 27/04/2025 11:03

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

I'm not one for immediately believing something but I think with this post of yours that sadly you know the answer as to whether this woman is speaking the truth. I would ask to speak to her again and ask for details of other women or if she can pass your info on to them and ask them to contact you. Perhaps you could find strength together to either report together for the first time or add your report if others already have.

researchers3 · 27/04/2025 11:03

KitsyWitsy · 27/04/2025 09:42

How awful. Find out his side but I wouldn't be surprised if it was both true and there was no record of it by the police. There are several men that assaulted and raped me when I was younger, just walking about living their lives. I never bothered reporting anything. They just get away with it don't they? For me, the price of reporting it was too high and no payoff.

Sorry to hear this Kitsy. I get it. I've had things happen over the years, including my now ex H. I've never reported it either as i know nothing would happen and I couldn't do it to my children.

Original poster
BM1987 · 27/04/2025 11:03

toomuchfaff · 27/04/2025 09:59

Don't ask him. He will either lie or be dumbfounded and both of those present as the same answer. Don't ask him.

You say this woman is a friends partner? Can you contact her again, find out more detail of the other women it happened too? Hear their stories? Do the Claires law request.

Say nothing to him.

Good idea. I will message her in the week and see if she will meet up

OP posts:
GeorgianaM · 27/04/2025 11:02

For ^

GeorgianaM · 27/04/2025 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/04/2025 11:02

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

I'm so sorry, OP. So you already knew that he was a rapist, and this has just confirmed that he has done it to other women as well.

The question is, are you going to carry on living with a serial rapist?

ThisChirpyFox · 27/04/2025 11:02

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

Bloody hell op - I hope you are okay? Look you do need to be worried, especially if you have daughters. Ask him to move out for a few days or move to family. This is not the man you want to be around you and your children.

Men like this will never change. Tell someone you are close to - this is all too much to deal with yourself and please don't feel ashamed or worried. You have done nothing wrong.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 27/04/2025 11:02

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

Hells teeth! That is some update OP. You have to leave him. You have to and I would speak to the others and see if you can get a conviction.

Sorry you are experiencing this.

Original poster
BM1987 · 27/04/2025 11:01

meevee · 27/04/2025 09:53

Defo do the Claire's Law thing but i'm confused by the fact the friendship group are still friends. Would you be friends with someone who slept with their sibling?! or raped another member of the friendship group. And why tell after 5 yrs?

This also confused me. Her husband is very good friends with DP. And why not tell me sooner. Why now!

OP posts:
chachahide · 27/04/2025 11:01

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

So he's raped you as well Op? I'm so sorry, what a disgusting man. You've got everything you need to just leave him and protect yourself and DC.

Butchyrestingface · 27/04/2025 11:01

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

So you know the rumours are likely true. Whether the part about the sister is true, the rest of it is so you have to decide whether to stick with someone who has raped you and very likely done the same to other women.

ZekeZeke · 27/04/2025 11:01

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

He raped you and you are questioning whether he could also have done that to a stranger? ‘Em, yeah!

BumbleBeegu · 27/04/2025 11:01

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 27/04/2025 10:27

I'd mention it to him you need open and honesty as this will play in your mind. If he's been OK with u for 5 years I'd go on how he treats you and your kids.

Even if it turns out to be true? Your bar is so low it’s buried! 🤦‍♀️

TheMimsy · 27/04/2025 11:00

@BM1987 so has raped you. He’s raped other women.

next steps - I wouldn’t approach him.

Id look at support options both personal and professional and a plan to get him out of your home/life.

Endofyear · 27/04/2025 11:00

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

Well if this is the case, you need to leave. He is a rapist and he hasn't changed. Do you have family support or good friends who can help and support you? For your children and yourself you need to get away from him.

Imbusytodaysorry · 27/04/2025 11:00

BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

Show quote history

wtaf!
@BM1987 op you have to say nothing to him and get your head together. .
If start with a Claire’s law request. .
Id also speak to the female again in private maybe you can both report to the police together.
What are your home arrangements and your financial situation?
If he is charged and you are on a rental can you keep the rental on as he won’t be allowed to return .

You are loving with a serial rapist.
He hasn’t changed and he never will .

Original poster
BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:59

Coolasfeck · 27/04/2025 09:48

If you genuinely believe he did it then why are you on here on a Sunday morning asking strangers if rapists can change, and whether you should brush it under the carpet?

Is this is a wind up? If so it’s pretty sick.

Go away your sick accusing me of a fake post

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 27/04/2025 10:59

So many questions to ask. All are relevant.

Also, how is your DH with alcohol?
Does he abuse alcohol?
Would they all have been drunk as skunks?

Was this woman drunk when she told you?
You need honest answers to the right questions.

Original poster
BM1987 · 27/04/2025 10:58

Radionowhere · 27/04/2025 09:48

Very brave of that woman to tell you imo. He will deny it regardless, ime men accused of these types of crimes often don't recognise that they've even committed a crime.
Not sure what to advise you OP. Has he ever been violent or aggressive towards you?

Edited

When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born. He never done anything since to me similer.

OP posts:
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