Heard a rumour about long term partner [Content warning added by MNHQ: concerns rape]

Anyone on this forum can ask any questions that they like!?!?!

It doesn’t matter whether YOU think they are suitable or not !!!

So you know already that he is a rapist. He raped a pregnant woman, you.

Other allegations that are coming up are corroboration that it wasn't a one off, carried away by passion, or whatever bullshit he frames it as.
He has form and hasn't changed (if rapists ever change, which I doubt)

I am sorry to read this OP, you must be feeling so devastated and alone.
I hope you will continue to gain support from the wise women on this thread while you decide what to do. (apart from the obvious man apologists)

I do wonder why this woman chose now to reveal things to you (I mention this because without being sure of her motivation, you might be better not to see her as a source of support)

I get that it might not be possible to just up and leave with no money, no accommodation and children to consider, but please be careful about interaction with him, if you need to stay for the time being and make long term plans.
Leaving is always a dangerous time.

Let’s not be mean to the OP , she’s also a victim of rape from this man , and is trying to process what to do.
could you tell your mum , if this happened to my eldest I don’t care about her having money or no money why I would want her and her kids with me so I know they’re safe.
don’t let him know anything , you need to keep you and your children safe then contact the women’s aid nearest to you for advice to move forward.
be strong op and keep as safe as you can to get away from this evil man

OP, you have sons.

Please think about the influences that you want in their lives as they grow up. Are you OK with them getting their values and attitudes towards women from a serial rapist?

You, and they, deserve better than this horrible man. Please get away as soon as you can.

I have my mum but its not simple to leave. I would have to save money first

My advice talk to your Mum so you have RL support and start making a plan to leave.

You mean aside from raping the OP and at least one woman she knows? Yes, OP, does he do the dishes? That's what matters!

JFC OP - he raped you while you were pregnant and you’re questioning whether you should meet up with this woman to ask more about what happened to her, do a Claire’s Law and whether it’s all in the past and you can put it behind you?

You don’t need a Claire’s Law disclosure. You need to go to the police and leave the rapist.

He's not a changed man though is he, as he has also raped you.
This should be reported to the police, however long ago it was.
Why are you still with someone who has raped you?

Given the update - I missed - you need to leave you know he's a rapist.

Not sure how yoy protect your DS with such an influence in their lives - but I don't think you can stay at all - it's not safe for you.

I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born.

The first or the second child?

I'd believe what the woman said OP. He raped you too. Don't tell your DH that you know, it would be unsafe for you. I think you should start making plans to leave him.

This.

I watched my parents belive ananonymous stranger phoning with alligations rather than my brother. My brother was no saint and was doing other bad things but those allegations weren't really credible but fitted with parents lack of trust in him- turns out the were complete nonsense obvious to me but caused a further breakdown in the relationship much to saintfaction of individual behind calls which came out much later.

We've had it with professionals usual MN why would they lie - no clue at time but asking questions when things didn't add up lead to proof of lies and consequences - once you find a lie it tends to lead to a lack of crediblity going forward.

For some reaons the OP has judged the friends parenter as more credible than her DP - and frankly that's not a sign of a good relationship and does suggest more is wrong.

Not sure confronting DP will do anything guilty or innocent he'lll deny but I think long term this relationship is really in trouble.

That’s quite the drip feed there OP.

So you know that he’s a rapist, and yet you’re asking on here whether rapists can change and whether this woman should be believed?

TBH it doesn’t matter whether you believe her or not. You know that he’s a rapist because he raped you. So the rest from a believeability POV is irrelevant.

I agree.
Claires law.
Can you fabricate a reason to get away with your kids?
You can't stay. Hes a danger to you and maybe any female children you have?

Why would that matter? He’s a serial rapist - nothing rise is relevant unless youth n it’s ok to start with a man who has raped you as long as he’s good with the kids and pays the bills

He forced himself on you - so you believe her and he hasnt changed. Start planning your exit.

Sounds like you should RTFT.

It really doesn’t - firstly that’s a disgusting allegation to make if untrue, secondly given OP’s update that he raped her too it makes it very likely, thirdly how could you even think someone would say such a thing.

It will be her word against his. You seem to believe her, there must be a reason for that?

And that’s why you believed her straight away. Because he raped you too. Because he has form. Because he hasn’t changed, and I bet there are a lot more red flags in your relationship, even if not specifically rape.

Don’t say anything. Start making concrete, clear plans to leave. Do you have any friends or family you can lean on for support?