Heard a rumour about long term partner [Content warning added by MNHQ: concerns rape]

The pay off would have been that in future other women would have been able to see your accusations when they do Clare's law checks.

So you do KNOW he's a rapist.

It's genuinely sad that you have still come here, after knowing what he is capable of and hearing he has done it to other women, asking if he 'can change'.

You are raising kids with a rapist.

You need to let that sink in, get a backbone and get yourself and your kids as far away from this 'man' as possible.

People now know that you know and will absolutely judge you for staying with him. Even worse, you will internally judge yourself.

HE RAPED YOU WHILE YOU WERE PREGNANT!! Do you see how bad this is, OP? Because WE all see it very clearly!

I'm sorry if I'm being forceful, but you need shaking out of the thick fog of denial you've been living in for seemingly years.

He will not change. He is what he is. He should be in prison.

Have you both read all of the OPs posts?
He raped her when she was pregnant.
She has EVERY reason to believe this poor woman. The OP is a victim herself.

OP no rapists don’t change. Please leave him and please report it to the police. You don’t even have to pursue a conviction but it will show up in future if any other partners do a Clare’s law request.

Why? What's the point? He raped you, they all you really need to know. Why would her rape matter more? Why put her through a grilling?

You don't need her to prove anything to you because he has done it to you too.

He raped you so stands to reason her raped her and others.
Very understandable that you are struggling to fix the words 'my partner, my child's father, is a sexual predator and a rapist', but you know he is. You need professional help in coming to terms with what he has done to you and in getting away from him

Just seen your post, so you believe her because he raped you too OP. I think you need to leave, no ifs no buts , and if you feel strong enough report to the police.

So you know what he is like. I don’t see why you need confirmation from any other woman or from the police. What he did to you tells you all you need to know. It doesn’t matter than he hasn’t done it since. Once is enough.

OP has said he has also raped her.

This. He sounds violent. No inclination in all the time you've been with him of any violence whatsoever?

This^

You say you believe her so there must be a reason that you believe some random stranger over your own partner.

If this happened to me I would be absolutely adamant that it was a lie because I know and trust my DH and I know its something he would never do. But I would of course, take it to him and we would talk it through. If at that point I had any doubts about the man I married we would be well and truly over. No way am I staying married to a rapist!! But I wouldn't just automatically believe it. The fact that you do tells me there is a reason that you believe her.

You don't know if what she said was true - the point about incest is very extreme, and if it was the case, how would she know? This could be one of the very rare cases where the woman is making it up.

I think you need to talk to your DP, put a Claire's law request in, and if you're close to any of the other women in the group, ask her about the woman who made the allegations.

I wouldn't explode my life right away based on something someone said in a pub.

This comment tells me you know the accusations are true.
I don’t think it’s safe for you to approach it with him directly. I also don’t think this is a sustainable long term relationship for you. I know that’s easy for someone on MN to say, but that’s 4 times he’s been violent that you know of. Do you have family you can speak to, or better still can you go for coffee with this person that told you. Clearly they have confided in you for a reason.

Sorry if I have misread or if this has been asked - where was your DP when this woman approached you? We're you out with him?. Is there a chance he knows what she said.

Make sure you're on foolproof contraception while you decide your next steps.

You really don't want to be in a situation of having a little girl to worry about, whether he's present in the home or if you split. (I hope you find the strength to end the relationship.)

I think you should speak to Rape Crisis and get some support.

You could also consider reporting the rape.

How awful. Reading your update about what he did to you I would really give some thought to reporting him to the police. If you just separate from him you won’t be able to put restrictions on him seeing the children but if you make the report then you would have grounds to safeguard them and keep him away as he really doesn’t sound like someone to have your children around.

This. Do some calm and legal digging and then decide once you have more information. Don’t risk him exploding or covering his tracks.
Try to find the truth.
i read your update that he raped you when pregnant. I hope you can get help and leave. You don’t want your boys growing up with his morals as an example.
Make a plan to leave safely with support, if the truth is worse than you already know.

OP, you believe her because he also raped you. It doesn’t matter if he has “changed” you should not be with a rapist.

The advice about doing a Claire’s Law application is pointless - if no one ever reported him to the police they will hold no information so it will come back clear. That does NOT mean he is innocent. You know he isn’t because of what he did to you.

I think better advice is to do the Freedom Programme. I bet there is more about his behaviour that you are minimising as a coping mechanism. The Freedom Programme will help you recognise that and break free.

I’m so sorry you are going through this OP. He is an absolute bastard and a criminal and none of this is your fault. Best of luck.

It seems you’ve already answered your own questions. Your DP is a rapist and hasn’t changed, I suspect that the only reason he hasn’t raped you again is because you haven’t said No to him again.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, please start planning an exit strategy. Time enough to decide whether you want to go to the police once you are safely away.

Don’t approach him on the subject at all as it will potentially put you and the other women at risk of further harm.

I’m sorry this also happened to you and likely why you know she was telling the truth about him being a rapist.

You could report what happened to you and or ask the police about any reports, but unfortunately a lot of women are too scared to report thinking it might only be them and knowing the justice system works poorly.

He forced himself on you while you were pregnant? That in itself is more than you need to make a decision, especially for the safety of your children and yourself!

Hello @BM1987

I am sorry you were raped by your partner and that he has done this to multiple women.

He hasn’t changed because he raped her and you believe her because he raped you while pregnant.

You need to start planning to leave to protect yourself. You also need to protect your sons as long exposure to a rapist will warp their view and treatment of women.

There are lots of domestic abuse resources on here and I’d recommend calling Women’s Aid. You need to keep yourself safe and remove yourself as soon as possible.

Staying will harm your children and limit your own life. Please don’t think it’s the better option.

Best wishes.

He has r*ped you whilst you were pregnant....he is a scumbag that wont change...so why would you even need to find out this information?....it's pretty obvious OP leave him! Feel like you're looking for excuses to stay with him. There are good men out there...you don't need him.

Title is a bit misleading. You’ve been told, and believe, that your DP raped a woman and that she may not be the only one? I do wonder why this woman, who you know, waited until 5 years into your relationship to tell you but perhaps she hasn’t really been able to move on or has started therapy recently.

Either way, I agree you need to do a Clare’s law enquiry and you need to think about whether, given you believe this woman, you should remain with him. For reference, I absolutely would not believe a woman who accused my partner of many years of such a vile act, so the fact that you do raises questions as to whether - really, in your heart of hearts - you do trust him and feel him to be a good person.

If your DP's friend's partner knew about the sister , she must have been told by the partner so it's common knowledge, as the family obviously know too .

I'm not sure if that's true , but the other information she gave you, re other women, plus your own experience , can't just be left . You need to find out more from the partner of DP's friend.