Heard a rumour about long term partner [Content warning added by MNHQ: concerns rape]

the person leaving OP in a difficult position is her rapist partner.

it’s not the other woman’s job to stop it happening to anyone else. She didn’t need to say it.

can you afford some counselling OP? Seems like you might have a fair bit to work through here ans an impartial ear can really help.

He doesn't sound like a safe man to be around. That said, you aren't reacting to something that just happened to you so take your time to figure out your next steps, but be careful as he is obviously violent if capabale.of rape. Maybe speak to a charity like women's aid for some advice. I would also document the rape from when you were pregnant with as much detail as possible, and the information the friend gave you. Save in a draft email or document that he can't find.

Again….it’s a forum where anyone can ask whatever questions that they like

Yes, I have since. Would have been beneficial to have that info in the OP...

And you need to understand that he raped OP while she was pregnant. What questions about him as a husband and father do you think are relevant to that ?

Sorry OP but I could never look at him the same.

Read OP’s updates. It would appear that her DH raped her while she was pregnant.

This! 👏👏

She’s definitely brave. It would have been looking out for the OP if she’d told her before she’d had the rapists children though unless she’d never had any contact with her before. Telling her after has left OP in a really difficult position

@BM1987
My ex husband raped me on two occasions. I stayed because of the children and managed to forget about it for years. It wasn't normal rape....
Relationships where you share children are very difficult to leave.
You have my sympathy for a very difficult situation.
The very best of luck sorting out how to proceed.

Being as he raped you and you know he's a rapist already, you don't really need to do Claire's law. Just get yourself out of there with your children. Don't say a word about why. Just go.

Her and my DP were talking normal as though they are friends etc. Its a head fuck

Maybe it’s a coping mechanism, maybe it’s what she has to accept if she wants to continue a relationship with his friend? All sorts of possible reasons and tbh they aren’t really your business, she may decide to explain if you sit down and talk but she doesn’t have to.

Just as you had your own reasons for staying with him after he raped you. Can you not see that if they didn’t know your reasons people might be confused why you stayed with him?

I hope you get the support you need to leave him

I wouldnt see her as a source of support at this point. Her story adds up but the behaviour around it doesnt.

With respect, OP - he raped you and you stayed with him and had another child.

Do you really find it so unbelievable that another woman chose not to go to the Police and smoothed the whole thing over when you did the exact same thing?

You are literally saying you believe he raped her but you don't approve of her behaviour afterwards.

How would you feel if someone said the same to you?

Victim blaming is never ok.

so sorry you’re going through this.

i think you need to look at her reaction to this in a similar way to how you reacted.

she probably also struggled to process it- perhaps they were dating? He was a friend? They were drunk and she tried to minimise it?

I’m guessing she has had therapy and has realised this was rape, has found out about others, and has decided to tell you. It’s possible her DP doesn’t know about it.

if this was 20 years ago, she was a teenager.

Wow

I'd be taking it seriously. After all, why would she lie? Especially as you move in similar social circles - she's got a lot more to lose in that case.

Of course, it could be all bollocks, or a horrible misunderstanding, but you deserve to be armed with all the facts.

WTF?!?….I did, this is a forum where anyone can ask questions so you really need to understand this and calm down

Wtf. At least read the OP's posts.

You need to leave this man. He isn't safe. He will not be safe around your children. Get therapy, make a plan to leave him as safely as possible.

Sorry your DP has also raped you. You now know he is a serial rapist. You are not safe from this man. You deserve better.

You need to tell your mum to get real life support, you need to call rape crisis and woman's aid to find out what support there is for you and your child to get away from this man as soon as possible. It is going to be hard, no-one is doubting that, but you do need to act.

''@BM1987
When I was pregnant he forced hinself on me. I said no. He carried on. I told him this was not right he raped me and I didnt speak to him again until after our child was born.''

I already commented but after your update it is clear that the man is a rapist simply based on what he did to you and you should leave him ASAP to protect yourself and your kids.

I think in your shoes I might even consider getting in touch with these other women (his sister, the woman who approach you and any other women she might be able to name) and jointly inform the police.

He’s a rapist. You leave him.