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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off!

110 replies

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:49

Every single week children’s dad is late picking them up, I start work at 7:30 on a Sunday and he started picking them up at 8:30 so I changed it to then and now he still isn’t here even though I rang him to wake him up! The kids are at the window waiting for him and he turned it on me saying I need to get checked out for a mental health issue as I cannot deal with lateness! No I am just sick of this every single week!

OP posts:
itispersonal · 27/04/2025 09:31

Morningup · 27/04/2025 08:55

We need to know what kind of father he is before you dish out advice like this

he could just leave them on their own

how old are they op?
what is he like generally as a father?

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It’s not advice!
It’s tongue in cheek if she wanted to be petty!

Inertia · 27/04/2025 09:30

Keep a log of the actual pick up times.

He’s doing this on purpose to make life difficult for you, so he isn’t going to change. You might have to go to court.

Alternatively, is there a nearby relative who would be happy to take the children on a Sunday morning for a couple of hours, so if he’s late he has to collect them from there?

itispersonal · 27/04/2025 09:30

ScrewedByFunding · 27/04/2025 09:14

You might need to work on your maths 😂

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It’s still early for adding!

but the principle of the message stood! Before the update of it being a 2 night weekly visit.

Morningup · 27/04/2025 09:26

What he like with maintenance?

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:21

He is just odd, he just kept saying I really don’t want to be speaking to you, just turn up on time then! Christ sake

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:20

Toomanydogwalks · 27/04/2025 09:20

Can you change the contact times so he picks up from school and drops them to school? No need to come to your house then and he can’t mess about with the times.

As he can’t have them on a Saturday etc I don’t see how that could work. I would rather that then deal with this though.

OP posts:
Toomanydogwalks · 27/04/2025 09:20

Can you change the contact times so he picks up from school and drops them to school? No need to come to your house then and he can’t mess about with the times.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:16

He has just picked them up now

OP posts:
ScrewedByFunding · 27/04/2025 09:14

itispersonal · 27/04/2025 08:55

Be out when he drops them off and be as late as he was picking them up! If you want to be petty (though not fair on the kids) or could say you didn’t pick them up til 9 you would have them for 7 hours so drop off it’s at 6pm. See you at 6pm kids have a lovely time with dad and shut the door.

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You might need to work on your maths 😂

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:12

I don’t understand in what world he thinks I care when I am ringing him when he is late to pick the kids up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:11

stayathomegardener · 27/04/2025 09:10

Can you arrange for a backup friend or parent to pick them up just before your job starts?
Sorry you weren’t here on time I had to make other arrangements.
Think of it as retraining the controlling idiot. I reckon it would only need to happen twice.
Ultimately you need a court ordered schedule to hold him to.

He said that, he said we don’t have a court order so I just said yes not yet we don’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:10

I did check with a solicitor and apparently it isn’t a legal requirement, I just wish he wasn’t late every single week. Honestly he has never once been early or on time, he hasn’t seen them or spoke to them since Tuesday so you would think he wouldn’t be able to wait to see them.

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 27/04/2025 09:10

Can you arrange for a backup friend or parent to pick them up just before your job starts?
Sorry you weren’t here on time I had to make other arrangements.
Think of it as retraining the controlling idiot. I reckon it would only need to happen twice.
Ultimately you need a court ordered schedule to hold him to.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:09

Morningup · 27/04/2025 09:09

How old are the children?

Too young to mention where he lives?

Yes they are 4 and 7. I know the area but not where he lives.

OP posts:
Morningup · 27/04/2025 09:09

How old are the children?

Too young to mention where he lives?

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:01

AndImBrit · 27/04/2025 08:58

He’s not a good dad. Can we please move the bar on what a good dad is.

A man who consistently gives up time with their children by being late but returning them on time and by refusing to have them on a Saturday is it interferes with his social plans, and who makes the kids’ mum late to work regularly, therefore jeopardising her job and the income that supports their kids is not a good dad. It’s not even a good uncle. It’s just a man who is alright with kids in short doses.

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It’s like he likes winding me up and me calling it’s so odd!

OP posts:
AndImBrit · 27/04/2025 08:58

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:55

He has always been lazy hence why I left him. Never on time for literally anything, the most unreliable person ever. He is a good dad but it is not on that we agree a time and I even made it an hour later and he is still late! He has sleep apnea so blames it on that a lot but he is lazy and he starts saying that I still care about him when I ring him when he is late, he is deluded

Show quote history

He’s not a good dad. Can we please move the bar on what a good dad is.

A man who consistently gives up time with their children by being late but returning them on time and by refusing to have them on a Saturday is it interferes with his social plans, and who makes the kids’ mum late to work regularly, therefore jeopardising her job and the income that supports their kids is not a good dad. It’s not even a good uncle. It’s just a man who is alright with kids in short doses.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:58

Morningup · 27/04/2025 08:57

What is the split?

He has them 2 nights per week. Sunday-Tuesday I pick them up from school on a Tuesday

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:57

If I agreed a time to pick the kids up I would be there. It’s as simple as that really.

OP posts:
Morningup · 27/04/2025 08:57

What is the split?

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:56

Morningup · 27/04/2025 08:55

Well that puts a rather disturbing slant on things op

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He has always made out that I am the problem but I don’t think I am.

OP posts:
Kittyfluff · 27/04/2025 08:56

...and there we go...controlling. That is what it's about. Totally and completely. It's a control tactic and doesn't matter what time is set, he will breach it. What a bastard.

alcoholnightmare · 27/04/2025 08:56

Don’t answer the door Saturday night. He’s on his own.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:55

Morningup · 27/04/2025 08:53

What’s he like as a dad generally?

He has always been lazy hence why I left him. Never on time for literally anything, the most unreliable person ever. He is a good dad but it is not on that we agree a time and I even made it an hour later and he is still late! He has sleep apnea so blames it on that a lot but he is lazy and he starts saying that I still care about him when I ring him when he is late, he is deluded

OP posts:
Morningup · 27/04/2025 08:55

itispersonal · 27/04/2025 08:55

Be out when he drops them off and be as late as he was picking them up! If you want to be petty (though not fair on the kids) or could say you didn’t pick them up til 9 you would have them for 7 hours so drop off it’s at 6pm. See you at 6pm kids have a lovely time with dad and shut the door.

Show quote history

We need to know what kind of father he is before you dish out advice like this

he could just leave them on their own

how old are they op?
what is he like generally as a father?