Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off!

110 replies

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:49

Every single week children’s dad is late picking them up, I start work at 7:30 on a Sunday and he started picking them up at 8:30 so I changed it to then and now he still isn’t here even though I rang him to wake him up! The kids are at the window waiting for him and he turned it on me saying I need to get checked out for a mental health issue as I cannot deal with lateness! No I am just sick of this every single week!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 10:36

SipandClean · 27/04/2025 10:34

I would stop contacting him on a Sunday morning. Get the kids ready and give them their ipads and a snack or sit them in front of the tv. The more you show it bothers you, the more he will like it.

But why? It’s so utterly bizarre and makes no sense as the only person he is hurting here is the kids.

OP posts:
SipandClean · 27/04/2025 10:34

I would stop contacting him on a Sunday morning. Get the kids ready and give them their ipads and a snack or sit them in front of the tv. The more you show it bothers you, the more he will like it.

Nominative · 27/04/2025 10:31

What would happen if you just stopped phoning to wake him up? I suspect he would get later and later till the whole thing tailed off and stopped, which would be a pain but at least you would know where you are.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 10:19

Poppyseeds79 · 27/04/2025 10:17

The not knowing where he lives is bizarre. Surely if there's an accident or emergency you need to know where the kids are? He sounds like a controlling dick who doesn't have the kids best interest at heart.

I don’t understand how he thinks he is right it makes absolutely no sense to me, how can I possibly be the problem?

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 27/04/2025 10:17

The not knowing where he lives is bizarre. Surely if there's an accident or emergency you need to know where the kids are? He sounds like a controlling dick who doesn't have the kids best interest at heart.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 10:12

Bumblebeestiltskin · 27/04/2025 10:11

Can you just go out for a an hour at his drop off time?

Show quote history

I pick them up from school on a Tuesday so that isn’t an option

OP posts:
Bumblebeestiltskin · 27/04/2025 10:11

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:52

He is never late dropping them off! I’m furious that he turned it on me.

Show quote history

Can you just go out for a an hour at his drop off time?

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 10:09

Does he want me to take him to court you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:55

Going a bit off topic here but CMS have said his first payment is 1/06, what about mays payment, will I need to chase him for it?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 27/04/2025 09:55

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:53

I don’t know if I care about what his gf thinks of me but it breaks my heart watching the kids waiting for him at the window

Show quote history

That is horrible op. But you literally have zero control over when he arrives , when he wakes up, when he drops them off.

Please try to stop reacting and be "unbothered ' when he does drop them off. Acting as if you havent noticed.
.

Notimeforaname · 27/04/2025 09:53

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:52

Maybe he wants to believe that I am obsessed with him. Don’t understand why people just don’t want an easy life

They must always be the victim. You must always be the perpetrator.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:53

Notimeforaname · 27/04/2025 09:52

He has met somebody new so I don’t think he has feelings still but I don’t understand

He'll be telling this new girlfriend all about how horrible you are and have been to him. You calling and texting will "back up" his story to her. Stop calling. Let him show up when he shows up. You're playing into his hands.
I know you have to work but thankfully you're at home and can open the door when he does drop them. Sorry it's like this.

I don’t know if I care about what his gf thinks of me but it breaks my heart watching the kids waiting for him at the window

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:52

Maybe he wants to believe that I am obsessed with him. Don’t understand why people just don’t want an easy life

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 27/04/2025 09:52

He has met somebody new so I don’t think he has feelings still but I don’t understand

He'll be telling this new girlfriend all about how horrible you are and have been to him. You calling and texting will "back up" his story to her. Stop calling. Let him show up when he shows up. You're playing into his hands.
I know you have to work but thankfully you're at home and can open the door when he does drop them. Sorry it's like this.

Notimeforaname · 27/04/2025 09:49

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:47

Why does he want to make it difficult though? It makes no sense, what if he doesn’t do it on purpose? He has met somebody new so I don’t think he has feelings still but I don’t understand

Stop asking yourself this question. It doesn't matter.

Though if you broke up with him, this will be control because of his hurt ego.

Everything will always be your fault in his eyes.
Stop reacting and calling him.
What will be will be. You cannot make him arrive on time. Showing your annoyance is what he wants.
.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:47

Why does he want to make it difficult though? It makes no sense, what if he doesn’t do it on purpose? He has met somebody new so I don’t think he has feelings still but I don’t understand

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 27/04/2025 09:46

It's all control and he wants you to react.

Each time you call him about being late, he will be telling people you are calling as you're obsessed with him. Its really shit for you but all you can do is let him away with it as otherwise you'll come off as crazy and you can't stop him seeing his children.

Unfortunately he knows this is bothering you as it would anyone..so this is why he does it. Try to remain as unaffected as you can on the outside,to him . Sorry op

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:37

I even called him to wake him up and he was still bloody late!

OP posts:
Theseventhmagpie · 27/04/2025 09:37

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:36

I haven’t but I spoke to a solicitor to get legal advice.

Show quote history

Solicitor here. Get some better advice!!

Bamboozledbylife · 27/04/2025 09:36

I'd like to know where they are staying. I think it's common decency. Sew an air tag in to a coat/teddy/bag?
The lateness is rude at best but more likely just being a prick to you because he can...
Good luck navigating this

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:36

Theseventhmagpie · 27/04/2025 09:34

Have you already been to court and is there a court order in place addressing this?

Show quote history

I haven’t but I spoke to a solicitor to get legal advice.

OP posts:
Theseventhmagpie · 27/04/2025 09:34

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:33

I can’t stop contact legally, he really does not need to tell Me where he lives I have already been down this road

Show quote history

Have you already been to court and is there a court order in place addressing this?

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:33

Theseventhmagpie · 27/04/2025 09:32

I don’t understand this. You mean you don’t know where your children are going? You have an absolute right to this information. If he won’t provide it I would not be allowing contact.

Show quote history

I can’t stop contact legally, he really does not need to tell Me where he lives I have already been down this road

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 09:32

Morningup · 27/04/2025 09:26

What he like with maintenance?

Terrible, I had to go through CMS in the end as always had to ring him due to him
being late with the payment

OP posts:
Theseventhmagpie · 27/04/2025 09:32

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:54

I work from home and he will not tell
me where he lives as apparently I’m a psycho (I’m not he just likes to control everything)

Show quote history

I don’t understand this. You mean you don’t know where your children are going? You have an absolute right to this information. If he won’t provide it I would not be allowing contact.