To be pissed off!

You mentioned you got legal advice. What was that legal advice?

Do you drive op?

Arsehole. He is not a good dad. A good dad would be desperate to see his children. He would be there on the dot. He wouldn’t be too busy on a Saturday night.

And? What’s the next step?

Which is good given he’s dropping off at school on Tuesday morning!

That’s a good point, I don’t think it would be unreasonable to tell him if he sleeps in and therefore doesn’t arrive on time you will report him to the dvla for safety reasons.

My dh has carefully managed sleep apnea but if we were in similar circumstances to yourself I would report him like a shot.

I kept my personal life very separate to my dd @Bloodymarvellouss I remember being asked, 'Did I have a boyfriend' I snapped back with a sharp, 'None of your business!' He stepped back with shock. I had never spoken to him like that. And because I never mixed dd with my private life, it literaly was none of his business.

So, so, so much happier it was like night and day. I got the old me back.

He met someone. I met someone. He went onto marry. I have never lived with a man since the divorce. Holidays, weekends and overnights suits me well.

Factual emails and texts. Stripped of emotion or opinion. Nothing to twist or argue about. It does take practice. Not answering when provoked is good!

Does he know you start work later now? Or does it still think it’s 7.30 so he’s nearly 2 hours late? If he thinks you start at 8.30 I would tell him work have made you change your start time back to 7.30 but keep it as 8.30 so you’ve got an hours grace to start work. What do your work say about you starting late?

The medical condition he has should be declared to the DVLA. If it has not already been done so.

If the law allows the address not to be known, then the law should be changed.

This has everything to do with control; not telling you where he lives, deliberately late..it’s a shame that you haven’t got a parent/sibling or someone who could have them on Sunday at 9:30 & then just say to your ex if “if you’re late thats fine but they’ll be with my parents from 9:30 so you can get them from there” I know it’s not ideal but it takes some of the control away

If you keep doing the same thing @Bloodymarvellouss and nothing changes, then you need to change what you are doing.
He is a twat. That is a given.

Maybe next week, put out a breakfast teddy bear picnic on a blanket infront of <kids favourite dvd> No mention of daddy at all. The novelty should distract them from the window.

No phone calls, no texts, no reminders, no alarms for their dad. Nothing.
Leave it absolutely up to him what energy and effort he puts in. When he picks them up, no challenges, no dirty looks, no pointed glances at clocks. Nothing. Zero. A cheery breezy bye bye see you to dc and shut the door.

I stopped engaging with my exdh. It gave him zero to argue with and took away the control he still had over me. I'll never forget the shocked look on his face the first time I shut the door on him. Took 4 weekends for him to turn up on time.

p.s. You lay the picnic out the night before. Any overnight bags for dc get made up and hidden in a cupboard the night before to be wisked out at last second.

Best of luck x

I don’t know if anyone else answered this but CMS will calculate his payment from the day they made contact with him. So, from that day, what he owes will be included in his monthly payments starting on the 1st of June. It just takes them a while from contact with him to getting the calculation done and the payment schedule set.
It means he may not owe you a May payment. If they got in touch with him during April, then they’ll calculate from that day in April and the payment he makes from June will cover April and May (it’ll have been added in to the total and divided by 12 for the year).
You need to know what date they actually start their calculation from, and he only owes you a private payment from his last payment up to that date. And you can’t make him pay it; he might just refuse and tell you to wait for the CMS payment.

And then he could legitimately contact the police about stalking and harassment. It might be bullshit, but he has said he feels unsafe giving out his address and won’t do it. I’m sure there are many messages between them to evidence his refusal and his reason. If she follows him to his home and then turns out at his home, and he goes to the police because she did that… it won’t look good for the OP.

“I don’t want you to know where I live in case you harass me.” And then she stalks him and turns up without an invitation? You’re really advising that?

@Bloodymarvellouss you can go to school and see if he picks them up on time and just follow. then you can drop the kids off on the sunday at the correct time!! alternatively, if he doesnt arrive on time next sunday, take the kids out for the day!! just tell him you had plans and were unable to change them so took the kids with you!

No better advice needed. What she got was 100% correct. She has no right to his address, and he has no right to hers. It’s the choice of the parent if they give out their address or arrange drop off or collection another way. A court will not order them to reveal their address. She has no right to it.

He does like it. It's also not safe that you don't know where he lives! You literally don't know where your own kids are, that's nuts!

It's about control, he wants to control you. It doesn't stop when you break up with someone, he's like a cat playing with a mouse. It's a disgusting way to behave because as you say it's unfair on the children to be sat waiting for him at 8.30 and him not turning up for another hour. If he carries on the children will grow up and realise he was using them as pawns in his little game of trying to control/inconvenience you.

This is the reason why cafcas will always recommend that children are dropped off to the other parent so it then avoids them waiting at the window.

Who knows. He sounds a right knob.