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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off!

110 replies

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 08:49

Every single week children’s dad is late picking them up, I start work at 7:30 on a Sunday and he started picking them up at 8:30 so I changed it to then and now he still isn’t here even though I rang him to wake him up! The kids are at the window waiting for him and he turned it on me saying I need to get checked out for a mental health issue as I cannot deal with lateness! No I am just sick of this every single week!

OP posts:
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Swiftie1878 · 03/05/2025 15:31

Bloodymarvellouss · 03/05/2025 14:54

I do think it is series that my daughter now knows it word for word but never mind. No honestly I do not want him I would just say it it’s an anonymous thread

You may not want him, but you REALLY want him to still want you.

Chewygummy · 03/05/2025 15:30

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Chewygummy · 03/05/2025 15:28

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poetryandwine · 03/05/2025 15:25

Stop letting this guy live rent free in your head, OP! He isn’t worth it.

I like the ideas from PP to have the DC ready on Sun morning, in front of the TV with their bags hidden and no expectation. Maybe with a picnic or other treat. Above all to stop calling the twat to wake him up.

I also think that if he doesn’t improve soon you should go to court and explain that his failure to stick to the agreement is impeding your work, and formalise your arrangements. Start recording his arrival times for evidence.

Perhaps taking different legal advice first would be a good idea?

Best wishes

Chewygummy · 03/05/2025 15:24

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Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 03/05/2025 14:54

I do think it is series that my daughter now knows it word for word but never mind. No honestly I do not want him I would just say it it’s an anonymous thread

OP posts:
Chewygummy · 03/05/2025 10:56

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Chewygummy · 03/05/2025 10:55

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ForZanyAquaViewer · 01/05/2025 10:19

Bloodymarvellouss · 30/04/2025 20:19

Does anybody else think that is weird or is just me?

I have no idea whether you actually want him back, but I think you’re still hung up on this man and dedicating a lot of time to analysing what he’s thinking/feeling/even singing. You want to talk about him and pore over the details of his reasoning with us.

If you were my friend irl, I’d advise you to stop doing this and crack on with your life.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 30/04/2025 20:19

Does anybody else think that is weird or is just me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 30/04/2025 10:28

Find this a bit bizarre but my daughter keeps singing shania Twain you’re still the one as apparently daddy plays it all the time haha!!

OP posts:
Limer · 29/04/2025 11:00

Loads of good advice here OP, so what's your plan for next Sunday?

RandomMess · 29/04/2025 10:28

It’s about his ego, he can play it to any new women that you are crazy and are desperate to have him back.

Stop giving him and his actions headspace. Complete grey rock and disengage from expecting him to behave like a decent dad or human being. He is playing games at his DC expense.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 29/04/2025 10:27

arcticpandas · 29/04/2025 10:26

You mean you think that he thinks you want him back. Can't understand why. He sounds as far away from a catch that you could come.

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Yes as he keeps saying that I still care when I call him to ask where he is. He either genuinely thinks that I want him back or just likes to think that.

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 29/04/2025 10:26

Bloodymarvellouss · 29/04/2025 10:02

I honestly genuinely thinks that I want him back (or likes to think that I want him back)

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You mean you think that he thinks you want him back. Can't understand why. He sounds as far away from a catch that you could come.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 29/04/2025 10:02

RandomMess · 29/04/2025 09:11

He doesn’t think you have a mental health condition he likes making out that you are crazy & unreasonable so he can play victim.

He wants to be able to do what he wants, when he likes, be seen as father of the year, dumped by his crazy ex as he is perfect.

Don’t waste your energy bothering to think of him as a reasonable person.

I honestly genuinely thinks that I want him back (or likes to think that I want him back)

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/04/2025 09:11

He doesn’t think you have a mental health condition he likes making out that you are crazy & unreasonable so he can play victim.

He wants to be able to do what he wants, when he likes, be seen as father of the year, dumped by his crazy ex as he is perfect.

Don’t waste your energy bothering to think of him as a reasonable person.

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 29/04/2025 08:44

RandomMess · 28/04/2025 09:49

The next time you take a Sunday off work go out for the day with the DC and don’t tell him. When he kicks off “oh as you weren’t here at X time I assumed you weren’t coming”.

Absolutely no more ringing him, don’t get the DC fully packed and ready. When he turns up send him back to the car whilst the DC get ready as “I thought you weren’t coming”.

Make him having the DC be very obviously inconsequential to you

I just don’t understand how he thinks? How could I possibly have a mental health issue for being annoyed that my child’s father is constantly late picking them up?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/04/2025 09:49

The next time you take a Sunday off work go out for the day with the DC and don’t tell him. When he kicks off “oh as you weren’t here at X time I assumed you weren’t coming”.

Absolutely no more ringing him, don’t get the DC fully packed and ready. When he turns up send him back to the car whilst the DC get ready as “I thought you weren’t coming”.

Make him having the DC be very obviously inconsequential to you

Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 28/04/2025 09:31

I just have to accept that the kids are not his priority although I cannot understand why. Are some
people just not cut out to be parents?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 28/04/2025 09:31

Swiftie1878 · 28/04/2025 08:33

Presumably the kids are happy when they’re with you.
They are only ‘hurting’ because you’re telling them when Daddy is due, and that he’s late?
Stop doing that. Just tell them he’ll pick them up on Sunday morning, and fill their time until he shows up - no commentary, no judgment. He arrives, you say bye bye, and off they go.
When you start work, just make sure they’re occupied - colouring books, iPads, a game to play etc.

You can’t affect his behaviour- he’s an arse.
So change yours. Stop feeding into the situation. Stop calling him to wake him, remind him etc. He’s not your responsibility- your kids are.

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This seems like the best way forward, I can’t change what he is doing and the more I react I suppose the more he will do it

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymarvellouss · 28/04/2025 09:30

Thatfirstcoffee · 28/04/2025 08:15

Do you drive op?

I do yes

OP posts:
Thatfirstcoffee · 28/04/2025 08:34

Swiftie1878 · 28/04/2025 08:33

Presumably the kids are happy when they’re with you.
They are only ‘hurting’ because you’re telling them when Daddy is due, and that he’s late?
Stop doing that. Just tell them he’ll pick them up on Sunday morning, and fill their time until he shows up - no commentary, no judgment. He arrives, you say bye bye, and off they go.
When you start work, just make sure they’re occupied - colouring books, iPads, a game to play etc.

You can’t affect his behaviour- he’s an arse.
So change yours. Stop feeding into the situation. Stop calling him to wake him, remind him etc. He’s not your responsibility- your kids are.

Show quote history

This
just this

Swiftie1878 · 28/04/2025 08:33

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 10:36

But why? It’s so utterly bizarre and makes no sense as the only person he is hurting here is the kids.

Show quote history

Presumably the kids are happy when they’re with you.
They are only ‘hurting’ because you’re telling them when Daddy is due, and that he’s late?
Stop doing that. Just tell them he’ll pick them up on Sunday morning, and fill their time until he shows up - no commentary, no judgment. He arrives, you say bye bye, and off they go.
When you start work, just make sure they’re occupied - colouring books, iPads, a game to play etc.

You can’t affect his behaviour- he’s an arse.
So change yours. Stop feeding into the situation. Stop calling him to wake him, remind him etc. He’s not your responsibility- your kids are.

Lovelyview · 28/04/2025 08:27

Bloodymarvellouss · 27/04/2025 10:36

But why? It’s so utterly bizarre and makes no sense as the only person he is hurting here is the kids.

Show quote history

He wants you to react. Stop giving him your attention. Stop trying to work out why he's behaving the way he is. Don't tell the kids he's going to pick them up at a certain time, just that it's going to be some time in the morning. Can you reschedule your work start time to later but not tell him? Have pancakes with the kids and enjoy your morning together. He want to be in your head and at the moment he's succeeding.