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AIBU?

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Demanding parents abroad wanting to see grandchild ALL the time!!

87 replies

Reallyinneedofadvice · 27/04/2025 08:34

I really need some advice please. I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible. I moved to the UK about 12 years ago, during this time me and my husband tried numerous times to move back to my home country, mainly to be nearer my family. For various reasons, especially that we couldn't find suitable jobs, we stayed here. We now also have a DC and I really do try to go and see my parents as often as any possible, it's beautiful where they live and we get on very well. This year for example we went for Christmas, then in February half term, now for my mum's big birthday in May and then again the entire summer holidays (!). I personally think that's plenty. Anyways, on Friday my mum calls me and is being absolutely furious that "you didn't make it clear that there's a half term at the end of may, we could have celebrated the birthday then and we'd have been able to see the grandchild for two days longer". I really snapped at that point but gave in so now we're going at the end of May as well! I'm so annoyed though - I feel constantly guilty we live so far away from them but I go there literally every couple of months at the least, and we talk every morning before school. AIBU to put some boundaries in place from now on? I've thought it over so much that I really don't know anymore who's being unreasonable!!

OP posts:
Reallyinneedofadvice · 27/04/2025 08:49

CuriousGeorge80 · 27/04/2025 08:47

Why don’t they visit you?!

In one way I prefer going there as I still have some lovely friends there and their house is much bigger in terms of space for us all. But also my mum gets so nervous travelling that I almost don't want to expose her to this (it's only a 2 hour flight though)

OP posts:
alcoholnightmare · 27/04/2025 08:49

They can also hop on a plane!

I think you see them loads.

I also agree with a PP about you then not going on holiday to different places. Visiting family is just that, it’s not really a holiday.

user1471538275 · 27/04/2025 08:49

You are giving them far too much.

They cannot demand anything unless you choose to give it.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries - it will be very hard at first but it will get easier and your life will be better.

They are treating you like a child who must do as they are told - you are not, you are an adult, a mother and your child comes first, not your parent's demands.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 27/04/2025 08:48

Why have you caved?! This is the reason she is so demanding - because you give in and she gets her way. It's lovely that they like to see their grandchild, but that amount of travel is ridiculous. I have other things I like to do, I'm sure you do. Holidays, DIY, days out. You need to say no and mean it. It's suffocating.

Reallyinneedofadvice · 27/04/2025 08:48

DrummingMousWife · 27/04/2025 08:45

Stop agreeing to things you don’t want. It’s hardly fair on everyone having to be back and forth all the time. Eventually your child will want to spend time with friends in the holidays, so you need to start as you mean to go on.

In fairness, my child says "there's nothing better than being with grandma and grandpa" so he absolutely loves it....not to say this won't change in the future though!

OP posts:
Mischance · 27/04/2025 08:48

They are asking for rather a lot - an unreasonable amount. What do they expect you to do?- spend large chunks of your life jetting back and forth? - I don't think so! That is crazy!

CuriousGeorge80 · 27/04/2025 08:47

Why don’t they visit you?!

Reallyinneedofadvice · 27/04/2025 08:47

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 27/04/2025 08:43

This is a you problem - you need to learn to assert yourself and say no. They are doing thus as they know they will get their own way.

But I feel bad that I live far away - I'm kind of thinking I owe them to go back and see them?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/04/2025 08:47

You need to say “no”

as nice as seeing family is it’s also nice for children to be able to enjoy being at home during the school holidays, or go away properly to different places.

DrummingMousWife · 27/04/2025 08:45

Stop agreeing to things you don’t want. It’s hardly fair on everyone having to be back and forth all the time. Eventually your child will want to spend time with friends in the holidays, so you need to start as you mean to go on.

RedFatball · 27/04/2025 08:45

Won't you get annoyed long term at not being able to go on holiday anywhere else?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 27/04/2025 08:43

This is a you problem - you need to learn to assert yourself and say no. They are doing thus as they know they will get their own way.

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