Demanding parents abroad wanting to see grandchild ALL the time!!

Start making excuses. There are so many white lies you can tell. Ok, they know you can work from home but start saying you need to spend more time in the office. Start saying you have plans with your in laws, Start saying you have friends visiting.
I can't believe you're just doing what they want.

I would also go home after your summer holiday instead of spending the rest of the summer with them. Just spend a weekend and then go home citing a work or house emergency. See if you can change your flights now without too much hassle.

Ok so you just say I can’t make it half term but we will see you when originally planned for your birthday, You do have a right to spend time how you want but your not asserting it so that’s on you

@op you’re not from a country near Mediterranean are you? I have same problem , it’s a culture thing I am afraid 😣

Your mums crying thing is classic, mine was using “my heart hurts” 🙄

you don’t need to keep on discussing with them, actions speak louder. Minimise the trips

good luck I empathise x

This will never stop Op. I get it that you enjoy going there and it’s also convenient to have the childcare while you wfh - but you need to set some boundaries!

A few times a year is plenty to visit. If they want to see you more then they can come and visit you (if you want that!). Be clear with your dates and if they ask about other school holidays just say sorry we’ve got other plans then!

It's the before school daily phone call that would do my head in.

Your parents spend more time with their grandchildren than I (an involved GP with the DGCs 40 minutes away) do, when you add it all up!

And seriously, before school is a ridiculous time to have that call. If you call every day, what on earth do you find to talk about? And it's the busiest part of the day. Surely your kids get bored of having to perform on the phone when getting ready for school?

@Reallyinneedofadvice just bite the bullet and tell her she will have to travel if she wants to see your child (does she not want to see you at all). she can suck it up.

I'd sit down and look at when I want to fly back and stick to it. Don't give in to manipulation tactics.

You don't OWE them a damn thing.

Your life is your life.

You need to work on yourself, and your guilt.

Sorry about the spelling mistakes but can't be assed logging onto the website to edit!

Hopefully it makes sense.

Sorry OP if I needed it but how old are your kids?

I assume very litter.

When they get older they will probably not like this at all. Especially if they have activities like Brownies or football etc.

They are going to have to miss fun trips, competitions and fun time with their friends. You need to set boundaries now with your parents, as it will be harder 5 or 6 years down the line.

I felt guilty for a long time but then realised my family travelled all over the world & visited other people but not me. The expectation was I moved out so I should visit them. That's when the scales fell from my eyes plus other stuff I won't bore you with.

You need to prioritise you and your little family first. You'll find out soon enough that your mum will prioritise herself too at your expense.

How old are your kids? My in-laws live abroad and were like this when my children were younger. They seemed to expect us to spend all school holidays with them (like the entire time for each holiday!).
I pointed out to them that I also had family that wanted to see the children!!
We gradually lowered their expectations by going for shorter periods each time.
Do you work? I wasn't working before so in their mind i could spend weeks there but now I am, I can use the (true) excuse of having limited annual leave. So now they understand three things that limit the time we can spend there:

1. we have to work
2. I also have family that live far away and like to see us
3. the children are now teenagers and have busy social lives. They don't want to spend every minute of their free time with grandparents.

Are they always like this? What I mean is, do they express love through tears, emotion and high drama? If they do, then just accept that that's what they are like. My mum is like that, if sainsburys is out of milk she'd be out of her mind.

I'm glad you've seen it for what it is now and can plan accordingly for the next school holidays. I would slowly wean her off the expectation of seeing you every holiday. Plan to be in the UK for October half term & then see your family at Christmas. As you're seeing them in the summer, you don't need to see them in October.

Then do the same by not seeing your family at next Feb half term but at Easter instead. As your dc grow older, they'll have more parties, hobbies and play dates. You have work, hobbies and life admin to process so you can't travel all the time.

You're a grown up adult human, you can live where you like. They can visit you?

All those flights must be costing you a fortune.
You are allowing your parents to emotionally manipulate you for their benefit. This is very unhealthy, it's time to sort this out and lay some boundaries. Do it sooner rather than later before there is a falling out.

Bit harsh!

My sister lives abroad, my parents wish she lived nearer and would be upset if she only bothered to visit once a year. However, they don't make any demands on her.

Its understandable for parents to feel sad their adult children live far from them.

OP mum feels like she is missing out, and frankly yes she is.

But is it what your DH wants to do every summer for his whole life?

Or does he maybe sometimes want to go somewhere else, do something else, maybe see some friends or go away with his own family?

You go a LOT. And when you do visit they probably get to constantly see their grandchild in that time, so a lot of quality time. Far more than many!
I lived in the same country as both my grandparents but lived 4 hrs away from both. We only saw them 2-3 times a year for a few days at a time.

Absolutely

And quit the daily phone calls too!