DD wants to exclude one girl from her bday party

Your DS is lucky to have a mum like you and this is the right long term solution.

If the girl is ND - which is only one amongst many guesses - she does need to find her tribe and this isn’t it. But I cannot see that the shock of Mean Girl behaviour is the right sort of wake up call. Also, she may not have her parents’ support: ND girls often face extra challenges to fit in and mask like nobody’s business. If her parents are pressuring her to be normal, which is sadly common, she may have very little support after a social exclusion.

Again, just one amongst many hypotheses!

Yes sadly teens friendships can be very toxic so to hear that she doesn't make them happy does seem a bit like they've all just decided she isn't cool enough to be in the gang.

Sorry if that is incorrect op, but we need examples and so should you rather than this vague 'doesn't make me happy' stuff.

As a mother of an ND child, at secondary school, I would not have wanted my dc to be invited by ‘friends’ that didn’t want him there.

Even less so if those children were bullies!!

Dud it mean it took him a while to find like minded people? Yep. But at least he didn’t feel he needed to try and be someone he wasn’t.
There is a lesson there to be learnt around protecting yourself and not appeasing others at all costs. Whether the child is ND, shy etc….

I was fully expecting OP to explain that the girl had actually done something awful, possibly multiple times. But OP hasn't explained anyting other than they just don't like her.

Poor girl.

I agree with the posts above mine. I do mean super obnoxious. Hard to fathom obnoxious. Need to see it with an adult’s eyes obnoxious.

Is the girl just awkward? Is she obnoxious? Is she sexually precocious, which can be a source of ostracisation, or sexually inappropriate? Is she the only LBGQT+ girl in the group and having trouble coming to terms with that? Is she perhaps on the spectrum or struggling with her MH? You still speak in riddles.

Anything shading into sexual harassment would of course be a reason to exclude.
If the girl is hanging out with the group, unless there is super obnoxiousness I am really struggling with the rest.

Clear as a blur in a smudge factory.

Why don't you actually say what it is that they don't like about this girl? Why her "behaviour" makes them "unhappy"? The more you keep wafting veils in front of the supposed problem, the more I think it's likely that your DD and friends are bullying this girl for their own entertainment. This is just phase X in the drama of "Poor us having to navigate dealing with that loser, sigh, we're so cool and brilliant, she isn't good enough for us." Is this really the type of human you wanted to raise?

Agree

What has she done that they all seem to dislike her so much

I agree with this entirely.

I used to teach this age group and normally the ones excluded are the quieter, sometimes socially awkward ones.

The ones doing the excluding are often the bullies.

I would need to understand the 'makes her unhappy' statement. I'd also like to see it from the other side.

Ok so she isn't toxic so I'm presuming we can rule out bullying and being nasty?

So what is this behaviour that makes your dd unhappy can you give an example? Is she an attention seeker, is she too quiet and boring, does she take over, what?

Friendships evolve but at the moment if this girl is still part of the friendship group then just to exclude her would be very unpleasant.

Is the girl possibly ND
When a group of girls turn on one girl, it can be quite nasty

What are the girls supposed to do? If they tell her they don't want to be friends anymore they'll be in trouble for bullying, even if the girl did something really bad, kids in school aren't allowed to say that

We’re really no further forward OP, except it doesn’t sound like this girl is causing harm to the others by her actions.

Or one of my concerns

This is my concern also

You can’t do it kindly because it isn’t a kind thing to do. One of DD’s friends always excludes one or two people. She is considered a bit socially inept and precious for not inviting the whole group and the left out ones always find out.

In my experience it’s rarely the bullies who are the ones with no friends being left out in the group - those children are usually the bullied.

We’re now on p5 and still in the dark about what aspect of this girl’s behaviour has caused OP’s DD and most of the other girls to dislike her.

Without accusing the OP, usually when there is a good reason such as bullying or spreading harmful gossip harming DD’s reputation the OP shares that, as it is relevant to the advice.

100%. What that pp is suggesting is even worse.

She should exclude her but have a word with each girl in turn to keep it quiet and not post it on sM to not run it her face

Your daughter is not being unreasonable
Her party, her guestlist

No, but I had to navigate it as a teenager. I clearly remember inviting someone I didn't like to a get-together because I felt bad for her, and it ruined it completely.

I also remember being the one excluded occasionally - of course it was upsetting but I made other friends. You can't always be expected to get an invite to everything to be part of the same friendship group forever.

The girl still hangs around with them apparently only 1 other girl likes her, and they are not adults they are teenagers and not being honest with the girl, I'm assuming you as an adult don't have this to navigate?