AIBU or is DH’s parenting choice here crap

Tbh I'd probably talk in an irritated tone to a 13yo who couldn't be arsed to help make his own bed and was whinging about it. I'd not be inclined to help them if they were being a pain in the arse about it.

used all his energy up gaming and was exhausted
Oh come on!!!
He could have layed on a sheet and put duvet over him as I've done once or twice if no energy. Not the end of the world.

It doesn’t really need “tackling”, that makes it sound like putting on bedding is something that takes time and effort to teach/learn. When actually it barely needs any teaching at all, it’s completely clear to anyone who uses bedding how it would work.

I guess I agree that your DH shouldn’t have just left him, but he does sound quite coddled, and I don’t really see what’s wrong with expecting a 13 year old to help make their bed. I think your son sounds rude to have refused to help with that tbh.

Actually I kind of side with DH here. He offered to help and DS said no. He probably didn't want a lengthy argument with a 13 year old at bedtime (given what sounds like their usual dynamic) so he left him to it.

It's bedsheets not cooking a meal for 100 people, I'd expect a 13 year old to work it out or sleep without them for one night. He wouldn't have died from a night on the sofa and would have learnt his lesson.

If DS helped you do it, why couldn't he help his dad do it?

Equally, your DH should have done it earlier in the day and finished the job.

This sounds like an early male/male 'who's the boss' type battle. I wouldn't get involved.

Being ill and how late it was - I agree bad timing. But at 13 he should’ve been dealing with his own bedding for years- as teen I would think he would definitely want to change his own sheets.
You already have one lazy man at home by the sounds of it.

Too much gaming too- it’s all kids seem to do these days. They’ll all have bad eyesight.

Agree. He refused to help to put his own bedsheets on?? That's v poor and you don't seem to be looking at that at all just dh as baddie.
I wouldn't have left then there but I think yabu at same time. Crazy that he's never even been asked to help before. Does he strip his own bed for washing out of interest?

Making a bed doesn’t require energy. Or ‘help’, for that matter. It’s his own bed, that he’s going to sleep in. Why, in his mind and yours, is sorting that out not his responsibility?

He stayed up because he wanted to and is now playing you off against your DH

Indeed and from the way the OP is responding with very emotive language and more blaming of DH it's evident that he does this regularly and the OP sides with him.

That really cements that DH will always be wrong and to blame for everything, but don't worry DS as here's Mummy to solve things and tell you it's someone's else fault.....

Which is what the DH said.... help. And DS said no.... so mum came to his rescue and told the son he was a poor lamb and his dad was a meany.

@NoisyHeating I think as your son grows and parenting gets harder, it's important to show a united front. Even if you disagree, you should back your DH up and discuss it later. Your DS is just going to learn he doesn't need to listen to dad because mummy says I'm right. And that's a dangerous position to be in! He's happy to spend time with his dad gaming and doing the fun stuff but as soon as it came to chores, you've deemed DS to ill? Nah. You're undermining him.

The idea of a 13 year old never having made their own bed is a bit bizarre. As is the fact that he felt fully justified just leaving it as his Dad wouldn’t do it and apparently needs to be asked to do it ‘gently’.

You know those weaponised incompetent entitled man children who regularly get posted about here? It’s becoming clearer how they come about. You AND your DH ABU. This is awful parenting.

I think there are three parenting fails here:

1. That a 13 year old can't make his own bed (in fact doesn't do so regularly)

1. That he thinks it's OK to refuse to do a reasonable request that your DH asks of him, and that there not be some level of consequence and back-up from you.

1. That despite being too tired to help his dad make his bed, he managed to stay up and continue gaming.

Sorry, but the problem isn't your DH. It's your DS. And sleeping in an unmade bed for a night wouldn't have killed him. He didn't stay up because he had no bed to sleep in. He stayed up because he wanted to and is now playing you off against your DH.

I think there need to be less excuses made for him.

If their own bed isn't made at 11 they should have just cracked on and done it.

The illness thing is irrelevant. He wasn’t so ill he couldn’t stay up gaming was he!

he refused to help so I think your husband was right to just walk away. How long should he have spent trying to persuade him to help?

At 11pm at night for a chore he hasn’t been asked to do before I’d do it together.

I am actually with DH on this. He asked son to help put the bedding on, he refused. His problem there is no sheets on the bed then if he can't help do a little task like that. I would not be pandering to him.
Sounds like son was the lazy one as he was well enough to stay up gaming and doing something fun.
Also does he know that mummy will come along and sort things out? Does he often ignore his dad and you then back the son up?

Because it was 'sprung on' the poor lamb... my 8 yo is not practically independent at this task, just needs a little help with the sheet at times, but none of this level of drama!

First you need to talk to dh about his Sergeant major approach.

I babysat for a couple years ago and the dh spoke to his dc like this, he was a policeman, I've never forgotten. Makes me feel v. uncomfortable when parents bark at their dc.
Your ds will be the same if it's not nipped in the bud.

Why can't a 13 year old put bedding on.