AIBU or is DH’s parenting choice here crap

Sorry Nikki, quoted you before I saw this!

He did and ds refused to help...

And she/he would stand over them until they sorted it!! Wow.

Just read this again so he did say help to put bed linen on and son refused.
I think he was in his rights to say to help when he said no I'd of took gaming away unless he helped.

I'd be unhappy about this.. he should of said come on let's get your bedding on ill help you it's late lights out after this ...

Unless he’s putting on a flat sheet you don’t need to teach THIRTEEN year old where the four corners will On a fitted sheet go.

and the open end of a pillow case is how the pillow goes on.

DH is unreasonable for teaching the lesson at 11pm as it should’ve been done before the video games.

i don’t think it needs to be a lesson as he should start trying and ask for when he gets stuck. 13yo is making excuses because he doesn’t want to do it and DH in bed because he doesn’t want to supervise.

if he can’t figure out a video game he figure out a sheet. Let’s not be ridiculous

You’re both to blame if your 13 year old can’t change a bed. Unless some send we don’t know about. My 13 year old has been changing her own bed since she was 9/10 or even younger. Sometimes I’m kind and will do it for her but she often just does it herself. The 15 year old with send struggles more and needs help but can actually do it herself as well.

To be clear, I qualified as a counsellor about 20 years ago, and only practiced for 3 years - so I'm drawing on knowledge that may well be out of date.

In my (limited) experience, counsellors would need to act mindfully in terms of 'reporting' disclosures made by women who are in vulnerable circumstances.

Simply because, the most likely outcome would be that women may no longer seek help and make disclosures, rather than children being safeguarded against abuse in the home.

It's a grim truth, unfortunately.

Just read about the divorce OP, apologies...best wishes and hope it goes smoothly and quickly.

Do it back to him
Strip his bed while he's busy gaming
Then fuck off to sleep yourself with a 'terrible headache'.
You will feel much better.
Sleep tight and hope you & DS feel better soon OP ❤️

You would be furious that someone washed your bedding for you? Putting it back on takes all of 5 minutes

OP you know the dynamic best. It likely happened that gaming went on to long both were tired and dp put his needs first and spoke harshly. DS hadn't done task before, felt poorly and had been kept up by his dad. He put bed sheets on with you, no issue. I think we know who created the issue. Maybe get ds to get the hang of tasks but feeling rubbish prob faced with unmade bed this is what happened. Yup I'd think DP was an arse.

My view - if somebody leaves the house with a made bed, they should return to a bed they can sleep in not one that's been stripped and not remade. If I lived with someone who did that to my bed while I was away I'd be furious and stand over them whilst they sorted it.

Either your husband should have done the whole job or none of it. He's made unnecessary work and delegated it to your son (different issue to your son needing to learn how to change bed linen at a suitable time of day)

I also don't understand how this happens - unless someone is in poverty or there's an incontinence problem and a lot of bed linen being used there ought to always be spare bed linen.

And even if there's some reason why your husband didn't finish the job, sorting the beds should have been one of the first things the three of you did when you got home. Agree with the others re not starting gaming till this has been sorted.

That's concerning the quote I responded to was OP, her friends, her counsellor and OP's husband himself previously have agreed that he was abusive. Why is that not enough for you to believe her? op as the thread went on states her dh is 'horrible, really horrible' to the child, is aggressive, abusive.
You'd as a counsellor hear all that, knowing no imminent plans to remove the child from the abuser, say 'meh, it's on the mum to do something, I mean they'll divorce at some point'....

I was once a member of the BACP.

Verbal aggression would be reported if the client was in denial, or wasn't taking steps to safeguard the child.

Op is in divorce proceedings with her H.

Op and others are stating he is abusive. And they do have a duty of care.
From the charity counselling matters....
Counsellors have a duty to report certain situations, primarily to protect individuals and maintain public safety. They are legally obligated to report information about acts of terrorism, drug trafficking, and money laundering. Additionally, they have a professional responsibility to disclose concerns about child abuse, neglect, or vulnerable adults, as well as any serious or imminent risk of harm to self or others.

'Used up all his energy gaming'....

Oh OP 🙈

Was your son just going to sit there until morning, not knowing what to do with the sheets?!
If you hadn't gotten up at 1am & sorted it, would he have just not gone to bed because he didn't know what to do?

Maybe your husband should not have left son with no sheets but you also need to be concerned son has absolutely no initiative to figure things out himself.

(I'm ignoring the coming down with an illness.. you can manage to throw some sheets on a bed to climb into when feeling rough).

Counsellors don't report aggression to the police or Social Services.

They may give the skills and support to the OP, to facilitate her doing that herself - but they certainly wouldn't unilaterally report off their own bat.

Well done on divorcing him.
Keep proof of everything.record his verbal abuse of you and your son if you can.
Call the police if there is any aggression.

DH was wrong here, but honestly, neither of you have 'taught' a 13 year old to put sheets back on his bed? Really ? It doesn't need to be taught, it's pretty self explanatory.

That's a lot of safeguarding failures there then, particularly on the part of the counsellor, they know op and a child are being abused abused regularly, and nothing is changing to remove the abuser and they haven't reported to police/ss?

Wasn't me who asked for examples. And I've said she's under no obligation to provide them.

However I do think she's daft not to expect people to ask for examples - because on mumsnet that's entirely predictable.

Ah my DH would be at work, not away. Just out of the house and I'm doing some housework.

No, but I often ask for context. A thread about coffee, or dirty toilet, or dishes on the side could very well be about an abusive/toxic relationship, and it often turns out it is. Or rarely it’s about misunderstandings or incompatibility (which means the relationship should end , but it’s a completely different situation). Or sometimes the person posting is actually the unreasonable one.

OP, her friends, her counsellor and OP's husband himself previously have agreed that he was abusive. Why is that not enough for you to believe her?