Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband objects to me reading romance novels with sex scenes

157 replies

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 06:12

Firstly, I'm not reading the books for the sex scenes. I just like romance books and many of them happen to have a sex scene. I also read lots without sex scenes or "fade to black" scenes. Most of the time, I don't even know if the book has a sex scene, until I get to it, and then I skim over them because they're usually pretty cringe-worthy to read.

Anyway, my DH doesn't like them and gets in a huff when he sees me reading them. He thinks its adjacent to watching porn, which he doesn't do, and doesn't like the idea of me "lusting after fictional men"🙄. Imo, it's exactly the same as watching a movie, that happens to have a sex scene in, and we do that all the time.

I could just read romance without sex scenes, but that severely limits my choice. Sitting down with my coffee and reading my sappy books is honestly one of my favourite things to do and I'm reluctant to give it up. AIBU to want to continue reading my books?

OP posts:
Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:12

Ariel896 · 27/04/2025 07:07

So he’s projecting his own issues onto you then?

Show quote history

I'm guessing this is probably the issue, yes.

He's not controlling in any other way at all though. We just need to have another conversation about this, I think.

OP posts:
Poorabbeywalsh2 · 27/04/2025 07:11

200% yanbu. You may read what the hell you like, after all, they are your eyes 😆
Men !!!!!!

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:11

Guaranteed he's controlling about other things as well and you've just lost your sense of what's normal or acceptable

Miaowzabella · 27/04/2025 07:11

Have you tried asking him to act out the sexiest scenes with you?

GroovyChick87 · 27/04/2025 07:08

That's incredibly controlling. I could not put up with that. My husband doesn't like it if I watch anything with a particular actor in who I fancy but that's because I've gone on about him so I do get it. And he just asks that I watch in my own time so he knows I still do. I think that's reasonable. But yours is just a book. Is it possible he feels your sex life is lacking and he thinks you're getting worked up over the books? Or are you reading when he would like some conversation from you? I read a lot but not really when we're in the same room.

SaladSandwichesForTea · 27/04/2025 07:08

Teenage me would have given a reciprocal huff about sex scenes on TV on the basis of having a warped sense of levelling the playing field.

Adult me, who doesn't need a man, would give a clear boundary: take me or leave me as I am but I'm not going to stop reading my books and I'm not going to put up.woth your huffs about it. Once more and you can pack your bags because insecurity and a lifetime of huffs isn't sexy or what I want in a man. Your choice., mate.

Ariel896 · 27/04/2025 07:07

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:06

I'm quite certain he doesn't watch porn. He's very open about having had a porn addiction in his teens and early twenties so he's very anti-porn now.

Possibly why this gets his back up!

Show quote history

So he’s projecting his own issues onto you then?

TY78910 · 27/04/2025 07:07

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:04

He read one over my shoulder once and now he asks, when he sees me reading.

Show quote history

That is very OTT in so many ways. It’s a book! It’s not like you’re drooling over it in front of him!

Lemon1111 · 27/04/2025 07:07

Wow- I don’t even know where to begin with this? Why is he so insecure!? Next time a sex scene comes on tv turn it off immediately. 🙄

BlondiePortz · 27/04/2025 07:07

I think he is being ridiculous, but if a man was reading the same which does exist for men women would say it was cheap and sleazy and the usual mentione of red flags, and yes 50 shades is porn and similar books no one should comment on anyone reading it but I won't pretend it is not all porn

It is not one thing for women and a different thing for men

Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:06

Ariel896 · 27/04/2025 07:05

😂 this can’t be real!
I don’t know where to start…
Of course he doesn’t watch porn.. 🙄
Does he remain full clothed during the terrible deed with just a tiny hole cut out for his shrinkadink to poke through

I'm quite certain he doesn't watch porn. He's very open about having had a porn addiction in his teens and early twenties so he's very anti-porn now.

Possibly why this gets his back up!

OP posts:
Ariel896 · 27/04/2025 07:05

😂 this can’t be real!
I don’t know where to start…
Of course he doesn’t watch porn.. 🙄
Does he remain full clothed during the terrible deed with just a tiny hole cut out for his shrinkadink to poke through

Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:04

330ml · 27/04/2025 07:00

How does he know there are sex scenes in the books you read?

He read one over my shoulder once and now he asks, when he sees me reading.

OP posts:
Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:03

GettingFestiveNow · 27/04/2025 06:33

Get Lady Chatterley's Lover on audiobook and listen to it (loudly) while you are doing housework.

I might just do this 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:03

CurlewKate · 27/04/2025 06:33

Does he have a problem with you masturbating?

No, no problem with me masturbating.

OP posts:
330ml · 27/04/2025 07:00

How does he know there are sex scenes in the books you read?

Devilsmommy · 27/04/2025 06:54

If my husband tried to have a whine about what I was reading I'd tell him to kindly go fuck himself. Sex is all over the TV nowadays so I don't see why a book would be worse🤔

TheGhostOfPatButcher · 27/04/2025 06:54

I suggest from now on that every time you're watching a film and there's a sex scene, you leap up, huff dramatically and put your hands over his eyes because you don't want him fantasising over fictional women.

BookArt55 · 27/04/2025 06:51

Ridiculous. Even if you were reading 50 Shades of Grey, it is ridiculous. It's just a book, just as you say it is like a film. I'd be asking why it takes him feel insecure. It's nothing like porn.

MsBette · 27/04/2025 06:44

Sounds ridiculous.

GettingFestiveNow · 27/04/2025 06:33

Get Lady Chatterley's Lover on audiobook and listen to it (loudly) while you are doing housework.

CurlewKate · 27/04/2025 06:33

Does he have a problem with you masturbating?

StarlightLady · 27/04/2025 06:32

Honestly! Men! Many of the great classics had sex scenes. How controlling can he get? Just tell him you’ll give up the books and watch porn instead! 😀

BeatrizBoniface · 27/04/2025 06:31

Listen: even if you were reading the books for the sex scenes it's not a problem.
I'm guessing these are normal books which can be bought over the counter? Go for it. He's obviously feeling inadequate.

Shoxfordian · 27/04/2025 06:27

Nope to all that
Anything else he's an insecure idiot about? Bit of a red flag