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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband objects to me reading romance novels with sex scenes

157 replies

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 06:12

Firstly, I'm not reading the books for the sex scenes. I just like romance books and many of them happen to have a sex scene. I also read lots without sex scenes or "fade to black" scenes. Most of the time, I don't even know if the book has a sex scene, until I get to it, and then I skim over them because they're usually pretty cringe-worthy to read.

Anyway, my DH doesn't like them and gets in a huff when he sees me reading them. He thinks its adjacent to watching porn, which he doesn't do, and doesn't like the idea of me "lusting after fictional men"🙄. Imo, it's exactly the same as watching a movie, that happens to have a sex scene in, and we do that all the time.

I could just read romance without sex scenes, but that severely limits my choice. Sitting down with my coffee and reading my sappy books is honestly one of my favourite things to do and I'm reluctant to give it up. AIBU to want to continue reading my books?

OP posts:

BeatrizBoniface · 27/04/2025 07:39

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:33

Yes, I completely agree. I think he thinks I'm reading it for the same reasons people watch porn so it makes him uncomfortable because of his issues.

And yes, it does get me in the mood but I don't think he's noticed that! Going to have another chat with him later. Definitely not going to stop reading my books.

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He's judging you and your intentions, based on his own perception. He has a warped view of sex, in that respect. Romance novels about relationships are not the same as porn, so it's obvious that he has a way to go on his post addiction attitudes.

Flightofthegeese · 27/04/2025 07:36

330ml · 27/04/2025 07:00

How does he know there are sex scenes in the books you read?

That's a good point ^

ScottBakula · 27/04/2025 07:33

Tell him you are going to start reading gory horror books because horror turns you on more than sappy sex scenes.

( or maybe don't if you think he will try to reenact it for you )

Meadowfinch · 27/04/2025 07:33

GettingFestiveNow · 27/04/2025 06:33

Get Lady Chatterley's Lover on audiobook and listen to it (loudly) while you are doing housework.

This, with bells on.

The difference is you watch a film together, but you read a book on your own.ie he isn't part of it.

What a complete prat.

Original poster

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:33

SillyOrca · 27/04/2025 07:30

But there’s such a huge difference! Presumably you are not addicted/close to addicted to reading romance. (I’m sure you do get to that point when you want to get to the end but that’s not addiction)

And literally no one is getting violated in the production of romance novels. Or trafficked. Or anything. I actually find romance novels an excellent way to get in the mood because there is a back story rather than just straight into sex. (Big fan of virgin river over here - husband has worked out we have sex more post reading time so is keen!!!)

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Yes, I completely agree. I think he thinks I'm reading it for the same reasons people watch porn so it makes him uncomfortable because of his issues.

And yes, it does get me in the mood but I don't think he's noticed that! Going to have another chat with him later. Definitely not going to stop reading my books.

OP posts:

SillyOrca · 27/04/2025 07:30

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:26

A porn addiction as a teenager. He's very anti-porn now, as a result.

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ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/04/2025 07:29

doesn't like the idea of me "lusting after fictional men"

Is genuinely a pitch of unhinged jealousy I’ve never come across before. How do people become like this? And how do they manage to get and keep partners who tolerate it?

Every day, MN reveals a new facet of the human condition to me.

LuluDelulu · 27/04/2025 07:29

He’s a control freak.

MayaPinion · 27/04/2025 07:28

Tell him they get you in the mood. He’ll be on Amazon getting you a stack of them.

Original poster

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:26

BeatrizBoniface · 27/04/2025 07:25

What are his issues with porn?

Show quote history

A porn addiction as a teenager. He's very anti-porn now, as a result.

OP posts:

Gettoachiro · 27/04/2025 07:26

Crack on enjoying your books. He sounds like a right plonker.

BeatrizBoniface · 27/04/2025 07:25

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:25

Nope, no opinions, unless he's saying I look nice.

I think this is a projection of his own issues with porn.

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What are his issues with porn?

Original poster

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:25

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:21

Does he have opinions about...

what you wear?
what you eat?
who you hang out with?
how much time you spend with your friends or relatives?
what time you come home from work?
who you vote for?

Because having opinions on what you choose to read is really unusually controlling.

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Nope, no opinions, unless he's saying I look nice.

I think this is a projection of his own issues with porn.

OP posts:

MaryBeardsShoes · 27/04/2025 07:23

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:11

Guaranteed he's controlling about other things as well and you've just lost your sense of what's normal or acceptable

Oh pack it in you can’t possible have a clue! You really think you know OPs relationship better than she does! How obnoxious!

ladymalfoy45 · 27/04/2025 07:22

If it's not a Tina Falsom it's a tame sex scene.
Tiffany Reid's books are worth a go too.

BeatrizBoniface · 27/04/2025 07:21

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:16

I don't think this is true. We're both very independent people.

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Doesn't sound it. Not having a pop, but just think about it.....why is he so threatened?

Tablechairandpinecones · 27/04/2025 07:21

Since there is precisely zero possibility of any actual person in your “steamy books” being abused, trafficked, at risk of stds or harmed in anyway, he is being entirely unreasonable. He cannot control your imagination!

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:21

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:16

I don't think this is true. We're both very independent people.

Show quote history

Does he have opinions about...

what you wear?
what you eat?
who you hang out with?
how much time you spend with your friends or relatives?
what time you come home from work?
who you vote for?

Because having opinions on what you choose to read is really unusually controlling.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/04/2025 07:20

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:16

I don't think this is true. We're both very independent people.

Show quote history

It clearly is true. As you’ve felt the need to ask us if he was justified in making what is quite blatantly an insanely controlling request and your OP is full of you justifying yourself (I read lots without sex scenes, etc) when no justification is necessary.

Cynicalaboutall · 27/04/2025 07:19

Get a copy of “A Brief History of Time” or similar, remove dust jacket, slip dust jacket over copy of romance novel and read..easy!
Also tell him not to be an arsehole!

WaltzingWaters · 27/04/2025 07:18

SlieveMiskish · 27/04/2025 06:19

Read it on a kindle, so he can’t be judging you, if it’s something you enjoy. It’s not akin to watching porn, as it’s fiction! Watching porn took real humans to do the acts, treating them as things over individual people.. and give him an earful bout being controlling..

This. Definitely not the same as watching porn.
But yeah, he sounds really ridiculous, controlling, odd! I’d have thought reading a steamy section in a book would get you all fired up for a steamy night in bed! (Again, different to porn!)

Original poster

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:17

CalicoPusscat · 27/04/2025 07:15

Huh? It's a book.
Doubt it's the raciest thing on the planet.

You'd be surprised then 😂🙈

OP posts:

Original poster

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:16

RobinHeartella · 27/04/2025 07:11

Guaranteed he's controlling about other things as well and you've just lost your sense of what's normal or acceptable

I don't think this is true. We're both very independent people.

OP posts:

CalicoPusscat · 27/04/2025 07:15

Huh? It's a book.
Doubt it's the raciest thing on the planet.

Original poster

Utterlyincandescently · 27/04/2025 07:15

GroovyChick87 · 27/04/2025 07:08

That's incredibly controlling. I could not put up with that. My husband doesn't like it if I watch anything with a particular actor in who I fancy but that's because I've gone on about him so I do get it. And he just asks that I watch in my own time so he knows I still do. I think that's reasonable. But yours is just a book. Is it possible he feels your sex life is lacking and he thinks you're getting worked up over the books? Or are you reading when he would like some conversation from you? I read a lot but not really when we're in the same room.

I don't think so. We have a good sex life, sex almost everyday and we're both satisfied.

I do read in the same room as him, but only when he's tinkering with his own projects.

OP posts:

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